My diagnosis

[captainkeefy]

Hi all,

Been to see the psychiatrist and she has diagnosed avoidant personality disorder. Don't know what to do with that just yet.

[Catbrian]

That's interesting.  Are you surprised with the Avoidant? I imagine your head is reeling today.  I hope you're doing okay.  Let us know how things are

[captainkeefy]

I did say say a while ago that I saw myself as comorbid histrionic and avoidant. Then I think about her saying in the last appointment that the histrionic thing is an over compensation for my true feelings. She handed me the ICD 10, the first one I've held. Don't think it's going to be my last  . I'll get back to the wink in a sec!

Overall I'm in a really good mood. I agree with the diagnosis in a way but I've never really read about cluster c disorders. I'm not going to either, I'm going to get stuck into therapy instead. My psychiatrist is really good, she finishes sentences off because she knows exactly what I'm going to say.

I'm going to jump on my computer to finish this post.....

[captainkeefy]

So anyway (on my computer now) I was talking to my Psychiatrist (I'm going to use the term Pdoc from now on.) we were talking about possible jobs and she said "I think the window cleaning is good for you because you can be alone when you want and speak to people when you want." I replied "Actually, I don't like being on my own ever really. I would rather work with other people. Plus I'd like to think I was more intelligent than a window cleaner." She laughed and said "Yes, you are very intelligent..." I continued by saying " You know in my last job I really enjoyed logically working out problems and fixing machines that where broken, the main bit I enjoyed was teaching the other lads how to fix the problems themselves." Then she said "You should go to university and study a technical trade, We have people come into the Psychiatric hospital I work in. They teach the patients new skills. I could see you doing something like that." Then I said "Actually I'm fascinated by Psychology, I'd love to become a Therapist." My Pdoc said "I could see you being a fantastic Therapist, you would be very empathetic because you have been through things yourself and you would speak from the heart instead the textbook." So I said "Yeah, they have a course running in a few weeks. I was thinking of doing it." Then she said "Well when does the course start? In a few weeks, well make an appointment. I want to see you in a few weeks to make sure you are on the course."

     

[Buttercup]

All sounds really positive  0158

[captainkeefy]

Yeah, things have been looking up this week. I think I've spent such a long time digging through my past that its made me feel really down. Plus seeing all my imperfections has been a big blow, but now I know what the problems are I can deal with them.

[Catbrian]

It really does sound very positive.  I do remember you saying about the comorbid Hist & Avoidant.  Like you, I don't know a lot about Cluster C, but neither do I know much about my own cluster either. 

How often are you due to see the Therapist? 

Good luck with the plans to study, it all sounds a positive step forward.  I must admit, I was a bit surprised at the "window cleaning".  I would have thought you need something more challenging and stimulating.  Don't get me wrong, nothing wrong with cleaning windows; you could probably make a living from it.  But, my impression is that you could also do something with your intelligence and experience.

[captainkeefy]

The window cleaning for me was a stop gap after I left the Army, trouble is its lasted 11 years. I don't mind though its a good way to earn money. But I want something more now.

I say I see myself as comorbid. This is how I see myself, whenever I enter an new social situation I will stay in my shell for a while then I will come out of my shell and want to be the centre of attention. I think this would show if I did group therapy. I think I'd be a pain to a group therapy situation. Lol

My Pdoc I think is great, she offers more advice than my therapist. I going to be cheeky and ask her if she could advise a way into psychological therapy. I'm going to do this mental health awareness course first. Hopefully with her being quite high up she might pull some strings.

[Catbrian]

You deserve something more.  I see no reason why you cannot achieve anything you want.  There are concessions available at colleges and one or two organisations who help mature students with some financial assistance, like tuition fees and materials.  A good point of contact for advice is Jobcentre Plus.  I thought I had a link to funding orgs but I can't seem to find it.  The college will also offer advice about funding

I think it's highly likely you are comorbid, by what you say.  The Therapists role is not to give you advice or his opinions.  The "person-centred" model is all about you.  The sessions are all about where you take them.  The Pdoc sounds particularly good.  My current Pdoc will talk to me, but the last moron barely spoke a word.  He wrote to my GP saying I was suffering Agoraphobia, but he didn't tell me.  When I read a copy of the letter, I thought he was talking about someone else.  Turns out, he made his diagnosis from what I was saying.  I never thought for a minute I was Agoraphobic, until I read exactly what it was, it fits me to a T.  However, as with my other diagnosis', I haven't spent much time learning about it.  I don't necessarily think this is a good thing, it can stunt emotional growth.

[captainkeefy]

I've got my T need Wednesday. I think he's going to be in for a shock as my moods totally changed. I don't really want to be transferred to these specialist personality people, the first thing my Pdoc said to me when she showed me the ICD10 was "Don't do this to yourself. Your young." Or words to that effect. I think everyone thinks that I'm going to take the label and be that person, nah! I've got too much in life I want to do.

As for the diagnosis, I keep saying the words in my head Avoidant Personality Disorder. The thing is when I read the criteria I don't really think it describes how I act but it definitely describes how I think and I over compensate for the feelings of inferiority I get. I went into complete denial when she first showed me but it does describe how I feel most of the time.

I'm going to go down the local college on Monday and see about the level 1 psychology course. While I'm there I'm going to get some information on the degree they run on psychology. When I see my Pdoc, I'm going to ask her about the best way to get into Psyhotherapy. Apparently you can do it without a qualification as long as you are studying towards one. She said she thought I would be good working with teenagers with mental health problems. This sounds really interesting to me.

[captainkeefy]

I think I'm starting a push cycle this morning. the things that I usually get when I feel like this are depression, low motivation, I feel quite worthless. I'm going to try and control this cycle and see where it goes. I think I've been observing my behaviour long enough now to be able to try and do something constructive about it.

[Buttercup]

I had my assessment with a consultant psychologist yesterday.  Its all still too raw for me to talk about much but a few interesting things came up.  When I get the letter I'll know a lot more but i have a few issues that will need to be worked on.

[captainkeefy]

Hi buttercup,

Remember you don't have to tell anyone anything. We are all here to support each other and if you would rather keep information you see as sensitive to yourself then that's okay.

I think the important thing is seeking change. This is what you are doing, I hope the Psychologist was constructive with you, I find when these people just work analytically it's not very nice. My Psych was very constructive with me and sent me away considering my strengths even though the session was very much about my weaknesses. This made me come away in a positive frame of my from probably what could have been the most critical experiences of my life. I hope the psychologist did this for you!

If anything that you spoke about yesterday has anything to do with what I have spoken about and you feel you'd like to talk about it with me then feel free to ask. You can PM me if you like or my email address is there too if need be. I'm not saying you want to speak by the way, just saying the options there if its something that would help you. After all you really helped me out 2 weeks ago when I was feeling really bad. I'd like to return the favour if possible!

This is one of them posts you write and feel like deleting...I hope it's constructive for you.

[Buttercup]

Thank you for not deleting Captain K

The appointment was constructive, it had been arranged by my Psychiatrist & CPN.  My support worker had already spoken to him which helped as he knew a little of what was going on and how difficult I find it to talk.  I didn't completely open up but I'm proud of myself for what I did manage to do.

He's writing a summary of the appointment in a letter, so I will have to wait and see what that says!  I have forgotten some of the main outcomes, it became a bit of a blur.

[captainkeefy]

Funny you should say that it became a bit of a blur. I found I did this with my Doc and my Paychiatrist in the first appointment. I got to a point where it kind of got to much and I put a wall up and blanked them out, however my Psychiatrist seemed to spot this and started again with me from a different angle.

It's funny at times I struggle to talk and at others it floods out like I can't hold it back.