GREAT TRUTHS THAT CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:
~ No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
~ When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
~ If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
~ Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
~ You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
~ Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
~ Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
~ You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
~ Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
~ The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap.
GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:
~ Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree.
~ Wrinkles don't hurt.
~ Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
~ Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.
~ Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.
~ Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.
GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD:
~ Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
~ Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
~ When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there.
~ You get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
~ It's frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
~ Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.
~ Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.
