Newbie sorry it's so long.

[hiddendemon]

Hi all i'm a newbie here, been reading some of the posts and everyone seems so welcoming that i've decided to take the plunge.
Basically i'm 24 and have been suffering with depression, anxiety and self harm since I was 12-13, maybe younger, i can't remember ever really being happy it all seems to blurr.
Growing up I used to self harm to cope with the emotions bought on by my alcoholic dad. My mum was my rock, she was so strong and always there for me. She died when I was 19 and since then i've just felt so alone and unable to cope. I've got so used to putting on the front that everythings ok that it's just a way of life now, but i'm exhausted from it. I have psoriasis as well which is made worse by stress and at the moment it's unbearable. the last 3 years i've been training to be a nurse something which i love doing, however a month before qualifying i've dropped off the course due to my psoriasis and depression being so bad. My attendance had become problematic for various reasons and the lecturers have spent the last 3 years telling me i'd never get a job because of it. they've no idea whats been going on, they just judge then walk away. i've given up fighting them, i dont have the energy. I've ended up moving back home with my dad which isn't ideal but i'm trying day by day to get on with it. I went to my old flat last week to pic up my stuff only to find out my old flatmates have thrown everything out.. it's soul destroying. I dont know where to turn anymore. i took myself off citalopram just before christmas as i felt i was starting to feel better, but its been a downhill spiral since then. I've just registered with a new doctor but missed my first appointment as i couldnt face going. i really need to sort my life out but dont know what to do.
Thanks to those who've read this, sorry its such a long post, as i started typing it just came out so sorry for that. If i can be of help to anyone i'll do me best!

[Crack_the_Sky]

Hello hidden, i'm new too and yours is the first topic i've read on here :)

Well first of all don't worry about how long a post is, this seems to be a place where it's ok to write as much or as little as you like so no need to apologise :)

Having to drop off your course seems to have been a big blow for you and it sounds like people haven't been very understanding about it either  but you can come back from all this and make a new start.  You got so close to finishing but the attitude of your lecturers on top of the depression and psoriasis seem to have eventually worn you down, but you can be proud that you fought for so long, years even, you've shown courage there and i think thats something that can be a great help to you in mnoving on with your life. Again when you talk about having to move back in with your dad that sounds like something which you really have to work at but as you say you are trying day by day to get on with it and i think this shows your innate desire to fight and not to give in and i'm hoping that's something you can draw on see you through these hard times.

I think the doctor will be understanding about you missing the appointment and won't make a big deal about it and so it might be a good idea to book another appointment and talk to them about your problems, i'm not sure how you found being on the citalopram but it could also be a good idea to talk to the doctor about possibly starting a course of it again or you could try another similar anti-depressant if you were experiencing any bad side effects whilst you were on it.

Are you in any form of counselling?  Personally i've found a combination of different approaches has been the most effective when dealing with things like depression - hitting it from all angles as it were.  It isn't for everyone but if you have never tried it before it might be something to consider...also i remember one time i had missed a doctors appointment and i was really ashamed and scared to arrange another and my counsellor helped me find the courage to call up and sort an appointmnet out and stop feeling so guilty about it all.  So having a wider support network can help when you find you are having difficulties with one of the ways through which you are trying to help yourself.

So perhaps these (doctors appointment and looking into some form of counselling) could be your next steps?

Oh..and if you dont like the idea of standard one-to-one counselling there are loads of other options in that area like group counselling which realy helped me through a low point and there and things like CBT as well.

Hope that helps :)