I'm new looking for somewhere to start

[fazziemodo]

Hello

My name is Vic.  And I think I have clincial depression and am in Scotland so am looking for somewhere to start trying to get support to help me get better.

[craig84]

  you found the right place Vic! Welcome to the forums!!

you get great support on here!

How long has it been since your diagnosis and what treatment do you have right now if any?

[fazziemodo]

Hi Craig,  :smile:

Well it was a couple of weeks and the doctor put me on Fluxotine this week and gave me some CBT websites to visit and suggested finding some self help groups and forums to talk about things.

Hence why I'm here

[craig84]

Yeah my gp did the exact same for me in early feb when my latest severe bout of depression started... He reffered me for counselling too and ive had one session so far but have to wait a month for the next one... I go round inn circles with this illness all the time and being here does help. its a great place to learn about others experiences and how they manage themselves as well as being a great place to put your thoughts down!

I was on fluoxetine for about 6 months this year and was on it about a year ago for so many months but I didn't notice anything really, just the frequent unannounced visits to the loo (sorry )

Its been changed now to ... paroxetine... supposed to help with anxiety too which It was actually helping... i have nothing at the moment and have to wait til the 20th sept before i can ask for more cos i just wwent a bit crazy and od'd last week.. it was completely spontaneous but people here really helped me.

do you think you may have suffered with depression for longer? most people do.

[fazziemodo]

I'm sorry to hear that you od'd last week, I hope you are on the mend  and it sounds good that people here helped you. I know that may sound a little trite but I do mean it It is just I'm not very good at saying what I mean, especially lately.

I'm not too sure of names of drugs so I have no idea if the one I'm on is meant to help with anixety too but my GP told me that it may take sometime for it to kick in and that she may have to change it if it didn't help though she did say that to get into counselling would probably take months.

As for having depression longer - yes I think so, just this is the first time since I was a teenager that I've been on antidepressents and the last time was because it was a GP that handed them out to everyone at 17 if they didn't seem cheerful when they went to see him.  Or maybe I should have taken more notice back then.

[craig84]

who knows, maybe maybe not, some people become depressed for no reason, I put mine to my upbringing and relationships as well as enviornments and certain situations ive been involved in.

Don't worry about it I, I understand completely, I have days I don't want to speak too. just since last week im trying even harder and its proving difficult with unplanned things happening that have shook me... im trying though that's what counts.

I like to talk to and try and help and just listen to people tbh... I used to be such a people person but depression can take that away sometimes.

I don't mean to pry but do you have any idea's where your depression may have come from? you don't have to answer so don't worry too much about that.

how are you coping at the moment do you have any support from family?

hope you don't mind my asking questions...

things tend to seem worse before they get better with depression so prepare for some challenges.... it is hard but your understood here !! don't be scared to lean on us if you need to im sure other members will say hi when they come online again:)

[Pip]

 :welcome:

Having a good GP is half the battle when it comes to depression.  Since I was officially diagnosed with depression I've only had to deal with one 'bad' GP.  I only saw her a couple of times which was depression related but after the last time I never went back to her as she told me to go to Relate.  They weren't equipped to deal with the reasons I was depressed which certainly didn't have anything to do with my marriage.  The surgery I am under these days is really good as they listen to what I have to say before deciding what to do.  I'm not taking anything specifically for depression and as I've overdosed on numerous occasions they keep an eye on how often I ask for repeats.

[fazziemodo]

This GP seems nice, and hopefully she will help but I can't really put ...well there isn't one single event that caused this so I suppose it is my environment and up bringing that caused it and it isn't like I can suddenly change my job until I find another (not that I'm motivated to look right now)

Somehow I think it would be easier if it was just a major event and then I could change that one thing and with a wave of a wand I'd suddenly be better but life doesn't work that way and I just feel like I am walking on egg shells right now with everyone because I feel fragile and to be honest a bit angry.

I think that is why the GP gave me all the websites and said try and find self help groups due to the fact that referring me to a counsellor will take time.

As for  the questions Craig, no I don't mind.

My family don't know, I have only told three people that I've gone to the doctor and gotten pills. Whether it stays a secret or not I have no idea and that is what kind of terrifies me - I have no control about what they say to others.
Part of me just feels really weak about going on the pills like I should be able to shake this off without them and I'm just being self indulgent because there are people with real depression out there but I need to start somewhere.

As for leaning on people here, it would be nice to talk to people.

[craig84]

I think only we can really know why we are depressed. it can seem like its come from nowhere or you may feel like something has always been hanging over you.

Depression is such a difficult illness, not just dealing with it but dealing with others who don't understand it, who brush it off and tell you to snap out of it.

I was like you myself at first, refused to take the meds as I thought how is a pill going to change how I feel about my past, and it doesn't at all, but it helps rebuild the chemicals in the brain depression takes from you. you may have to try different medication that suites you and the right dosage... its difficult going into it blind but you will definitely be helped and supported here.

Youll find out about me in time by reading my posts and journal I don't get support from anyone in my 'real' life. im more accepted here.. which is sad to an extent but reassuring for me to at least have some form of support.

when I first started therapy I was talking about what was immediately wrong with me, a break up, I found out after I dealt with that it was far more deep routed. it takes time hun!
things will become clearer!

what was your view on Depression before you were diagnosed ? I myself was like a lot of others and didn't realise how debilitating it as and thought how could anyone want to kill themselves or not take care of themselves, not wash, not eat, not tidy up..... ive had this for years now and I always tried to be understanding anyway but I do completely understand. anytime anyone tells me they have depression I want to give a hug, but I know from experience too that the person might not want a hug as they don't feel worth it... like I did...

how did the people you tell take the news?  were they helpful at all?

feel free to start any topic, users will respond!

Take care Vic x

Craig

[fazziemodo]

Hi Craig

For me I think it comes a lot from low self esteem and it gets worse which means I take it more and then it gets worse and worse and worse.  I want to just snap out of it, I want to brush it off, I want to take the advice from those who say this and when I try to be stronger and stand up for myself I get knocked down by those who say I should just brush things off.  I then just crumble become apologetic and a mess and it all starts again and again.

How exactly am I supposed to take advice and support? I feel like I shouldn't as it hurts more when I try and take it.

It is part of that makes me wonder if the medication is right.  Is it really depression or just low self esteem, is one separate from the other or do they just fed each other, if they are separate does that mean I need treatment for the later to deal with the former rather than thinking that than dealing with depression and then making the self esteem stuff alright.

As for my view on depression before - it happened its tiring and it hurts and it strips people of their will to do anything.  But guess I also thought I never wanted to admit that was also me even though I kind of knew it was

[Pip]

That's the problem with depression it doesn't discriminate.  There are people who have a good life so no reason to be depressed yet they suffer. 

[craig84]

ah that retched selfesteem huh! I went for my first batch of new therapy and was told I definitely need to work on my self esteem so she gave me some work sheets that I had to fill out. I did post a link here somewhere with the info nut I cant remember where right now... ummm ill find it and repost here at some point.

I went to my local library and there was a book glowing on the shelf as I walked upto it I could read the title 'how to rebuild self esteem. thouch!!!! picked it up, haven't started reading it yet but whenever a therapist or anyone tells me to work on this or that I study the shi1t out of it to understand and try to change things...

ill get the name of the book too, im relishing the fact ive been able to sleep these past couple of days so I haven't been on much imm afraid, trying to give some time now though.

the thing with this illness 'depression' is, were not belived by anyone who hasn't suffered so our battle is already made harder by that simple fact, I had a row the other day with someone who was having a go at me for trying to kill myself saying I was selfish and all this, not once did he ask how I was or what he could do to help just put me down more and more and I kept fighting him telling him I don't care what he thinks because he hasn't been there himself, he said he had and I was quick to tell him if really has then his full of it because he'd understand why I don't care about anyone else at dark times.. because THATS depression! it takes away your ability to see things rationally you just torment yourself in your thoughts!

its a shame its like this as things are hard enough !

its a process, and buiding your confidence and self esteem is part, note the part bit, in our recovery!

we hhave to look at our selfesteem to feel better about ourselves which leads to the next steps in recovering... depression is no one symptom but a combination and there arer many aspects of ourselves we need to work on to get better at dealing with depression. I find when I am recovering I end up arguing with people more, but that's because im standing up for myself and not letting people walk all over me and It does get overbearing and could push me back into a low but I understand we seem to go round in circles and we have to keep bouncing back.

ill try find you the info to help with selfesteem

[craig84]

http://www.depressionforums.co.uk/dpf/index.php?board=61.0

scroll down youll see the topic on the above link