New here and looking for some advice

[Jimsouse67]

You are doing your best and at the same time you need support as well.  Even though she is your ex you obviously care about her.  As somebody who suffers with depression and has a husband that suffers with depression I am very aware of having outside support being helpful.

You are doing your best and at the same time you need support as well.  Even though she is your ex you obviously care about her.  As somebody who suffers with depression and has a husband that suffers with depression I am very aware of having outside support being helpful.

Hi pip how have you been?.
Many thanks for your words.
Yes you are so right regarding outside support it is so valuable in life,
Everyone needs a shoulder to lean on and someone to sound off to.
She does have one girlfriend albeit a work colleague who she has only known for a short while
But it is a starting point for her & I hope she can find it within herself to expand this friendship.
Her only real friend I think was her daughter,they spent so much time together that i think the daughter became some kind of comfort blanket,her crutch in
Life if you like,a crutch that has been taken away from her and left her feeling somewhat lost in life,
This combined with her other issues have just compounded matters to breaking point I think.
This forum has been a god send for me as has the interwebby as a whole,it has given me so much insight into depression & how it affects the human mind & a great many things,so much so  that I would be at a loss myself without it.
Pip,I do care for her immensely i really do,it's not some crusade or pitty driving me  Its just the compassion I have for her that's all.

[Jimsouse67]

you have a good awareness of things which is good at least your rational about things!

things for me are all a bit weird at the moment... there may be a huge positive coming up but I wont fins out till next week. I don't want to say too much and jynx it though.

i'll update when I get the good or bad news :)

Hi Craig.
The awareness is mainly down to this forum and the Internet in all honesty,gave me a real insight & understanding about the illness & I now know about cause & effect.
I was like the many thousands of none sufferers 'ignorant' to the illness before I started doing some research.
It's great that some positive news could be on the horizon for you,I will certainly keep my fingers crossed for you that's for sure,& yes please keep us updated whatever the outcome.
Be strong.

[craig84]

pleasure to have you hear with us James.

its good you have this awareness from researching, some people knowing I have depression make no alterations in the way im treated, ive recently decided to start defending myself more, like every attack I get I point out its not helping with my depression... ive been hit back with, your not depressed your lazy... im not lazy it just seems that way because im depressed and don't feel like im worth anything, to do Anything...

its nice to know that people can see our side without having the experience of being this low themselves! I wish there were more like you tbh!

[Jimsouse67]

pleasure to have you hear with us James.

its good you have this awareness from researching, some people knowing I have depression make no alterations in the way im treated, ive recently decided to start defending myself more, like every attack I get I point out its not helping with my depression... ive been hit back with, your not depressed your lazy... im not lazy it just seems that way because im depressed and don't feel like im worth anything, to do Anything...

its nice to know that people can see our side without having the experience of being this low themselves! I wish there were more like you tbh!

Craig.
I think a lot of the attitudes shown towards this illness is mainly down to people's ignorance on the issue,so many people today are so self absorbed in there own so called perfect lives that they are totally oblivious & selfish  to other people's suffering!!'society has taught us very  well!'.
So many people are far to quick to dismiss depression as a 'nothing ' issue when in actual fact it is anything but 'nothing!,I suppose the motto' F**K YOU JACK IM ALRIGHT' is alive and well!!.
Your not lazy Craig,the lazy people are some of those around you who refuse to make some effort or expand there minds  to try & understand what depression actually does to the sufferer!!,
I guess it's easier for some to dismiss depression because it only interferes with the perfect lives of the more fortunate amongst us.
I think you are doing the right thing by pointing out to the people in your life
That some of  the negative things they are saying to you is not helping you one jot,you should get them to do some of there own research on the web!.
Some people really don't have a clue.

[craig84]

no and even after an overdose last weekend ... within a week I was getting this negative feedback from family...

people will only ever really learn about depression when it affects them in some degree, whether a loved one or themselves suffers from it and they either want help, or to be helped.

I never thought id be a sufferer of this illness but since my diagnosis 6 years ago ive learnt so much and realised I was probably depressed from the age of 7 when my parents split... I just didn't know it at the time!

[Jimsouse67]

no and even after an overdose last weekend ... within a week I was getting this negative feedback from family...

people will only ever really learn about depression when it affects them in some degree, whether a loved one or themselves suffers from it and they either want help, or to be helped.

I never thought id be a sufferer of this illness but since my diagnosis 6 years ago ive learnt so much and realised I was probably depressed from the age of 7 when my parents split... I just didn't know it at the time!

Your very right about people only recognising depression when they are involved in it to any capacity.
I'm pretty sure my ex's issues do actually stem from her childhood.

[Pip]

I do believe you genuinely care for all the right reasons  people like you are a special breed of people that are good to have around. 

It hit my husband hard when he finally found out I was depressed as I had always been his rock, the strong one.  He then had to learn how to be around me when I was obviously depressed.  He felt like a fish out water so the way I put it to him was to think about how I was around him when he was very low.  I had hidden my depression from him for 12 years so it was a shock to him.  He also had to get his head around the fact I was like my friends 'big sister', the one who could be trusted to keep their secrets and problems to myself even though I was suffering in silence.

At least here you know you can ask for support and get it as you're worthy of support.

[Jimsouse67]

Hi pip.
Thank you for your kind words,means a lot that .

That must have come as a huge shock to your husband as you say,I can't begin to imagine how hard it must have been for you to keep your depression secret for such a long time,that must have been an enormous weight to carry.can I ask if you felt any  relief once you had shared your depression with your husband?.
To me my ex deserves my support & my help,why should I or anyone else deny her these things or
Treat her any differently? Yes she is unique like millions of others who suffer with depression
But she isn't a lunatic,basket case,head case or whatever other derogatory term the ignorant like to use to describe those who suffer with this illness.
We are all human beings,we all bleed the same blood & we all need the same love,support understanding & compassion.
The best thing about those last 4 things is that they cost absolutely nothing to give they are FREE in life.

[craig84]

sounds like something I say about relationships not working out.

without any one of the following things may be destructive or not work out.

communication - respect - trust - honesty - understanding