Hey guys

[yorkshirelad]

My name is Jonny and I'm from Hull

Long story coming up, hope it's not too hard to follow...

Basically back when I was 16 I had quite serious cerebral palsey, I couldn't really walk that much and I found myself in a wheelchair for most of my life up until that point and I could only ever walk short distances I also felt alienated and different as a result of this. Though at this time I underwent a few major operations and by the time I was 18 I was much more mobile and I could walk long distances and also I didn't need to use my wheelchair, but this required a lot of physiotherapy. Combine this and my struggle to do A levels and I didn't have much free time at all.

Thankfully though I pulled through and managed to go to Northampton uni, although unfortunately it didnt turn out that well, I enjoyed my first year a lot but it papered over a lot of cracks. My lack of social life before I came was very apparent as there are times when I would get really down and because I'd come across quite a few negative people who took advantage of my insecurities just to make themselves feel better.

Second year things got worse as I thought that I didn't want to around of group of people so negative I decided to stay in halls again, but instead of meeting new friends I moved in with a group of 3rd years at the time who kept to themselves a lot, they were already in their own group and because they had a lot of work, this coincided with a group of people who I never really got to know and I didn't really get on with them particularly well. During this time I met a girl who I found really attractive and I could really relate to, but because I didn't have any friends at the time, whenever I became bored I would overthink and my negative attitude put her off. This was compounded by the fact that her disability was temporary, my negative attitude about it was very similar to hers, once her disability had gone though she didn't want anything to do with me anymore and she also wanted to move on from her past.

Come 3rd year and things got a bit better, I made some friends but not any close ones, they were all freshers who all knew I was leaving at the end of the year so I think they were planning ahead as a result of it. Luckily, despite my struggles during A levels and social issues at uni I managed to get a 2:1 and a 1st in my dissertation for Earth Science which was a huge relief.

6 months later though and the real world is sinking in, I struggle to move on from the girl I met in my second year she was more then a pretty face and had a great personality, the best thing I'll never have. I have always gone through life feeling as though I have a great lack of responsibility and that I am a liability. I currently have no close friends and I am back in Hull unable to get a job. I am lost and I don't have anyone to help me, I want my optimism back that I had in my first year. My only work experience so far is with Camp America, it was really tough though as I was working in a kitchen that was overstaffed as a result I didn't do much work at all, the kitchen workers were never popular as they got paid more then the counsellors for doing a much easier job, all of the kitchen workers were eastern European too so I found it hard to get to know them. I felt alienated and unintentially discriminated while I was there, but I stuck through it and I've got something worthwhile to add to my CV at least.

Past experience though has combined with my feeling of a lack of responsibility to being particularly depressed about not getting a job. I have always had a long term goal of working at the Met Office (I don't want to sound big headed but I know a lot about the weather) but I can't get to this point until I get more money to further my study. The short term goal of getting a job is a massive obstacle for me, a lot of people on facebook are moving out and settling down in relationships while I am nowhere. I want to sort my life out, get some close friends and convince myself I can be happy and lead a normal life but it all seems so daunting and I feel like I'm falling behind.

[Lol]

Hello Jonny, welcome to the forum. Firstly, congratulations on your academic achievements, well done indeed.

You have been through a lot in your life and I can see how you are visualising a mountain in front of you. I think the 'unknown' can often feel this way, and not having a handle on how you are going to procede is a very lost and out of control feeling. I have been through a period of feeling a little bit like this recently for very different reasons. I don't know what to suggest regarding getting a job, but I understand your feelings of bewilderment and isolation.

Please feel free to discuss your feelings here and everybody will help as much as we can. If you feel your experiences have affected you mentally and are giving you symptoms of depression, please see your GP as soon as you can and explain how you are feeling.

Take Care. Lol

[dlg78]

Hi Jonny and welcome.

Sounds like your experience of Uni wasn't a great one, I never went myself but my girlfriend did and I can see how some people would find the social side of things a struggle.

Thing is as I said to Russell earlier, at least you gave it a go, you also have a goal in life to work towards - although it might not seem possible right at this moment you seem to have an understanding of what you need to do to get where you want to be, and that's a start in itself.

Don't worry about the other people who seem to be in careers and settled down, just concentrate on yourself.

Dave

[BladeRunner]

Wow, you seem to be a real fighter. Many people, including me, would likely have given up in many situations you were in, but you pulled through so far! Really impressive. I wish you all the best and welcome :)

[Ouroboros]

Hiya mate,

Like BladeRunner said you seem like a real fighter, you've been dealt a bit of a crappy hand in life but you still managed to go to uni and graduate as well! That's a hell of an acheivement and you should be dead proud of yourself for it. I never went to university as, well, I'm just not book smart at all lol, but I really wish I could've gone as I'd love to be a marine biologist or a herpetologist (I'm really into snakes and reptiles) but due to my poor memory, lousy GCSE grades and crippling social anxiety I never made it to uni, so it looks like it's lorry driving for me!!! lol.

Anyway just keep your head up and push on, and keep posting on here, it's surprising how much it helps to just write everything down.

Take care dude.

[Zaf]

I'm full of admiration Jonny, you have worked so hard and done incredibly well, unfortunately a lot of people are finding it difficult to find work at the moment but you have courage and determination so dont give up.

It would help to go to your GP to discuss how you feel and possibly get on some medication and counselling.

[yorkshirelad]

Hey thanks for the replies

I used to see a counsellor regularly but because of cutbacks to the NHS I can't get counselling appointments, the last few counselling appointments have been quite repetitive anyway as it's basically the same things that are pulling me down.

In my first year of uni I would describe myself as walking along a confidence tightrope there was times when I felt very confident especially if I feel like I had the right people around me, but because of my late phase of adolescence I would often take any hint of negativity as being correct because I had it built up in my head that something about me wasn't quite right. The people who I did enjoy my first year with dropped out or commuted from home and this obviously led into what occurred in my second year.

I get down these days as I look back at my early uni days with nostalgia as it was an exciting time for me, going to uni was the last big risk I took and despite the bad times there were a few good times there and I did learn a lot. Though I've graduated now and it's in the past, while people that I know are getting on with their lives I am stuck. I look back at my 1st year and think that that was the time to make a real impression on people, it was my best oppurtunity to meet a lot of friends alike to me and appreciate me for who I am but I feel that oppurtunity is gone.

My First year was in 2007, fastforward to 2011 and I've now spent 6 months unemployed and I havn't moved on from my university experience, apart from camp America I havn't had a job (for some valid reasons) and I am 22. I havn't had a girlfriend or felt like I have had any close friends, the girl who I met in my 2nd year was an oppurtunity I ruined.

I recently applied for a job at the met office to become a trainee forecaster but I got turned down though. I don't see this as a negative because so many people applied for the job and even though I'm an undergraduate with a good degree, there would have been far better applicants, this is something I have the potential to rectify later.

The fact uni passed so quickly and things have changed feels depressing, things don't seem like what they used to be, I miss the days of chilling out and listening to arctic monkeys in my optimistic mood during the first year. When I heard swagger Jagger by Cher Lloyd a part of me died inside. A better term was that I felt 'old'. I think the world 'old' fits me psychologically, I want to feel young again, I want to feel relevant, excited, happy and have fun. I think what I'm going through is a recently dubbed 'quarter life crisis'. Apart from graduating 2011 has been a very bland year for me. I don't want to let my past pull me down and make me feel alienated, I want to convince myself I can be happy. It's so hard to get a job at the moment, with companies laying people off and people applying for jobs that they are overqualifed for in order to help the by; it leaves graduates like me stuck. I havn't been doing hardly anything for the past 5 months and it's depressing, in fact recently I just spend a lot of time in pyjamas, clearly a motivational issue here!

I'm just lost as to how to get out of the rut I've been in, part of what makes it difficult is I have always had a specific interest  in the weather and I've never thought about working or doing anything else. This combined with my past and fear of failure means the 'quarter life crisis' has hit me particularly hard, give the chance I think I've got a strong personality and I'm the sort of guy who would be very sociable, but my social life sucks at the moment and the fact things have become stale for a long while means ironically there is a hint of social anxiety about me, I don't know if it's that far but I certainly feel stuck in the situation that I'm in and don't know how to get out.

[Zaf]

it does sound to me as though proper counselling may be the answer, in our city there is a place that supplies counsellors free or cheap to the unwaged,  I wonder if its worth looking one out?  I found a brilliant private counsellor in my last episode of depression who helped me immensely to look at things differently and work out how I could achieve what I wanted to,  I think she also worked for the free place in the city,  I believe you need to find someone that you can get on with and will explore things with you even though sometimes it can be painful.

I really dont know what else to suggest but hopefully someone else will

[yorkshirelad]

I just feel like I'm stuck in a situation I cant get out of, I'm still underqualified for the career I want, but I'm overqualified for vacancies that pop up in Hull that at least somewhat relate to my degree... It's going to be a long while before I have an opportunity to do my masters....

Getting a job would mean getting my social life back on track as well as helping my longer term ambitions but the oppurtunites for that change to come up are simply not appearing, I don't have a clue about what to do...

[Zaf]

Its definitely not easy finding a kob in hs financial climate but have you thought of any kind of oluntary work?  It might get you the social contacts you want and would look good on any job application.