I am new here.

[aviewaskewed]

Hi there. I am not sure how to introduce myself so I am just going to say things and hope I get a response.

I firstly need to say that I am feeling depressed, I know that this points to the obvious considering the forum name but I wanted to say it. Getting out of bed on a morning has been very difficult and I have found myself recently turning to excessive amounts of alcohol to dull the pain of reality.

I feel like I need to give some background. I used to suffer with depression and i still have the scars of that experience - I am though better equipped to deal with those sorts of feelings. I am a recent graduate that spent my final year of university living in Belgium. I moved home to my very dysfunctional family. I recently spent 6 weeks traveling around India which was a very poignant and potent experience. I am moving to Korea in February to teach English as a foreign language. The reason I am mentioning this is because all in all I have a fairly diverse life which is what makes the bout of depression all the more difficult to understand.

Today I quit my my job. I woke up and decided that anything that made me as unhappy as this job does wasn't worth doing. I am not in a good financial position but I felt for my own sanity that I needed to move on. Sometimes in life my instincts take over and this was one of those moments. I am not sure whether my decision will bear the fruit of knowledge or not but I felt I had to do it.

I think my real question is - how do I deal with depression the second time round? I received considerable psychological assistance when I was younger that just isn't available to an adult suffering with depression. I don't want to be medicated because I tried that a few years ago when I was suffering from strange anxiety problems. They asked me to take Citalopram which made me even more anxious. I am looking for easy answers to a complex situation and know that there aren't any answers but that won't stop me from hoping anyway.

Feeling: Between a bottle of vodka and insanity.

[Pip]

 :welcome:

How much real help a person with depression depends on how much help they get.  Sadly it can be a postcode lottery but I agree that it is hard to get the right support.  I have suffered with depression most of my life although I wasn't officially diagnosed until 2005.  I had many years of being told I was moody, a drama queen, to pull myself together, there are people who are far worse off than me and so on.  When I was first diagnosed I had a good doctor but when we moved I had the opposite problem.  The doctor I had disregarded depression, didn't believe in giving out anti depressants and told me to go to Relate.  I knew they (local branch) couldn't help as they weren't equipped for depression.  The could have helped with family counselling but wouldn't have helped because it wasn't the root cause of my depression.  Fortunately I have had good doctors over the past few years.

Keep in mind that you have got a job to go through which is a positive.  Have you struggled in the past over Christmas?

All I can suggest is that you be persistent with your doctor as you already know how bad depression can get.

[JC]

Hi aviewaskewed

After losing my dad and my partner within seven months of each other I too turned to alcohol, mostly as an escape from the reality I was trying to deal with. As most people know alcohol is a depressant so probably not the best thing I could have done given that I was depressed anyway but drinking was my coping strategy so I have some understanding of why you are drinking.

Sorry to hear your job was adding to your depression but it is positive that you have your move to Korea to look forward to. You say you have a diverse life, which makes your depression difficult to understand; I am lucky to have a good job, very diverse with no two days alike and I have wonderful colleagues, I also have great family and friends but still suffer from depression.

There are alternatives to Citalopram and it may be be worthwhile speaking to your GP to find something that would work for you.

[stewart]

Hi  aviewaskewed, welcome to the forums, i can understand the use of alcohol to numb the pain of reality, been there a few times myself.
but you have done very well with soending your lasy tear at uni in Belgium (i spent a while there back in the early 80's,
at a ranch in the Westerlo area.)

i can understand you quitting your job if it was making your life so harsh, moving to Korea is a very brave step to take, I hope it works out well for you.
as for how to deal with depression, regardless of how often it has come around is not easy to answer, we dont all fit neatly into a box of one type or other, indeed we can be in several boxes at the same time, but being on here and chatting to others who understand is a great help for many people.