Hi, super confused

[amieesolow]

Hi, Im new here, hope im posting in the right place.
Well where do i start............ basically im just constantly unhappy & quite frankly i have no real reason to and that just makes things worse because i cant explain myself!
I got married in June to my partner of 9years i have a beautiful home a gorgeous son and another baby on the way. What have i got to be sad about!?

I will be truthful and say ive had "issues" in my past with self harming as a release as i didnt deal with things as and when they happened which is a massive flaw of mine. i havent self harmed since school though but my word it does feel tempting sometimes. I had a pretty rough child hood. regular beatings from my dad (who i have nothing to do with now) then a whole lot more off my step dad after discovering him taking drugs. blah blah blah usual poor little me life, i try not to use it as an excuse for my life but understand that there are effect from it that does make me the person i am! Ive been bullied my whole school life which i escaped for a fair while after leaving secondary school but unfortunately the bullies have now started working in the same place as i work and unfortunately they didnt quite leave the school yard behind, but im trying not to let that get to me as its only for a few hours a week! My father inlaw died shortly before our wedding which devastated me as we were really close and he always made me feel as part of the family but soon after his death his daughter (my husbands sister) moved in with us and i feel very much like im looking from the outside in and like im very much alone and they both discuss me and how difficult i am to live which they throw this in my face every time anything comes up that they dont like. I try to leave them to their family time as i know this is what my sister inlaw wants as i have overheard her in phonecalls about the situation but cant say this to my husband as it would cause trouble so in return he thinks that i dont care how he feels about the situation which once again leaves me as the bad guy!
My husband is constantly telling me im difficult to live with and it really winds him up that i cant explain why im so up and down because i dont know myself! I know i have massive trust issues so i do keep a pretty strong guard up and im very defensive so i dont get hurt 1st but it doesnt matter how much i try i still end up in the firing line........ but in all fairness after typing all that i think i may just be feeling very sorry for myself but i just want to know how to drag myself out of this slump........ anyone go any hints of tips for being a little bit bubblier please??

[Pip]

Hi and welcome  +-_ , this is a difficult situation to be in but I do think that your sister in law is being thoughtless.  I can understand you wanting her and your husband having family time.  On the other hand she needs to show respect that she is living in your home and you are married to her brother.  I have a friend who, during her first marriage, had her sister in law living with them except in that case it was because she had split from her boyfriend and she didn't want to go back to her parents.  It caused all sorts of problems including her sister in law acting as if she owned the place.  There were problems within the marriage anyway and that just tipped my friend over the edge and she walked out in the end.

[Your_Friend_Tom]

You sound similar to the person I've been trying to form a relationship with for the last few years, she has big ups and downs, big trust issues and doesn't understand herself a lot of the time why she gets sad. She is in a stage now of focusing more on herself, trying to be more selfish and do what she wants, she is in the process of painting her house pink, which I think is helping.

[amieesolow]

Hi thankyou so much for you replies. i felt really petty after reading back to myself what i wrote. but i definately think maybe a little bit more focus on myself may definately be in order and as much as i try to convince myself otherwise i think my sister inlaw may be causing a few problems in our relationship as a couple as yet another kick off occured last night due to her telling my husband that i was causing her problems although i do everything to make her life easier! she doesnt have to wash, cook clean or even do her own washing because i do it. she decided last night in a fit of rage that shes moving out....... we'll soon see! I sat in bed last night and repeated over and over in my head that i cant feel guilty about things im not doing and i cant appologise if i dont know what im appologising for and most importantly that im going to enjoy my son, husband and new baby when it arrives and focus on things that make me happy! everything else can get f**ked (excuse my lingo) kind of hoping if i say it to myself enough i will eventually feel more positive  &(*
and there it is in black and white too so if i forget i just have to read it
Thanks again  =+-

[Zaf]

Hi and welcome  *()

Have you seen your GP, you may find it worth going on antidepressents to try to stabilze your mood

Z xx

[amieesolow]

hi, yeah i was due to see the doctor before i fell pregnant so im going to discuss it with my midwife when i see her and see if or what she would recomend i do  =+- im seriously considering maybe counceling or something such like.
Im pretty honest with myself and fully understand im a bit of hard work.... but on the otherhand, if i cant sit back n chill in my little hole in silence in my own home then where can i? and i am being selfish in that sence because as far as im concerned somedays i just dont want to be bubbles n sunshine and therefor i wont be, i put a show on in work, social situations and most importantly for my son so what i do once i close my front door and my boy isnt around is surely my perogative? 
sorry im such a rambler..... Im just finding it quite relieving putting things down in writing somewhere where i wont be hugely judged

[stewart]

hello and a big welcome amieesolow  *()

[Michael Frankum]

Hi. +_+ It's great here to let out any fears, anger or just post whatever you need to. It sometimes helps a lot just to get it down, and nobody here judges you. The people here have been enormously helpful and caring to me, and I know they'll be the same to you. Best wishes.