Depression Forums
General => I need to vent! => Topic started by: lostmyway on September 08, 2016, 07:37:31 PM
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Hi all
It has come to me the reasons why I am so sad and depressed. The fact im at home with no job, no decent friends, no satisfying career and my elderly parents erratic behaviour I'm sure are very significant factors. But I think its the fact im 45 and STILL the situation is the same as it was when i was in my 20s,has a great deal to do with it. So is the depression purely situational? I think some of it is, yes. Ok i have a bit more money in the bank, but that sucks when you have nobody to share that with and enjoy it.
Not sure where to go on from here, I'll be honest.
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I don't know what to say to help other than I've read your post and I care!
:hug:
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Nice to say you care, but I don't think much is going to change now or in the near future..
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Sending cyber hugs :hug: . I can't give good advice but like Amanda I care as you deserve happiness the same as everybody else.
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Nice to say you care, but I don't think much is going to change now or in the near future..
It may take time, but things can and do change for the better! Keep talking and I'll keep listening! :hug: if you want it?
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At 45 I'm not sure I'm entirely convinced. Right now I am scared and worried about the future and what it will hold.
I just feel I have made a dogs dinner of everything and for whatever reason things didn't transpire the way I wanted it to.
Life is about opportunity and taking chances and if those opportunities don't come along, you miss the boat.
I am at home even now because the situation hasnt altered. People ask me why I am still here... to be honest I am not 100% sure either.
Maybe its because i have been here for so damned long now that its hard to alter it, or fear maybe crossing my mind too. Economics is probably the most logical conclusion
that I can honestly think of right now. Another is why am I still single? Why didn't I get married and why haven't I moved on? To this day I still don't know the answer.
I think its unusual for a 40 something to still be at home, but to me I guess it's normal. Most wouldn't understand that ideology.
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My sister-in-law is in her early 40's and hasn't left home either and she hasn't had a relationship while I've been living here either so you're not alone in that - it's just the way things are for you both right now... things really can and do change no matter how old or young you are!
Keep on keeping on, Lost... things can change for the better!
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thanks for your optimism but its a conditioning that has been going on for a long time , that why its hard to alter it. Things are so expensive in this modern age , it can hardly be surprising.
That's why living in the UK is so hard because everything is so overpriced ... Housing, higher education, ridiculously low welfare for people when they are out of a job, the cost of living generally speaking is ridiculous.
Of course it is easier with 2 incomes than just one esp. if you have to take a minimum wage job because there's nothing else out there. I think the damage was done in my 20's and earlier, long-term unemployment, not getting the high grades i needed to get a better job, there are a lot of different factors that have compounded the situation to where it is now. The low self-esteem and self-confidence is obviously one of the main problems. I know very few people who are my age and live on my own , but then the loneliness and seeming isolation hits too if you have only a few friends to rely on and trust. Yeah i suppose i'm just venting right now, but don't most people in my situation.
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I understand where you're coming from, Lost. The only people I know where I am is my next door neighbour and someone over the street from us. Nobody else. Keep going and you'll get there in the end. I know that right now things seem impossibly hard but things can and do get better. Promise.
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It needs to, otherwise what's the point?
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Exactly, but there is a point out there for everyone, you just need to find it for you... take each minute as it comes and do things you're interested in and find your own, personal, unique point... try something creative or find a new book to read or TV station to watch or radio station to listen to or something like that? You don't have to tell anyone if you don't want to, but experiment until you find something just for you. :happy0158:
:hug: if you want it?
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I suppose I have always been blessed to have had people around me that have cared. Even when I have been at my loneliness I have had friends.
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it's the enforced idleness and the isolation that compounds the problems to no end. Is mentally like living on a desert island. A lot of it is caused by joblessness, but like I iterated before, it's because my life never really got going for one reason or another. i lost my job in April 2013 and since probably the middle of June 2014 or so I seemed to stop looking for a job, I gave up one way or the other.
I just have total apathy towards the whole thing, partly because I didn't want to go back to warehousing. It damaged my health badly one way or the other. Like I said previously I don't know where to go from here.
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How would you feel about going in a totally different direction and going to college or distance learning or something like that? Train to be something totally new and different? Like becoming an optician's assistant or work with animals or something just for you, like philosophy or something really creative or a musician or designer or something like that? Do something just for you kinda thing... something that you can look back on and be able to say "I did that just for my own benefit and I really enjoyed it!" kinda thing? :happy0158:
:hug: if you want it?
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I am already with the open university on my 2nd level 2 module. The module im doing is very dull and i'm hoping it'll get more interesting. If i want a Bsc i have to do Level 3. I was very enthusiastic about the whole thing back in 2013. Now I'm not so sure.
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I am already with the open university on my 2nd level 2 module. The module im doing is very dull and i'm hoping it'll get more interesting. If i want a Bsc i have to do Level 3. I was very enthusiastic about the whole thing back in 2013. Now I'm not so sure.
Oh cool! What are you aiming for the Bsc to be in... is it a named one or an open one?
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It's definitely worth keeping up with it as you never know how this qualification will help you in the future.
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Life has a way of kicking you when you're down, I understand, i'm younger then you 32, but i feel I know where you're coming from, when i graduated from university i thought the employers would be climbing over themselves to get at me, boy was i in for a rude awakening, the employers didn't give a damn about that piece of paper a spent 3 years of my life working towards, the amount of rejections I got were shocking, some were even insulted me,
i too would go on to spend weeks where i wouldn't leave the house, looking back on it that's probably the worst thing i could have done, i put on weight and BOOM depression had snatched up another victim, family would pester me about not having a job, but god knows, i tried, eventually things got better, I landed jobs,i started exercising and lost the weight,
if i were to give you any advice it it would be, try to do as many positive things through out the day, it doesn't have to be big, it could be something as simple as making your bed, or vacuuming, or applying to some jobs, try going for a short walk, it'll clear your head, 45 isn't that old, you can do it if you set your mind to it
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Hi Jali
Thanks for your advice, it's appreciated. The preconception is that if you have higher education, you can waltz straight into a job as soon as you graduate.. Thats definitely not the case.
The real world is very harsh and there's no room for dreamers of any kind. Since I have been off I have also gained weight and become more unhealthy.
Mostly when it came to jobs, I just got no replay. Families I can say without fear of contradiction are NOT supportive if you don't have a job and just compound the situation further. The only person that has cared at all , is my mother (she's the exception to the rule.) But if you have depression and have low self-worth , down on your luck... most people just don't want to know.
It's the way of the world.
Lately I have been getting up later than usual, sleeping longer than usual . Mostly down to the cold and reduced amount of sunlight that there is at this time of the year. Christmas is just a hard time for me and my mother. My brother lives in the states and my dad passed away in 2005. I see stuff on Facebook from members of my own family, having xmas dinner together in bigger groups and I couldnt help but think that no-one really cares about our situation - no sympathy or compassion ... just me, me, me. Life indeed does have a knack of kicking you when you're down, I wish it didn't. They say a degree is 'just a bit of paper' but its far, far more than just that to me. It represents years of blood, sweat and tears.