Thanks Steve,
I will try and be honest with my GP, I just don't want to be referred to CAMHS again, they won't do an assessment without parental involvement and if that's the case then I can't tell them everything they need to know because they just tell your parents. This is another lot that think its great to have your parents involved so they can support you but no one seems to understand that this is not the case for me. Having my parents find out about some of the things that were going on was the worst thing that could of happened to me, it just added more stress that I didn't need. I don't know if there are any other options available apart from CAMHS but I'm really hoping there is.
My GP doesn't know about the painkillers either, I think she has guessed about the not eating properly due to the deficiencies in my blood test but not about the painkillers. I take a mixture of co-codamol, paracetamol and ibuprofen ( not all at the same time) depends on what's available. I will take at least one does a day of one of them but sometimes I have to take a dose of something different in the same day because I have run out of the other for example. I don't take them excessively like every 4 hours or whatever but I will take them pretty much everyday. A lot of the time I don't really have pain of such I just feel generally uncomfortable from my physical symptoms and the painkillers help. Some of the time I probably don't need them at all I just feel the need to take them. I cannot leave the house without them at all, I am scared that I will get pains while I am out and so have to have those painkillers just incase. If I find my self in a situation where I am becoming anxious I start to feel very unwell and this makes me more scared and I try to avoid going out all together. The fear or becoming anxious and feeling unwell while out increases and that makes me feel worse if that makes sense.
I am aware of how addictive co-codamol is so I am trying to be very careful with that, they were prescibed to me a while back and I don't have many left anyway. I also know about the damage I am probably doing to my liver, kidneys, intestines etc. With all the other painkillers too. Every time I get a tummy ache( which I get a lot) I go into complete panic and thing 'omg I've done it this time, I really am going to die' see however much I think about suicide the actual idea of deaths still terrifies me.