Alcoholics daughter. Yet I'm superwoman

[LonelySmiler]

My mum has been an alcoholic since I was 11. Me and my younger sister had to look after ourselves. My dad was dry abusive towards my mum that's why she hit the bottle. When she told us she was pregnant we thought the drinking would stop. But it never. To be fair she did while she was pregnant but I guess he alcohol wasn't as big an issue as t is now. As soon as my sister was born she started drinking again. My dad went to work and I stayed home and looked after my sister. My other sister was only 10 so I made sure she went to school. From a young age, I learned how to cook, clean, iron etc. when I look back I don't know how I coped. The drinking got worse and I was looking after two babies. My mum couldn't do nothing for herself. My dad was even more abusive as time went on. Mum went though stages of binge drinking and then would be sober for a couple of months. When she was sober she was the best person ever! An amazing mum. When she was drunk she was a different person. I woul get beat up by her if I didn't give her money for alcohol. My life was awful. She then went on to have another baby. A little brother. Still the dunking continued. We had to move houses several times as my mum had embarrassed the whole family. They were 5&6 when they went into care and came out 6 yeas on. They went back to mum and then she started drinking again. They now live with me. I had to quit my job, get a house and pretty mug carry on from where I left off. Its not easy but I'm glad they're with me. Rather than them back in care. My brother is 12 now and has ADHD. Is anyone in a similar position. I need people to talk to. My sister is 23 now as works full time and lives with me. She doesn't help around the house at all or with the kids. It's like a hotel for her ere. I do absolutely everything and I feel like I'm moaning all the time if she hasn't done anything.. Please say I'm not alone?!

[Sweetpea]

Hello and welcome to the forum,

 &*( &*( You have been through so much in your life.  You also sound like one special person to have coped like you have.

I have not been in this position myself but reading you post I really feel for you.

We are a friendly bunch here and will help and advise where we can.

Hopefully you will find help here.  Please feel free to write your feelings and worries down, writing things down can help.

Take care

S x

[LonelySmiler]

Hi. Thanks for the welcome. J really think if there weren't sites like this I would go mad. Also I have a close circle of friends who are all really supportive and help me when things get tough.

[Buttercup]

Have just been catching up with posts.

To cope with all you have had thrown at you I think you really must be a really marvellous and caring person. I don't think there are many out there that could do what you have done.

Buttercup xxx

[LonelySmiler]

Thank you so much. I also work and I'm studying counselling. But I'm a woman and were all multi takers aren't we. It's so hard to be a sister as well as taking on the role of two absent parents. My siblings get anything they want which sometimes they take for granted but I don't let them take advantage. They have chores such as cleaning their rooms and have boundaries, something they've never had before. I think when they're older they'll be great people and go down the right path..

[Sweetpea]

Good for you, when my children were younger they had to do jobs etc around the house.  I think it did them good having boundries to stay within too.

S x

[Zaf]

Hi and welcome

Z xx

[CharleysAngel']

Hi and welcome to the forum xx

I think you are a really strong and brave person to go through that, I can sort of relate to your situation although mine was not as bad. My dad was an alcoholic through most of my childhood and stopped when I was about 13, although I didn't have to clean or cook he would get angry really easily and it would be really scary. He used to hit me when he got mad but not very often.

[Ezel]

 .>,

[LonelySmiler]

Thanks guys for the welcome. Ice lolly it's nice to know that someone else has been through a similar situation. It might not have been as bad as mine but it's still the same experience. I think it goes to show hat no matter what life throws at you, we all pick a path to go down. A positive or a negative. I hope ya the later for yourself as it has been for me. X

[Got]

Hello, it does seem like you have been through an awful lot. You have a lot on your plate. Everything you have been through is
bound to have affected you. You also do sound very strong, but I am not suprised that you are finding it difficult to cope.

Thank you so much. I also work and I'm studying counselling. But I'm a woman and were all multi takers aren't we.

I think the above comment is reflective of a negative perception. I'm not convinced it is a healthy way of looking at things. I certainly dont see women as being the multi taskers who have to do all the work. This is not your predestined role for life, although I can see how your experiences would clearly lead to you thinking like this.

Anyway, I think you are very brave,

Love Steve X

[LonelySmiler]

Hi Steve. You're right I think the fact I have done everything myself throughout my life has left me wih the idea that I HAVE to do everything. But in my case i do have to everything. My sister who is 22 is useless. She lives life with no responsibility and doesn't realise we both took on the kids not just me. She says I'm a "crank" as I'm always moaning about the house. But she doesn't realise I'm bush myself with my work and studies then come home to clean a house and cook etc. I hate arguing but i know one day I will explode x

[Got]

You sister is immature. Its sounds like a difficult situation.

Is it important that you stay at home and continue to take the burden? What will happen if you leave?

[LonelySmiler]

Yes I couldnt leave. I couldn't live with myself if I did. I know that my sister wouldn't manage without me.

[Got]

Well you are doing all the work, and she hasn't learned a sense of responsability. The longer she is able to get away with it, the worse she will get. Im not saying you leave, but you do need to get yoru own life in order. you feel resposible for your sister, although she is perhaps lacking in resposibility, and so she is going to need to learn...potentially the hard way. Now she is 23, are you really responsible for your sister?