WORST ANALOGIES EVER
~ The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.
~ Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
~ She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.
~ She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.
~ He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.
~ She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.
~ I felt a nameless dread. Well, there probably is a long German name for it, like Geschpooklichkeit or something, but I don't speak German. Anyway, it's a dread that nobody knows the name for, like those little square plastic gizmos that close your bread bags. I don't know the name for those either.
~ The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period after the Dr. on a Dr Pepper can.
~ He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
~ Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
