Other Depression & Anxiety Related Illneses > Personality Disorders

BPD resources

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Catbrian:
You know, I can well imagine that happening.  I wonder if some of it might upset a person with a PD; to hear how others might be viewing them. 

captainkeefy:
Yeah, I spent a bit of time as the ambassador on the forum and what you tend to find is that partners of people with BPD tend to have a PD themselves, others have had a parent with BPD and some of the members on there actually have BPD themselves and are projecting it at their partner. There are other people on the forum who have split up with people with BPD and speak about their ex as a monster. The staff their soon diffuse threads like that though as other members who love their partners get really offended by this. I wouldn't like to visit that site if I have BPD.

Catbrian:
There are times in my life, Capt, when you could say my BPD was in full swing, I recall myself as a monster sometimes.  I am sure there are one or two ex's who would certainly agree, although perhaps not as politely.  I am not saying I use BPD as an excuse for some of the horrible things I've said or done.  However, since understanding the condition, I feel less ashamed of admitting that I was very much in the wrong.  I have suffered badly from "Splitting" and I can understand there are some family members, close friends, and partners who have suffered by it too.

Fear of abandonment and Splitting are probably the two main reasons why I have chosen to stay celibate, with few friends, during all these years.  I'm trying to save others and myself from hurtling into one of my bizarre BPD traits.  I suppose the Complex Needs Service will help reorganise my thought patterns

captainkeefy:
One thing I find with people with BPD is that because of the black and white thinking that can come with it people tend not to see the gray, as in. It takes two people to argue, each person is 50% responsible. They are responsible for their own actions. Sometimes I wonder if my Wife is BPD because she is very emotionally raw and she can go into meltdown in seconds and its all my fault, she can explode with rage from the slightest criticism. She also projects her bad moods at me for example yesterday she got up in a bad mood and I just did my own thing then she went out. When she got home she said "You where in a foul mood this morning." But I wasn't, I did what my T advised and gave her space and refused to absorb her stress. That was my choice, I could have very easily ended up arguing with her but I chose to distance myself from her emotions and let her get on with them.

I guess the first thing is to say Borderline Personality Disorder is a set of behaviours. Obviously they come from faulty core beliefs. I don't believe this is the sufferers fault. I believe it's up to our parents to form our core beliefs, but when they have faulty core beliefs what chance have they got? For me, there isn't anyone to blame not us, not the generation before. In my case I can trace back on my Mums side 3 generations of situations that probably caused abandonment issues. There is also a lot of diagnosed mental illness in my gene pool. Like Bi Polar, schizophrenia. I think there is nature and nurture there. There is a recipe for a PD there.

Catbrian:
That's very interesting what you say about the wife's reaction to your "new approach" of giving her space.  I guess as you start to change within yourself, this must affect your wife.  I wonder, was she able to accept that you were simply giving her space?

Your second paragraph is something that often comes up in the Forum; is our MH genetic or is it learned behaviour? Personally, I think it's maybe a bit of both, but perhaps more of a learned behaviour.  I think our parent's are responsible for our early developing core beliefs but I guess whether or not it is their "fault", is debatable.  How can they be held responsible for the core beliefs they developed as a child?

In my case, both my parents are from dysfunctional families.  I think my mother, and possibly even my sister, have PD's.  What chance did we have as a family unit?  My Mum has always been a depressive.  I think my own MH has developed from there.  One of the symptoms of PD, chronic emptiness, has been part of my personality since my earliest memories. Mum was always saying things like, "Nothing is ever enough for you", "You don't know when to stop".   So, I need to consider exactly how early was I displaying signs of a PD? By 5 years old, I had already become a very disturbed child.

I've just had my CPN visiting this morning. I was saying to her how invaluable this Forum has been in helping pull me out from years of dark depression.  More importantly, this PD section and CaptK's wealth of knowledge, has been supporting and educating me through an early diagnosis of BPD.  Life might not exactly be any easier, but it certainly makes a lot more sense.  Understanding myself gives me a lot more control.  Maybe for the first time, I am in the drivers seat of my own life, if that makes sense

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