Other Depression & Anxiety Related Illneses > Personality Disorders

SI how do i explain scars, possibly triggering

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cornish:
right first of all i really despise lying and if i have to i feel really bad but last night i was asked what all the scars on my upper arms were. now as i said i hate lying but didn't want to tell the truth as i had a huge gaping wound on my hand after an "accident" with a grinder. but i just made up a crappy story about catching my arm on a bit of sharp metal at work.

what im trying to get at is i hate to lie but im really afraid to tell anyone about my si, i cant comprehend how they will react and what they will do. anyone have any advice on how to deal with this??

Angelina:
I'm not sure I can really answer you but I also have scars and have been asked about them before. I used to burn myself on my wrists so it's quite hard to hide, especially when I have a tan as they stay pure white. I've always judged on the correct answer for me on a person by person scale. There have been people I trust completely with the answer and so I'm truthful with them. Some of those people I use humour with at the end of telling them, it can soften the blow and means they don't have to try and find something serious to say to me. "It was before I discovered chocolate was an easier way to cheer up!" something like that.
Some people I say something like "They're from when I was a depressed teenager" so that they get the idea without too much detail. I'm lucky that I've found more socially acceptable ways to self harm that people either can't see or won't question, my scars are old and so people don't react so much about them.
With work people or acquaintances I lie. I say it was an accident with hot oil. It's pretty obvious that's a lie due to the layout of the scars on my wrists, but I've never met a person willing to challenge me on that explanation and it limits any gossip.

I lie to some people for their sake and for mine. I'm not ashamed to lie, many people can't deal with others self harming as it's such an alien concept to them. I've had people lecture me or say "I bet you feel silly about it now" when I've told them the truth so I've learnt to lie to some people to avoid that. Also avoids any gossip at work that might get back to management who would then would feel the need to have a meeting about it. It's not fun to lie but sometimes it's self preservation.


Many hugs Cornish, it's a horrible situation and we're here for you.

cornish:
ive sort of learnt to do that but when there blatently obviously si and on my hands thats what really worries me, most of my si is now on my upper arms/ ribs and legs now so i can hide it but my left hand, especially the numb areas from nerve damage is pretty bad and really bothers me as people see it a lot

cornish:
i dont think that really made much sense did it  ::)

Angelina:
What are you specifically worried about? That people will see and judge you? Possibly say something to other people? Or that people will ask you about them? Or all of the above?  :)
People might judge you. But then people judge other people about the shoes they're wearing so there's not much anybody can do about that. If work colleagues talk to others about it then they can get in very serious trouble, I've been through that even though I'm was completely unaware of it at the time.

Hugs again!

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