Other Depression & Anxiety Related Illneses > Personality Disorders

BPD

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Bexwa:
I've always thought I was a little different when I reached my teens. Moods were always up and down and once I found drink and drugs I became a bit of a wild card. I slept around with, what I'm ashamed of, tonnes of men, trying to make myself feel better. Nothing ever did. I'm been bulimic since I was 15 and had major problems with my weight. Well, I say major I always average between a 12 - 16. Relationships come and go all the time, I have a world wind first few months, decide this is the person I need to be with and then within a few months I am picking at every little thing. Driving them to the brink of despair.

I recently found out I have been suffering with Borderline Personality Disorder for a number of years. I thought something was wrong with me.  The doctors haven't exactly been supportive. I thought they would have explained more things further instead stuck me on medication and wait for something else to be done. I thought therapy would be a good way to help me through it but I've heard nothing more about it. The medication I have been given seems to be taking away my personality all together. I don't seem to have the same sense of humour as I used to. My sex drive has just completely diminished. I just don't know whether it is worth taking the medication, which only seems to keep me on a level Plato.

Does this ever get any easier? I just need someone to talk about it with as I seem to be lost and alone. People treat me different and I know I am acting it since being on the medication. I just want to hear other peoples experiences and chat.

Zaf:
Sorry I cant help with it but I do know it takes ages for the NHS to get their finger out where therapy is concerned,  has any been offered?

Bexwa:
They told me I would eventually get some psychotherapy but nothing else has been said about it and that was back in May. The only reason I am being seen now by someone is because I took an overdose at Easter. If that wouldn't have happened I'd probably still be sat here with no help at all. 

Zaf:
Its ridiculous how long it takes  >:D

Lol:
Hi Bexwa. You have been going through a very difficult time for a long time and you are feeling confused and isolated by it. You feel at a loss as to why you have always acted the way you have and what your diagnosis means for you now. You have realised you are acting differently now and have noticed that friends and family have started to treat you differently. You feel misunderstood and alone and this is very difficult for you to deal with on a daily basis. I'm sorry you are feeling this way, it is very difficult for you. Your doctor has made a diagnosis and medicated you which must have felt like a bit of a light at the end of the tunnel, but alas it has only lead to more confusion as it hasn't helped yet.

I believe every psychological/personality type illness/problem is both a long haul illness and a long haul recovery process. Our health service can not provide this quickly enough for the suffering involved and this is very frustrating. Even when therapy arrives this too takes an awful lot of time, effort and courage to utilse fully.

I hope you find this forum helpful, I certainly have, if you would like to talk more about your feelings here please do and we will support you however we can.

Take Care

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