Other Depression & Anxiety Related Illneses > Personality Disorders

breaking out my shell

(1/5) > >>

Catbrian:
Earlier, I was saying to a friend that I feel so different of late.  To have this Borderline Personality Disorder diagnosis is more than a relief. 

I’m not over the moon, on a high, or bursting with enthusiasm, but my mood/mental health does feel better than it has done for many years; my position feels more grounded and solid.  I have this vision of a mini-me breaking out from an eggshell.  The world around is the same, but it feels, looks, and smells different.

Today wasn’t brilliant.  I’m a bit too tired from one thing and another.  My mood doesn’t do well under tiredness.  I’m wondering if part of my underlying agitation is guilt.  Maybe I feel a little guilty for doing absolutely nothing, other than mulling from one day to the next, soaking up my newfound peace and contentment.  It feels like I’m in a new chapter, dumped in a scene where I don’t quite know yet what I should be doing. 

Sweetpea:
Just try and take one day at a time Cat. I think we all feel guilty, I am sure a lot of us here feel a lot of guilt for one reason or another.

Its lovely to hear you feel better and I hope it continues. Big  :hug: for you.

S x x x x

Michael Frankum:
Hey Cat,  :hug: you have told me many times that feeling guilty is misguided. It's great that you are able to acknowledge the improvement, and keep your mind working. Part of this new scene may be finding a new path, but don't forget to stop and smell the flowers! Best wishes always. Michael.

If I have misunderstood you, and you feel that I SHOULD feel guilty, sorry for not taking notice of you!  :bgrin:

captainkeefy:
That's a very good analogy, breaking out of a shell. A lot of people with a PD report that they feel like a child trapped in an adults body, feel like the worlds to big, they don't fit in with other people. I feel like this, someone said to me recently "We all feel like that now and then." I replied "Yes, now and then...not most of the time. There's a big difference."

Just curious Catb, is it definitely guilt or could it be shame?

Catbrian:
Thanks everyone for your replies.   :bgrin:

I am grateful to be reminded of some of the things I advice other people.  "One day at a time" is so clichéd, sometimes we forget to exercise the true meaning in our lives.... and, Michael, you are so right, I do often try and soothe your guilt for feeling that you're not doing enough.  As a mater of a fact, when I wrote that post last night, you did come to mind and I deleted some of the ranting about my guilt.

Guilt or shame, CaptK, is a good point and I would say it is probably shame.  I don't feel a patch on my former self and some of the jobs I once did in drug & HIV/AIDS counselling, are careers I can no longer pursue.  Sometimes I feel shame for wasting so many years.  For wasting all my hard work and study since leaving school.  But, I shouldn't, because I have faced some serious bouts of mental ill health, I could never have continued within any Social Work setting.

So, yes, there is huge amount of shame attached to my life in the past 13-14 years.

Navigation

[0] Message Index

[#] Next page