Other Depression & Anxiety Related Illneses > Personality Disorders

Sharing a BPD diagnosis

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Catbrian:
I've probably said before, having a new diagnosis of Agoraphobia and BPD has been a huge revelation.  I can see clearly, where it fits in with "MY issues”.  At first I wanted to shout it from the rooftops, I needed everyone to know that my strange preference to be alone was not some weird phase I was going through for the hell of it, and neither is its intention to disappoint or hurt anyone.  It is actually a product of an illness and has little to do with any individual.

Why do people with BPD have problems maintaining relationships?  What can I do about it?  Can it change? How can I make myself feel something that just isn't there?

It would be nice to WANT to spend time with other people again, especially my family, but the desire is not there.  Will it come back through time and with the “right therapy”?   At this stage, I highly doubt it.  Is my feelings towards family more about true experience from the past, or is it directly relating to BPD?

These are only some of the questions I have begun asking.  But, the most important of them all; the real reason for starting this post…. Is it right or wrong for me to share my diagnosis with my family?  I have to say my preference is to say nothing.  But, somehow, it seems so relevant to our on-going difficulties. Although, from their position. it may well add to their own difficulties.

The National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) guidelines states the following,

The support from family and friends are of "critical importance" in the treatment of BPD, as many people will isolate themselves from these relationships in times of greatest need

People with BPD have difficulty controlling emotions and impulses and find it hard to keep relationships.  A rapid changing view of other people, forms a significant part of their difficulties

These are not exactly ideal traits for improving relations with close family.

Buttercup:
I think the answer very much depends on how close you are to your family. If you're close to them, then sharing would be good idea as the support should be plentiful and aid recovery. If the relationship is strained or there is mental health stigma, then perhaps it is best to keep quiet, are negative comments or a general lack of support going to help or just fuel those underlying issues?

From what I know of your situation Cat, I would probably adopt my general approach. Not say a lot but maybe test the water & see what sort of response comes back before laying your cards on the table.

Catbrian:
Thank you, BC

captainkeefy:
Hard question to answer really. I personally would like to encourage you to open up to those closest to you about your diagnosis in the hope that they showed you more support. The problem is how people respond to you once you've told them.

I would get it out in the open myself but everyone's different.

Catbrian:
My family would never show support.  It must sound terrible, but I wouldn't want support, cause it would probably mean having to be around them more often.  All I want is a little understanding and to be free from their expectations

Expectations - I've got "a thing" about people having expectations of me.  As soon as I feel the expectancy, I automatically pull in the opposite direction, often to my own detriment.  I am not sure if I can fit that trait somewhere within PD or if its root lies elsewhere

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