BPD

[captainkeefy]

I relate to most of that so much it turns my stomach in a knot, especially this...

'Somebody doesn’t ring you when they said they would, with BPD this means they’ve abandoned you.

Somebody asks what you could possibly have to be depressed about, with BPD, you now feel ashamed for feeling this way.'

When I say in my world there is no such thing as constructive criticism.  

'Someone tries to encourage you by pointing out how you could improve on something; with BPD, you only hear the words, "you are a failure".' That's what I mean.

My wife said to me last night "Your going to have to stop acting like this or we will break up." But all I hear is, your a looser and I'm thinking of abandoning you. This depressed me and made me feel like it's all my fault. When all I need is a hug and to be told it'll be okay.

[Catbrian]

I completely understand the emotional turmoil that comes from that off-the-cuff remark.  As I said yesterday, I read that it is advisable for those close to people with BPD to do their own research of the condition.  Developing a better understanding would help them deal with the traits they find particularly difficult.  I think if we are expecting other people to understand us, we need to strive to have a better understanding of their position.

Until I learned of PD, I could not understand why my family have had difficulty dealing with me.  For some reason, I couldn't quite see what exactly their problem was.  Now I understand.  Unfortunately, they are not interested in understanding any MH condition, but I do think MrsCK sounds like she will try to empathise.  The info I've read online by Mind and the Royal College Psychiatrists are actually in booklet form.  I have them in hard copy.  Perhaps something like this will help MrCK understand a little better

[Buttercup]

Hi guys.

I can relate to some of this, especially if people say they'll phone & then don't, or you text someone & they don't reply. The feeling just gets to you. I also spend most of my time feeling like I'm a failure but where I'm confused is that I always understood this to be down to low self esteem as opposed to BPD traits. But it is an abandonment I feel, like well they don't want to be my friend anymore! I get it on here sometimes if I post something & there's no reply!

I think, in a way, this is why I'm worried about my complex psychological assessment, I already feel messed up with the bipolar I don't really want anything else added! And any ideas what the complex bit is about?

[captainkeefy]

Here's how it is for me, imagine being ten, imagine going to bed on Christmas Eve, your all excited. You get up in the morning, you go into your parents bedroom, the not there, they must be downstairs so you run into the living room. The whole room is empty, nothing, no parents, no tree, no presents. The house is empty, your all alone. Why? Is it my fault, are they punishing me? Why are they being so horrible? What did I do?

For me that's how it feels when my wife leaves to go out and I'm supposed to just get on with life. But that's the emotion I have to deal with, my abandonment issue.

[Catbrian]

BC... I feel exactly the same about texts and posts, but I recognise it as a "flaw" - or a symptom of MH - and more often than not, can see past it, and not take offence.  I think this could be put down to low self-esteem or even part of depression.  We all have aspects of PD traits, it is when a number of the traits, or symptoms, are causing tremendous difficulty, is when a PD might be diagnosed.

I have been referred to the "Complex needs Service" for people with PD.  I also asked why the "complex" and was told that it is generally recognised that people with PD have a number of social and psychological difficulties.  I would imagine it is the same for Bipolar.

I know what you mean about fearing a diagnosis of something else.  But, for me, being given a specific diagnosis is something I am able to understand and relate too.  Learning more about PD is helping me see past those awful mood swings; one minute life is nice and purposeful, the next its dark and hopeless and I don't care if I live or die.  When I have been going down recently, I try to remember it is part of the PD mood cycle and any time soon, I will be back full of the joys of spring.  It is helping immensely.

CaptK...  Obviously your abandonment issues originate from a specific experience and maybe less to do with a particular abandonment PD trait.  Was this what the Psychiatrist was suggesting, that you were avoiding something or denying childhood trauma's?  

[captainkeefy]

I think I'm in denial about some things. She said that there has to be a lot more than just my dad leaving. She said I hate both my parents and myself, these things I'm not aware of. I really enjoyed talking to her, I've idealised her now and devalued my therapist. He sits there and stares at me and doesn't say much, like he's judging me. With her she was really good saying little things that really made me feel good "you did all that time in the Army with this abandonment problem?" "Did you know something was wrong before this?" I said it felt like something was building inside and she said "Of course. Ah." She got more out of me in half an hour than my therapist has in 5 hours.
I think it's my abandonment that has fueled my behaviour for years. Then thing that is bugging me at the moment all the soul searching I've done has gone to waste because of the appointments being cancelled.

[Catbrian]

I think it’s perfectly acceptable to be in denial about some deeply personal and challenging issues in our lives.  I’ve been through a number of therapists and each time I was able to face another part of my life that previously was too painful to address.  You could say, up until now, I’ve been in denial over my abandonment issues.

IMO denial is not dishonesty.  Maybe denial is a positive defence mechanism, a dam for our emotions, controlling the flow of what we can handle.

You have been fortunate to get an appointment with a Psychiatrist so quickly. Other people are not as fortunate. Not all Doc's are as attentive as yours either.  Overall, I think it’s a very positive experience for you.  I’m certain you will benefit from an accurate diagnosis, plus a more consistent therapy regime.  I appreciate the diagnosing is daunting, but you seem insightful enough to use this as a tool to improving your situation.

Maybe your opinion of the therapist is more realistic than part of a devaluating cycle.  I’ve done some counselling training and been through enough to know your Therapists behaviour is not appropriate or professional.  The length of time between sessions, particularly when he reschedules, makes me wonder if he has a realistic grasp of your needs.  If he’s doing this with you, I imagine there are others who feel just as P’d off.  I know what you mean about wasted time from him cancelling appointments.  However, in this instance, with this particular Therapist, have you really missed much? 

If you don’t mind me saying, you have come a long way during the course of this past 3-4 weeks.  I listen, learn, and often feel inspiration from your very personal and extremely honest journey of self-discovery.  Your ability and methods of processing all this is admirable.

[captainkeefy]

Thanks,

You know this week is a completely different one for me. I feel completely different from last week. I can't help but think what's changed in the world, why is everything so different. Really it's just me.

To be fair I think I have been a little over critical of my Therapist. The first time he cancelled his daughter was ill and the second he had flu like symptoms. The time he answered the phone it rang twice and the first time he ignored it and the second he did chase the person off the phone as quick as he could. When he was talking about his kids he was giving me an example of how kids think and how much of the world the actually understand. Logically and rationally I think I shouldn't get so uptight about it, but it's these types of small things that really set me off.

I'm finding it quite hard to write today, my mind is drifting quite quickly, trying to get into the past. It's focus is on my mum.

[Catbrian]

I have found during therapy that sometimes my "displaced anger" was directed at the Therapist.  This is perfectly normal.  There are also the "splitting" trait issues, which both of us understand.

My world also feels good this week.   

[captainkeefy]

Hi Catb,

Good morning  +-_

Okay, this has got to be it. I will argue till I'm blue in the face with this. Check out the ICD 10 description and the sub types.

ICD-10

The World Health Organization's ICD-10 lists histrionic personality disorder as:[11]

    [A] personality disorder characterized by:

        shallow and labile affectivity,
        self-dramatization,
        theatricality,
        exaggerated expression of emotions,
        suggestibility,
        egocentricity,
        self-indulgence,
        lack of consideration for others,
        easily hurt feelings, and
        continuous seeking for appreciation, excitement and attention.

It is a requirement of ICD-10 that a diagnosis of any specific personality disorder also satisfies a set of general personality disorder criteria.
Millon's subtypes

Theodore Millon identified six subtypes of histrionic personality disorder.[12] Any individual histrionic may exhibit none or one of the following:

    Appeasing: features of dependent personality disorder and obsessive-compulsive personality disorder
    Disingenuous: features of antisocial personality disorder
    Infantile: features of borderline personality disorder
    Tempestuous: negativistic (passive-aggressive) features
    Theatrical: overtly dramatic, romantic, and attention-seeking
    Vivacious: the seductiveness of the histrionic mixed with the energy typical of hypomania

I'd like to say though. I think this is all written very negatively, personally the way I see this it is someone who is frightened of all the same things as people with BPD, just that they are trying to draw attention to themselves through fear of abandonment. Needing people to praise them and not criticize them. I think it is really similar in many ways moods swings, extreme emotions (except with people with HPD it kind of says Exaggerated expressions. I.e. the emotions aren't real.) I think the emotions are exactly the same as BPD, just that the person finds it hard to express themselves. Because as with BPD they believe their feelings are wrong. I read an a webpage written about HPD and the expert said these emotions sound like they are over-exaggerated and dramatic until you actually sit down with these people and let them open up and then you realize, they are real it's just they have a hard time being heard because people don't believe them. 

[Catbrian]

these emotions sound like they are over-exaggerated and dramatic until you actually sit down with these people and let them open up and then you realize, they are real it's just they have a hard time being heard because people don't believe them.

The above quote is so very true for my own roller-coaster ride of emotions.

[captainkeefy]

For me I'd say from therapy and reading I spend most of my time trying to gain attention or approval while at the same time trying to avoid criticism. I would also say this is linked to my fear of abandonment. I would say I have narsasistic behaviours however I would say that these are more a case of wanting to be seen as worthy by people as appossed to grandiose or superior in the eyes of people.

[captainkeefy]

Hi All,

Went in to speak to with my Therapist, he is looking at transferring me to a specialist personality service. I only spoke to him for about 20 minutes 

[Sweetpea]

That's good news. A specialist will be able to help you better. Its good that your current therapist realises you need more specialist help rather than him carrying on.

S x x x x

Sent from my BlackBerry 9300 using Tapatalk

[Catbrian]

That sound excellent, CaptK.  I also have a referral to a specialist PD service, "The Complex Needs Service" and also a user lead PD support group.  I haven't heard anything yet, but I do also need to organise a car.  For now, I feel I'm just getting used to the diagnosis.