Hello..I've become very depressed.

[Got]

Hello.

I have been through a terrible time recently and now I want to get better. I came out of a relationship two years ago, and since then I have been very unhappy. I wasn't properly happy before the relationship breakup, but that was because of work problems. I was very sick in hospital one year ago with a virus. It tool me a while to get over it but I started to get my strength back and started to feel a bit happier, and I started a new relationship.

Things went badly wrong with my carreer through no fault of my own, and one of my best freinds died. I became more and more stressed and stopped sleeping. I began drinking whiskey to help me sleep, and for some reason I just kept on drinking. I was so completly drunk that i threw my girlfriend over, and now I have lost her. She had become my best friend and I love her very much, I would never dream of hurting her in a million years, and I do not know why I did it..I had lost control. I feel very guilty at how I have hurt her. Now I am very unhappy and depressed. I became suicidal, although fortunatly that has passed.

I am devestated I have lost my relationship and I feel depressed everyday. I know psycologically I need to look to the furture, but I am struggling to see that I can ever be happy. I really do feel as if I have lost everything, but I will try to fight this every single day, until I can one day feel positive again and the pain dissapears.

Steve X

[Got]

I should also add, I have been suffering from anxiety and OCD as well, and I have been in a very horrible mental state for a few months now....but I hope to get better.

[Pete]

Stevie you must read what you have written.



You will see just how strong you are by already saying you will beat this.

Try and stop the whisky it aint no good trust me.....its my weakness and the liver needs rest.
 to the doc and tell him and ask for a full set of blood tests to make sure the scotch hasnt caused too much damage and you can start on some meds to get sorted asap.
Get

[Got]

Thank you. I don't drink at all anymore. I am on 45 mg of mirtazapine. I am very upset that I have become so ill that I have lost someone who I loved...for me this is a very big loss and it causes me much pain. I feel very bad how I have let her down.

I know I can get through this with a lot of hard work, but I am now worried when I will collapse again, as I have had repeated collapses of this kind, and each time the depression gets deeper. I know that I cannot go through life like this, I just want to be able to acheive the things I work towards, and not to keep loosing them as a result of mental illness.

Hopefully this time I will get things right. I hope that I can use this to make me stronger in the long run, and I hope that I can help other people when life gets too much...

[Zaf]

Hi Stevie

You've been through a huge amount of upset and stress and I'm not surprised you are ill.  Its great your girlfriend is still your friend and I can understand how guilty you must feel but she must care for you a lot to still be your friend and almost certainly doesnt blame you for what has happened.

Its very common to have relapses from time to time,  I can only tell you that this time counselling has helped me immensely to understand what causes the depressive episodes, I wonder if you have considered counselling, its often advised in conjunction with medication - the other thing I would say to you is that rest is very important,  and I also know how guilty we feel not being able to do things that we feel we ought to.

Your attitude to this horrible illness is fantastic, determination to beat it is a great asset and I know you'll get a huge amount of help from everyone here :)

[Got]

Thank you,

Unfortunatly she is not my friend, but I am hers. She hates me now, and has told me I am a horrible person, and that she never wants to see me again. I completly understand this response, as she is very angry with me. I hope with time she can understand I have been ill, but at the moment she isn't interested. I feel this is the major obstacle for me towards overcoming the depression. I am someone who cannot bear to upset people or fall out with my friends.

I wake up every night getting upset about this, and I have a feeling that I am going to be doing so for a long time. Because Iam a big strong bloke on the outside, people don't realise that I am suffering on the inside.

I will just have to try my best to keep what I have left of my life on track, and hopefully with time I will get better.

[Zaf]

I'm sorry I misunderstood what you said about still being friends   hopefully she will realise that your illness was the cause of everything going wrong.

You are naturally grieving your loss, and guilt is often part of grieving.  Its not your fault you're ill, do you think you would feel so guilty if you had a heart condition or diabetes?

Putting a  big brave face on is very common for all of us that suffer from depression and its often why we get depressed.  Everyone here will understand and help without any judgement, we have all been there or are still there and have the tee shirt to prove it.....

[Got]

I didn't forgive myself at first, but I do now. It upsets me that I know she likes the person who I am, but she thinks I am someone else. I will just have to give her time, and hopefully we can be friends one day.

In the mean time, I am eating healthily, going to the gym, and I am joining meditation classes. I want this to be the last time I go through a dangerously low depressive patch....but I am worried that this may be impossible.

 

[Depina]

Welcome Stevie
You have had a lot of difficulties. It sounds like you are doing the right things, it will take time but you will get through this I'm sure
Take Care
XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

[Lol]

Stevie you have been through an awful lot and for a very long time. Not only are you suffering with the tortures of depression and OCD, but you are also coming to terms with the loss of your career, the death of a friend, the loss of your girlfriend and guilt. This is overload.

It is very important that you tell you GP how you feel. All the stresses of your life may have contributed to a chemical imbalance which may need correction with medication. I hope you will also consider counselling, which may help you to come to terms with the actions you have made due to the consequences of these stresses.

We will all support you as much as we can. Well done for these first posts.

[Zaf]

I didn't forgive myself at first, but I do now. It upsets me that I know she likes the person who I am, but she thinks I am someone else. I will just have to give her time, and hopefully we can be friends one day.

In the mean time, I am eating healthily, going to the gym, and I am joining meditation classes. I want this to be the last time I go through a dangerously low depressive patch....but I am worried that this may be impossible.

 

Its great you have the strength to fight the depression, try also to allow yourself to just rest from time to time as thats important too.  I have found that gaining an understanding how the illness affects us physically and with tne aid of counselling working out what triggers my episodes has been a great help this time and am sure it will help me fight off further episodes before I manage to slide down to the bottom of the big black hole of depression in the future.

I hope you can become friends again, perhaps if she comes to realise its an illness things will improve in the way she feels

[Got]

Thank you for the kind words of support. It does genuinly help knowing that some people understand.

[Zaf]

I think the only people that can really understand how it feels to be depressed are those that have suffered themselves.

I found his place a lifeline a few months ago and I know everyone's help and support have helped me enormously :)

[Pete]

I agree totally. Although my wife is a diamond i'm not sure she fully understands things but thats maybe my fault because I hide so much in a bid to be strong for her and the family. I even suspect that the way I am or have been has placed so much pressure on her that I now see her showing signs of depression and this in turn makes me want to try and help her.

Basically what I'm saying is that this place (which she doesnt know I use for varying reasons) is a lifeline at times as its the only place where I can open up. Yes a diary is good but this place offers answers and support and really helps.

[Depina]

I realise that it must be hard for partners of people with depression. The highs and lows must be hard to cope with, my up and down moods must have an effect on my husband. I feel quite guilty for that. I just don't seem to be able to cope with things very well. Wish I could just go through life like some people who seem to sail through problems easily. I wish I knew the answer. My mind goes over and over things and I can't stop it, or I can feel anxious for no reason. It must be part of me, I don't think I will ever change. I think it is part of my 'make up'. Now my husband has found out about this site and seen my posts as he registered I can't really say too much in case it is upsetting for him, but I do need the release on here and maybe however small help someone else.
Take Care,sorry this post is quite miserable and I am having a good day !!! Ha Ha
I like the fact that however we feel we still tell jokes on here. Cornish, thanks for your jokes, also Zaf and Lol and loads of others-THANKS  !£?