How are you feeling today?

[Zaf]

These are the two I use.

Breathe in to a count of 5 or 6 and out for a count of the same, pause and repeat, I do it with my eyes closed and visualise the air going in and out.

Breathe in visualsing good air coming into your whole body (mine is usually pink or golden) then when you breathe out visualise all the bad things leaving you with the breath.  I close my eyes and the out breath takes the bad things well away from me.

Hope that might help  %^%

[Amanda]

I will try them, thanks so much

[bookletters]

Thanks for the advice Zaf.
I am starting CBT on Tuesday. It has helped massively in the past so hopefully it will help again.
Part of me is thinking "maybe that's it this time, the depression is not going to lift and I am going to be stuck like that!"
Think it's the illness talking though, need to be more patient.
Not feeling too bad, just impatient to be back to my bubbly self!
Worried about what work colleagues are going to say as well about me being off work with depression :S

[PaulaJo]

Hi bookletters,
You sound a lot like me. I miss my energetic and bubbly former (/ current?) self.
I am interested in your CBT, as I have never had it and I am going to ask my GP about it. I have discussed it with my psychotherapist and I also have been trying some 'DIY' CBT, but I wonder whether 'proper' CBT will be more effective.
I am interested that you are going back - did you find the effects of the CBt wore off?

All the best for Tuesday. I'm sure it will be a positive step. And yes, I would err on the side of thinking that that is the illness talking (I get it too).
 *()

[bookletters]

CBT is absolutely brilliant!
I went the first time thinking "it's not going to work" and couldn't believe how incredibly well it worked!
CBT left me feeling a lot happier for a lot longer and I even reduced the medication by close to half thanks to it!
The problem is, I moved homes and (incredibly stupidly!) lost my CBT file in the process.
I also feel that CBT skills need to be revised and practised so I definitely need a refresher.

[PaulaJo]

That's great to hear - wonderful to hear a success story.
I shall definitely make serious work of the CBT. I'm getting married in a few weeks tho, so a lot of my life is 'on hold' until after then (which is kind of part of the problem, I think).

I think, bookletters, given your past success with CBT, it will probably be helpful to you. Try to stay positive (I know, that's rich, on a depression forum! I hate it when people tell me that - so, my apologies) and ignore the doubts.

 *()

[bookletters]

I had CBT before getting married too!!!
CBT works a lot better if you have someone else there to encourage you. The "behavioural activation" particularly helped but mainly because I had the therapist there to check I was meeting my targets!
I really want to have babies soon but depression makes me think horrible stuff like "what kind of mother are you going to make of you get depressed you won't be able to look after these poor children very well etc etc".... Still, I know it's silly depression talking, I am a teacher and usually very good with kids + hubby can take over if I need a bit of time off I am sure :)
Does anyone get depression in your family?
My mum has an anxiety disorder so I presume my depression and her anxiety could be a genetic problem, who knows!

[PaulaJo]

Today I'm better than yesterday, but still not great. Trying not to think about that, though - being consciously aware that I'm in a little bit of a low phase, seems to make it worse.
Work is very quiet - my bosses are away at meetings so I am trying to keep busy.

[bookletters]

Well done Paula!
Do keep busy, it helps.
I am at home, feeling a bit low too so need to get moving and so things :) xx

[PaulaJo]

Hi bookletters,
Sorry you're feeling low. I think that for people who don't have a depressive illness, a low day is just that - but I find that I then start fretting that I am "on the way down" when I have a low day. I try to focus on other things then, as much as I can.
Hope your day gets better :)

Yeah, I think I have possibly also inherited some of this anxiety & depression as well. My mum, too, has anxiety disorder and is on medication for life. I think my aunts have also struggled with depression.

Nature vs Nurture:
I think part of the depression being inherited is 'nature', and possibly part of that is 'nurture' - obviously it will be different for each different person.
I have wondered, though, if a parent has had depression and you are raised by (amongst others) that parent, the genetics aside, could one be more susceptible to depression as a result?

I would also like to have children, but I worry too, about how I will cope, mental-health wise, and sometimes I have days when life is pointless and so having children feels pointless too. And I guess I also worry that A) I will 'pass on' my depression to them, and B) I will make them depressed.
Being quite hard on myself I suppose.

[bookletters]

Yes Paula, it's totally part of the depression illness to be thinking like that. The fact that we think about wanting children and imagine what it will be like etc shows we are going to be good mums, not the type who just scream abuse at the kids and bully them lol!
Depression makes me think "what's the point of getting better, it's going to keep coming back and you will be back to square one!".... but I dismiss it as I know it's low serotonine levels making me think like that! It is still very painful though!
I also hate looking at other people and thinking "they don't get depression, their life must be soooo much easier".... then again, depression talking. So many people have bad things going on all year long, not just a bit of depression here and there.... Some women have eating disorders, some people live with a gambling addiction, some people are never truly happy whereas when I am out of the woods I am happy.
I agree about the low mood making us panic and think "OMG it's coming back!". CBT helped me massively with that and helped turn potential wobbles into nothing happening.
Depression is a very tough illness but things we can be grateful for: a) medication (50 years ago there was simply NOTHING to help!!) b) the fact that we respond well to medication (I read Sally Brampton's book and she said she would do anything to be one of the lucky people who take AD and then get better) c) we haven't got severe depression to the point of needing to be in a mental hospital d) scientists are working very hard towards new treatment!!
That's what I try to tell myself anyway!
Have a good day at work xx

[Pip]

At the moment what I am hating is feeling tired all the time.

[bookletters]

Tiredness is annoying but I personally prefer tiredness to anxiety / vomiting everywhere hehe!!

[Sweetpea]

(((( hugs )))) tiredness is hard to deal with. Thinking of you Pip. S x x x x

[Amanda]

Quite simply I don't want to be here anymore :-(((((