How are you feeling today?

[Zaf]

I know what you mean, I felt quite sad when I finished my sessions

Z xx

[CharleysAngel']

Really tired, achey, need to go to bed

[Sweetpea]

 &*( &*( icelolly.

S x x x

[CharleysAngel']

Thanks Shaz x

Going to have a nice warm bath first, still feeling the cold from walking home in the heavy rain

[Beetzart]

Feeling crap today.  Tried ringing my pdoc but he is not in but might be able to get hold of his junior doctor instead.  I have been getting worse over the last few weeks and I would consider asking to get admitted or at least get an increase in my meds.

[Zaf]

if you start to feel really bad and cant get to speak to any doctor it might be worth going to A&E or demanding an emergency appointment

Z xx

[Beetzart]

That's right, Zaf.  I've got to do something.  I last saw my GP before xmas about this and told him all my symptoms and he said I had mild depression and didn't need ADs as these were for the long haul.  I then reminded him I was taking venlafaxine, lithium, and buspirone!  So if I did get past the receptionists to get an appointmet today I doubt nothing would happen.  My nearest A&E is 25 miles away and I don't have a car (not that I would drive anyway).  I could always try and see a CPN as a last resort.

Anyway thanks for your reply, Zaf.  Hope your ok today.

[Zaf]

tell the receptionist that if she doesnt get you an urgent appointment you will phone 999, it often works!

Z xx

[Cinderella]

  I feel like absolute &$%+ today. Keep reproaching myself for feeling so depressed and low. Was on holiday with my children and when I came back reached such a low again and hate myself so for it.
I think what is the most difficult thing is that I know that I am self-pitying myslelf but when I get to that point it is so hard to keep lifting myself up.
Some people are gentle and loving towards me and others just totally blank me.
I wanted to run away and never have to come back from this holiday and felt so guilty for feeling so attached to my friend and also for not wanting to leave her house.
In 4 years now I have had exactly 4 depressive episodes and it is so hard, because I am a mother and love my children so much!
The hardest thing is that I had so many dreams and I havent got the strength to fullfill them and therefore batter myself emotionally. I am very proud of my children and all I have achieved, just need a little more love and hope in my life. Dont want to be on Anti-depressants, because they dont really help.

[Beetzart]

Sorry you are feeling so bad, Cinderella.  This is such a wicked, cruel illness.  How many different ADs have you tried?  There are many on the market and some can be combined if needed.  You may just had a bit of bad luck with the ones prescribed for you.  I spent years searching for the right ones and now I am on 4 different meds albeit at fairly low doses, which I really need to get increased.  I do wonder how bad things might be if I didn't take them though.

[Cinderella]

Hi Beetzart.
Thank you for your reply. I have tried 2 different ones. The first one was Citalopram 3 years ago, but had to give it up, because it was making me really anxious. Last July I tried Fluxotine and was on half of the lowest dose, which just kept me going. But as soon as circumstances changed (I am getting to travel to the country where I lived when I was between the age of 5 and 10 years old) I started feeling ok again and no sign of low mood or depression. I think the main issue is guilt and not trusting anyone with my feelings. I always had a very harsh mother as a child, who always expected me to bottle up my feelings of sadness and upset, because she had to do it too.

I dont think anti-depressants really help me at all. I felt terribly sick taking the full dose and my body cant take it.
I feel very isolated, although me husband and children are very caring and so are my parents.

lol

[Beetzart]

Pleased to hear you are surrounded by a caring family, even though it is hard to see it at times they will make a big difference.  As for my parents well they are a bit hit and miss, and my mum keeps saying she doesn't understand (she only has to google it) and dad says nothing as if he sees it as a weakness.

I was on citalopram for several years, it did work but pooped out late last year.  I remember a couple of years back I went to see my GP about something and said I feel really good and do I need to stay on all these meds?  He looked at me very seriously and said 'we don't measure recovery in months, but years, we don't want a repeat episode that you had six months ago'.  He wasn't nasty or anything just giving me the facts.  I know it can feel frustrating taking a drug that doesn't appear to be working but from my experience GPs or Pdocs are always very willing to increase dosage or try a new med. 

All the best

[Zaf]

yuk, its going on to my chest now

[Sweetpea]

 &*( Zaf, are you taking anything to help?

Thinking of you

S x x x x

[Zaf]

yes, lots of things,  I certainly havent had it as bad as everyone else yet thank goodness,  I think it will have to run its course

I cancelled my aromatherapy Friday as I cant lie there coughing and sniffling

Z xx