How are you feeling today?

[cornish]

finally managed to open a letter thats been sat in the kitchen for almost a week. tax rebate suppose thats something positive.

[Zaf]

Somehow you need to find a way of getting out of the vicious circle of work and exhaustion cornish, do you think some sort of counselling would help?

[Munchroom]

I'm feeling ok-ish. Perhaps not as positive as yesterday..... I have work tomorrow night which is making me a bit anxious and I've booked for me and Chris to go away at the weekend to a little cottage in Wales as a treat for him, but I need to phone the owners to talk about arrival times 

[Zaf]

I feel a bit hyper and a touch anxious, the anxious is probably cos I have to go to work soon, no idea why I feel hyper, I must be careful not to go mad doing things while I feel like this or I'll probably go down with a huge bang in a day or two

[Munchroom]

Mmmhmm its important, but frustrating to limit yourself. I tend to find I get hyper when I get tired - I get 'overtired' like a toddler and apparently its quite annoying when everyone else wants to go to sleep 

[Zaf]

I know,  its really frustrating to have all that energy and know I should rest.  David (OH)is a night owl so I've usually exhausted myself by the time he wants to sleep,  I end up getting up incredibly early on days like this,  so I have to try to be really quiet not to wake him 

[cornish]

I know I need to stop doing it but I can't seem to cope when I'm not working. I think the cbt and phychiatrist im suppose to go back to would help but I just can't go, had assessment and did those but then had to have another assessment for my solicitors and It was hell for me

[Zaf]

is there really is no way you can bring yourself to see the cbt or phychiatrist?  There are times when we really have to do things we hate to get better,  I shook the first time I had to go but after a few visits I did notice it was doing some good, I dont think people without depression realise how difficult it is for us to see these people, sometimes even getting outside gives me a panic attack and I always shake when I first get to work, even if it does sometimes stop after a few hours

 Wish I could help more &*(

[Munchroom]

I've gotta say - after talking to you last night and reading Zafs post, I really do agree. You need to attend these appointments in order to get better and I know you are stubborn and I really do appreciate how hard these appointments are to attend but PLEASE!. Try and have something planned for after the appintment if that helps - some green laning or some work on your car perhaps? Something you can focus on as a 'treat'. Maybe just sitting somewhere you are relaxed and eating a bag of your favourite sweets! ANYTHING but I think its really really important that you make yourself go. You force yourself into work every day and that must be a struggle, so you can do it!!!

I've got to know you over the last few weeks and I'm sure people on here - especially Zaf, would agree that we are all behind you and we all want you to get better and will support you all the way - but there is only so much we can do sat behind our computer screens. Sorry if it seems like I'm having a go, or nagging - I'm not intending to!! But I care about you and just really want you to get the help that is available and that you so desperately need  &*(

[Zaf]

yep, we are definitely behind you, and although we seem to be nagging its only because we care  &*(

[cornish]

feel free to nag its what i need and i know your doing it because you care and i really appreciate it.
 the first sessions were hard to go to but i made it, then i had to have the stupid mental health assessment for the solicitors and this has made me loose all trust in any medical professional.

i have tried to sort an appointment out a few times, but it just scares me.  yes i can leave the house for work every day, but its getting harder. i have a lot of problems with using the phone too and ive asked to not have to sort anything out by phone but every letter i get says call this number, it kills me every time

[Munchroom]

How did the emailing them go?

I know all too well how a bad experience with a 'professional' can scare you off - but the CBT person and the phsyciatrist aren't trying to test you or assess you, they are both there to support you, they recognise that you are ill and they are they are offering support and an avenue to getting better. Your appointments with them will be nothing like your assesment, which sounded truly awful and highly unprofessional.

[Zaf]

Is there someone who would phone for you cornish?

Munchroom is right that the cbt person and psychiatrist are there to help you, can you think of any way you could manage to go?

[cornish]

never got a reply, i even tried a few times

unprofessional is an understatement. the words i want to use arent really suitable to use here.   i do know it wont be anything like it and ive had initial appointments but now i have no trust in anyone. i think ill get there, i have managed to build up a bit of trust with munchroom over the past few weeks, so i suppose thats a bit of progress.


i cant trust anyone to do it and i hardly even talk to anyone either, probably only spoke about 4-5 times today. some days i dont speak at all.

[Zaf]

Even a tiny bit of progress is a triumph with this illness cornish  :)

I wish I could help more, all I can say is that counselling and the psychiatric nurse ave always been very nice to me and incredibly helpful