Why won't people connect?

[account deleted]

I don't understand, I look at other peoples relationships, their friendships.
They seem to have good close friends.
I try my best to be a good friend. I want that kind of personal connection.
I'm always pushed away by those that mean the most to me.
I've had enough.

[Debbs]

They probably don't mean to push you away. If you're trying to be a good friend then you probably are. If anything, they may well just be taking you for granted.
I do know what you mean, though. Feel free to message me.

[account deleted]

Hi Debbs,

Thanks for taking the time to reply.
No, I don't think they mean to push me away on purpose...
They probably are taking me for granted.
Oh well, I should just try to get on with things and try to forget about it!

I'm not very good with people, I worry too much.

Cheers.

[AliMcBeer]

heya Guitarman!

You say you see other peoples friendships and relationships and they look close, but sometimes thats not the case at all. when im around some of my friends you would think the same but then when im home and day to day i dont hear from them unless they want something or reply to me. i thought i was pretty close to a few of my friends but since being like this ive not been included in anything, feels like out of sight out of mind lol but i guess its when your going through something like this is when you find out who your true friends are, and i know mine, all 1 of them!!

so try not to worry aout it too much, i think people assume because your depressed they should leave you alone, and not speak to you about their problems etc as friends do, so dont read too much into it, they just dont know how to react i guess.

hope ur ok, Ali

[account deleted]

Hi Ali,

You're probably right. Still feel lonely though!! Although I know lots of people.

It's like a Catch22, you get depressed, folk back off, you get more depressed, folk back off even more.
You get better, folk still remember that you've been depressed and don't want to get close - you get depressed again....

And so on and so forth...

Oh well... sod it, life's too short.

[Ses]

Hey Guitarman,

You've hit the nail on the head. Behaviour breeds behaviour, so they say. It's hard, but try to put yourself outside yourself and look in. You can understand that you might find it hard to be close to yourself if you're low or needy. It's in no way a criticism (trust me, I must be a nightmare to be around at times!!), but sadly human nature is what it is.

I've been reading up on mindfulness, and it's a good idea. If you can make an effort (and I know it's hard) and set a smile on your face and ask people how they're doing. If they're having a bad day, listen and sympathise. Then don't be surprised if they then connect more with you, and then return the favour. Bit by bit it can build back up.

I know it's hard, trust me. But engaging with the compassionate part of you can bring it out in other people. I've tried it the last few days and it's really helped :)

Good luck, and don't forget that you can always connect on here - we get it!

[account deleted]

Hi Ses,

You talk sense... I try.
You're right too it is hard.
I try really hard to be compassionate, but I tend to find blokes think I'm weird and girls think I'm after something else!
But I've decided stuff it. Being kind is part of who I am and people will work that out in time...

Thanks for your reply! :)

[seamie]

hiya guitarman. your right stuff it. it sounds as there too blind too see your a good person or too wrapped up in there selves. be yourself!! i think a lot of people are far too self centred and too shallow to care about others.its hard but dont give up. good luck now!