Devotions

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Gray Areas of Motherhood: What To Do When There’s No Clear Right Answer
September 2, 2024
by Laura Wifler

“If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.” James 1:5 (ESV)

We encounter a lot of decisions in motherhood that don’t seem to have a clear right or wrong answer. Those “gray areas” or everyday motherhood decisions not explicitly addressed in Scripture can easily trip us up, making us feel paralyzed and anxious.

Things like:
Should I enroll my child in this sport?
Where should I send my kid to school?
When do I give my child a phone?
Should I let them watch that show, listen to this music, or hang out with that friend?

Thankfully, God’s Word still gives us guidance and advice so we can employ biblical wisdom in these gray areas. Following biblical wisdom means applying what we know about God and His Word to the situation we have in front of us, and it’s a skill that we can learn with His help. James 1:5 says, “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.”

Asking God for wisdom is our first step when faced with a gray-area decision. In addition, here are three helpful questions for seeking wisdom in unclear situations:

1. Is the cost to me and my family worth it?

Though the idea of cost automatically makes us think of money, this is not the only way to quantify cost. Activities, lifestyles and material items can also cost us time and attention. We should thoughtfully count the cost of our choices in the context of prayer and God's Word, also consulting our spouse if we’re married and our Christian community (where appropriate). Then if we do move forward and say “yes,” we can do so with our eyes wide open to the challenges and risks, ready to try to mitigate them with God’s leadership and help (Luke 14:28).

2. Does this align with my family’s mission?

Every family has a unique and God-given mission. Before we spend time or money on something, we can each stop to consider how it fits into our mission as a woman, a wife and/or a mom as well as the mission of our family unit. Sometimes we see others doing things that look interesting or amazing, and we adopt those goals for ourselves, only to realize later that those things don’t fit the calling God has given us (Ephesians 4:1).

3. How permanent is this decision?

Some decisions are easy to change, some come with a higher level of commitment, and others can be nearly permanent. We don’t need to live in fear of making a big decision. But if possible, we can assess the permanency of the decision and align that with the amount of time, care, consideration and attention we give it as we move forward.

As we learn to negotiate the gray areas of life using gospel-inspired wisdom, we can walk in freedom, able to live for God’s glory without fear, guilt or shame.

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If You're Walking a Road That's Still Really Hard
September 9, 2024
by Lysa TerKeurst, President and Chief Visionary Officer of Proverbs 31 Ministries

“Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.” Hebrews 11:1 (NIV)

Recently, a sweet gal sent me a message on Instagram. She wanted me to know more about her story.  She thought she’d been obedient to God for the past decade after an immense heartbreak, but she was questioning that now because her life was still really hard. She wanted to know if I would be so positive and confident in trusting the Lord if I hadn’t met the man who is now my husband, Chaz.  Such a fair and understandable question.  Trusting God without seeing the redemption we thought we’d get to see by now can feel like the deepest betrayal of all. It’s also what builds our faith, but sometimes we’d rather have relief than another learning opportunity.  I sat with her question for a while. I don’t hang out in my DMs often and rarely get to respond as much as I would like to. But since I read this message, I knew I needed to respond. And I didn’t want my answer to gloss over her deep pain with a few cliché sentences and a Bible verse. She deserved more than that. And so do you, as you may find yourself navigating something similar.  This is what I wrote back:

I’ve spent many nights staring up into the sky, bewildered as I felt my disappointment turn from grief to numbness to distance from God. There were so many times when I thought God was about to turn everything around, but then things got worse. Some of my darkest days were when I couldn’t understand what God was allowing. And my fear was: Because God allowed all of this, what else might He allow?

Slowly, I’ve realized I cannot attach my hope to God making things feel fair. And I certainly can’t attach my hope to my desired outcomes. I have to attach my hope to who God is. He’s good and faithful, a Father who loves me.

God’s character, which never changes, is His promise to me and you. We can stand with assurance on who He is even when we don’t understand what He does or doesn’t do. There are still hurtful things happening surrounding my divorce too. I wish this wasn’t the case for either of us.

I’m grateful God has brought into my life a man who loves Jesus, and I'm grateful for all the joy that comes along with being in a healthy relationship. But even this gift comes with fears and uncertainties. So my challenge now is not to tie my hope of a better future to this new man. It’s the same lesson I was learning during the many years of feeling so very alone. I now have different challenges, but I'm still learning to trust God just like when my friends found new love while I was intensely lonely. It’s so hard.

I understand, and I so wish I could look into your future and whisper back to you all the wonderful things ahead of you. While I can’t do that, I can promise God is at work. Hang on, beautiful friend.

I wanted to make more concrete promises to her about what God is working on. I would have loved to give her a time frame to help ease her angst. I would love to make that possible for all of us. But I guess through my journey, I’ve come to terms with the truth that if it were good for us to have such specific information about our future, God would surely give it to us. So the fact that He isn’t allowing us access to those details lets me know having that information isn't best.  I don’t always want to leave room for this mystery of God. I’m not usually eager to claim verses like Hebrews 11:1 as my favorite: “Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.”

I want faith to operate within my eyesight. I am desperate for visible evidence so that faith doesn’t feel so risky. But faith doesn’t work that way.  Faith will always make us anxious and unsure — unless we are confident in the goodness of God. If we stand firm on His goodness and know everything He allows is somehow flowing from that goodness, then we will have a lot less fear in trusting Him. Faith in God means being assured of His goodness even when what He allows doesn’t feel good, seem good or look good right now.  Today, I hope you feel a little less alone as you walk through your hard situations. Like the sweet friend who sent me a message, we all have what-if questions. But I’ve found the best way to fight through our toughest questions is to create space for more of God’s perspective.

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Embracing Interruptions
September 18, 2024
by Gretchen Saffles

"And rising very early in the morning, while it was still dark, he departed and went out to a desolate place, and there he prayed." Mark 1:35 (ESV)

Some days feel like a continuous string of interruptions. From the moment my feet hit the floor in the morning, I pingpong from diaper changes to unexpected deadlines to snack cleanup to requests that upend my entire daily agenda.  When productivity feels impossible and interruptions multiply, I remind myself of how Jesus handled distractions.  Jesus didn’t turn little children away; He welcomed them into His arms (Mark 10:13-16). He didn’t scold the bleeding woman who touched the hem of His garment while He was on His way to Jairus’ home; instead, He healed her (Luke 8:40-48). Jesus is the ultimate example of how to handle interruptions with grace and purpose.  In Mark 1:35, we see a glimpse into Jesus’ relationship with God the Father while Jesus was on earth: “Rising very early in the morning, while it was still dark, he departed and went out to a desolate place, and there he prayed.”

The quiet never lasted, though, because right after this, Jesus faced the same thing you and I face: interruptions. “And Simon and those who were with him searched for him, and they found him and said to him, ‘Everyone is looking for you’” (Mark 1:36-37, ESV).

Jesus didn’t rebuke Simon for interrupting His solitude. He didn’t snap at His disciples or complain about how they interrupted His quiet time. He said to them, “Let us go on to the next towns, that I may preach there also, for that is why I came out” (Mark 1:38, ESV).

Jesus responded with patience, grace and purpose. He tended to their needs and reminded them of His mission and theirs.  This morning, I woke up before anyone else in the house to read God’s Word. After pouring my coffee, I grabbed my Bible and sat down on our well-worn couch. Like clockwork, I heard a thump, a door opening, and a little voice at the top of the stairs whispering, “I want to come snuggle.”

My children have a sixth sense for when I need time alone or time with God. In these moments, I’m reminded of the grace of Jesus.  Perhaps sometimes the distractions we face when reading God’s Word are His whispers to us to slow down, to remember that we need Him. Maybe the child who calls for us when we’re working, or the friend who asks to chat when we’re heading somewhere, is His ministry for us today.  When seen through the eyes of Christ, interruptions aren’t delays or intrusions at all. Interruptions are opportunities to live out the Word and follow in the footsteps of our King.

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What We Don’t Trust, We Will Try To Control
September 19, 2024
by Lysa TerKeurst, President and Chief Visionary Officer of Proverbs 31 Ministries

“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” Matthew 6:34 (NIV)

Recently, I had the opportunity to visit the command center aboard a ship. Toward the end of the tour, the captain asked if I would like to sit in his seat. As I sat down, I couldn’t help but be amazed at all the skill and expertise necessary to safely run this vessel.  My friends took several pictures of me looking like I was in control. But it was an illusion. I didn’t have the knowledge or the experience to do anything helpful unless the captain instructed me.  Can you imagine if I’d asked the captain, who was fully capable and fully equipped, to entrust his ship into my fully incapable hands?

I can verify, without hesitation, that me being in control of that ship would have been a risk no one wanted to take. It may have felt good to sit at the controls for a few minutes, but if I wanted to return home safely, I had to trust the captain.  In life, there are dangers only the ultimate Captain knows how to handle.  Trying to carry the weight of holding everything and everybody together is a role God never called us to play. And it’s taking a great toll on our peace.  Now, I want to slow down for a minute and acknowledge how tough it is to release control because honestly our motivation isn’t just that we want to be in charge but that we want to be safe.  Sometimes I catch myself mentally running into the future, where I fear there is impending doom, and then trying to make choices today to steer away from trouble. Sometimes this is wise. But while it’s good to plan for the future, we don’t want to obsess over the future. We can control our choices today, but we cannot fully control the outcomes of tomorrow.  I don’t like that last sentence any more than you do.  But as I’ve been on a trust journey over the last couple of months, I’m learning how to acknowledge what may or may not happen in the future while choosing to live in today.

This is what I can control: making wise choices right now, knowing God is a good Captain.
This is what I can’t control: all that happens in the tomorrows to come. Jesus reminds us of this truth in Matthew 6:34: “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”

The only way I have found to stop myself from reaching for control is to recognize when I’m getting controlling. And in that moment of realization, I need to pause and begin surrendering to God what I can’t change:

1.  God, I’m surrendering this unexpected turn of events. Instead of panicking and missing Your provision, I’m going to look for Your provision that is here.

2.  God, I’m surrendering this tension with my friend. Instead of rushing to make judgments against her or myself, I’m going to let the Jesus in me talk to the Jesus in her through prayer before addressing this issue.

3.  God, I’m surrendering how sad I feel today. Instead of trying to numb out in unhealthy ways, I’m going to worship, listen to Your Truth, look for Your presence in nature, or process this with people who are biblically wise.

These prayers are my way of acknowledging that God leads and I follow. Now, please note that I used the word “surrendering,” which indicates I’m still in the process of doing this. I have in no way perfected this but I am willing to practice it, and I hope you’ll join me.  God already knows how flawed our efforts will be, but any time we keep our hearts bent toward Him rather than pull away from Him, that’s good progress.

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While We Wait on God’s Promises
October 3, 2024
by Lysa TerKeurst
President and Chief Visionary Officer of Proverbs 31 Ministries

“Blessed is the man who makes the LORD his trust …” Psalm 40:4 (ESV)

Are there deep disappointments in your life that seem to be lingering? Do you feel like you’ve prayed the same prayers with little to no change?

I understand how hard that is. And although the circumstances of your life may be different from mine, we all have our middle-of-the-night moments wrestling through tears.  Some memories still hurt. Realities that make you wonder if you’ll ever feel normal again. Sufferings that seem forever long. And you’re disappointed that today you aren’t living the promises of God you’ve begged would come to pass.  In your most private moments, you want to scream at the unfairness of it all. But then there are more hopeful moments when you want to turn up the praise music, lift honest prayers, and declare God is good even when the situation doesn’t seem good.  Hurting but still trusting that’s the human journey.  And that’s where we find David in Psalm 40. In the first 10 verses, David praised God for delivering him, but in verses 11-17, he cried out for God to deliver him again.  Trusting doesn’t mean we ignore reality. It means we acknowledge reality in the very same breath that we acknowledge God’s sovereignty His absolute ability and power to work as He sees best.  Our trust can’t be tied to whether or not a circumstance or another person changes. Our trust must be tied to the unchanging promises of God. We hope for the good we know God will ultimately bring from our situation, whether the good matches our desires or not. And sometimes that takes a while. The process often requires us to be persevering and patient.  Honestly, I know that can feel a little overwhelming. I want the promise of Psalm 40:4 “blessed is the man who makes the LORD his trust” but I forget this kind of trust in God is often forged in the crucible of long-suffering.

God isn’t picking on me. God is picking me to personally live out His promises.  It’s a high honor. But it doesn’t always feel that way. I’ve got to walk through the low places of the process before I’m perfectly equipped to live the promise. We read about this in Psalm 40:1-3:  “I waited patiently for the LORD; he inclined to me and heard my cry. He drew me up from the pit of destruction, out of the miry bog, and set my feet upon a rock, making my steps secure. He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God. Many will see and fear, and put their trust in the LORD” (ESV).

The idea of waiting patiently is incredibly important in this psalm. The Hebrew word for “waited” in verse 1 indicates it’s ongoing, and it holds a sense of eager expectancy and hope.  So while I want the solid rock on which to stand, first I have to wait patiently for the Lord to lift me out of the slime and mud and to “set my feet” (Psalm 40:2, ESV).

That word “set” in the original Hebrew is qum, which also means “arise or take a stand.” God has to take me through the process of getting unstuck from what’s been holding me captive before I can take a stand.  I also want that new song promised in Psalm 40:3. Did you notice, though, what comes before it?

Many cries to the Lord for help. The most powerful praise songs are often guttural cries of pain that have turned into beautiful melodies.  I know this is hard. So let me be the one to lean in and whisper these words to you as we begin to wrestle through this journey together: God is working things out. He’s not far away. He is right here with us. Even if our prayers aren’t answered in the way and the timing we want. Even when this process feels messy. We can trust that God is good.