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[Amanda_George]

What did you enjoy most on your course, what did you learn, what sort of thing are you applying for - programming or support/helpdesk or building computers or something else so that I can look for jobs for you     Maybe contact the student helpdesk via your student desktop on the OU site too?  See if they've got any other ideas too?

[lostmyway]

I have a book from the Open Uni that may help and their alumni site too.  I am not sure what to do and how to approach it all.  It was mostly networking with some programming.  Support and helpdesk are a possibility.

[Amanda_George]

How many points did you study to get your DipHE?  For an Honours degree you need 360 points (240 without Honours) which takes at least 4 years full time or 6 years part time study.  Definitely contact the alumni bods for advice... they should definitely be able to help you with places to look for jobs and be able to come up with ways for you to get experience too!

[lostmyway]

ADDENDUM:

I don't think I have felt as so low and desperate as I do right now.  Everyone has a threshold, it has gone beyond the threshold.  I honestly do not know when this is EVER going to end... there doesnt seem any point to anything anymore, I know this is nothing new but it really is beyond a joke.  Oneday it will all be over, and looks like that is getting a better idea every day that goes by, because I see NO way out.

Everyone else gets on with their lives, while mine stands still as always.  Sick to death of it

[Amanda_George]

BTDT and don't know what to say to help, other than it *can*, *will* and *does* get better eventually.  Don't plan anything major for a while, just stay in bed and cry if you want to.  I did.

Maybe have a word with your GP about how you're feeling?  Ask for a referral to a counsellor or psychologist or something like that?

I know that right now you can't see an end to it but there are better times ahead and you'll be a better you when you come out of the other side.

Right now everything feels heavy and black.  I also understand that.  I've been there.  Just concentrate on you for now, do whatever it is to help you to feel even slightly better.

Put your favourite music or radio station or TV programme on and just try and escape into it for a while.  Right now you need to concentrate on feeling better so feel free to tell anyone who requests anything to get lost until you come out of the other side of how you are feeling.

if you want it?

[lostmyway]

I have done the psych/counsellor route, it didn't come to anything.  Frankly, I could find out more useful information just googling coping with depression.  My last 2 GPs said i was pessimistic and to 'go for a walk', that says it all.   My problem is I am completely cut off from people; someone suggested going to a charity that did woodwork, another fixing bikes.. NOT what I am interested in to be honest. The real problem is the length of time this situation has gone on for and no member of the medical profession can change that one iota.  Another is the age conundrum, it has dawned on me bigtime that it feels like too little, too late - I know that could be classed as irrational, but that is how I FEEL.

I don't know what to do anymore, everything is so much effort right now... but I'm sure I am not the only one.

[Amanda_George]

I have done the psych/counsellor route, it didn't come to anything.  Frankly, I could find out more useful information just googling coping with depression.  My last 2 GPs said i was pessimistic and to 'go for a walk', that says it all.   My problem is I am completely cut off from people; someone suggested going to a charity that did woodwork, another fixing bikes.. NOT what I am interested in to be honest. The real problem is the length of time this situation has gone on for and no member of the medical profession can change that one iota.  Another is the age conundrum, it has dawned on me bigtime that it feels like too little, too late - I know that could be classed as irrational, but that is how I FEEL.

I don't know what to do anymore, everything is so much effort right now... but I'm sure I am not the only one.

What I'm about to suggest would have felt like the impossible when I was as low as you are, but how about going for a walk with a dog every morning?  It doesn't need to be far (unless you want to of course) - I only do 100 metres a day with our dog, but even that short distance wakes my endorphins up then I come home and slowly, throughout the course of the day, drink a litre of coconut milk.  Just knowing that I've made a difference to that dog by giving them the exercise they need gets me out of the house for a few short minutes which seems to motivate me to try something else (put the pop bottles in the recycling or empty the living room bin or whatever).

If you don't want to walk a dog, that's totally cool and groovy, but a slow walk around the block as soon as you wake up every morning will kick your endorphins into gear.  The coconut milk slightly lifts my mood too, which is why I'm suggesting that.

One of my friends is a qualified counsellor who just needs some supervised experience before she can practise on her own... would you mind if I passed your details on to her?  Feel free to say no if you would prefer of course   

[lostmyway]

Basically you're saying 'go for a walk' like my GP did.  BTW I don't have a dog.

[Amanda_George]

I'm just talking from experience.  This is the first time I've been off AD's since I was 19 (I'm 41 now) and just walking that hundred metres every morning has stopped me being suicidal so far.  It's the last thing you want to do right now and I understand that 'cos I felt the same way when I first started regularly walking our pup... it was the last thing I wanted to do, but that 10 or 15 minute walk every morning blows the cobwebs away and sets me up for the day.

Have you had your vitamin levels checked recently?  Especially your D and B12?  Mine were tested last year and I was low in both so I've been taking four supplements ever since and they've helped me too.

How about coconut milk?  You have to drink a litre of it before you start feeling a slight improvement in your mood but I swear by that and ginger for nausea now!

You can do this, Lost, I ain't going anywhere and I know that right now you're angry with me for suggesting exercise and that it's the last thing you want to do right now, but I know from experience what has helped me and I'm just suggesting those things for you too.

[lostmyway]

I'm not angry I am just not doing well right now.  AD's are hell to get off, I tried getting off Escitalopram and it didn't end well.  The vitamin D and B12 thing I am not sure about to be honest, it's a possibility.

[Amanda_George]

I was forced off the Citalopram because of the new recipe having an allergen in it so I finished off the box and didn't take any more.  There have been tough days since coming off it 'cos my body had been taking it since 2003 (I was on Amitriptyline before that) so it was kinda expecting to have the next dose, but when it didn't come my body got into a bit of a flap.  The combination of 4 supplements and walking our pup every morning has kept me stable ever since though.

There are still occasional days when my motivation hits a low but I just down a litre of coconut milk and spray the intense B12 into my mouth and I'm good to go again within minutes.

I've been where you are now, Lost, and I know and understand how frustrating it is when all you hear is to go for a walk, especially from a fellow sufferer, but when you get into a routine and you have someone depending on that routine every day, if you can find the motivation for the first couple of weeks and you take yourself out to get a pint of milk or the morning paper or visit your library or whatever, you will start to notice an slight increase in your mood.

My body depends on the daily walks with the pup and the supplements every day instead of the Citalopram now and I just have to look into our pup's eyes when the motivation starts to throw a strop and I know that I have to do it for her.  She's relying on me for her exercise every morning, in all weathers, and she can't open the front door to take herself, so I know that she's relying on me and I promise myself a bar of chocolate or whatever when we get back which I rarely need now 'cos I'm more motivated than she is some days! lol

Do yourself a favour and get your vitamin levels checked by your GP then come home and order a B12 spray from Amazon.  When your motivation/feelings are low, squirt a couple of sprays under your tongue and it'll start working it's magic almost immediately.

[lostmyway]

The B12 spray idea isn't a bad one, it might help a bit.  I don't want to be on ADs for the rest of my life, they work to an extent but the side-effects and withdrawal effects are appalling.

[Amanda_George]

You are so right about the AD's, Lost.  Get your vitamin B12 and D tested before you try the spray though otherwise the result will not be your normal levels and you need that to get started.  A lot of people's vitamin D is low during the darker months, so don't worry if yours is, you'll just be given a prescription for a months supply of vitamin D capsules and if your B12 is low, they'll give you 3 injections over about 10 days then either prescribe B12 pills, or, if they care about saving you and them money, they'll say to take B12 supplements and it's then that the spray will really help 'cos you can't OD on B12 but it can really lift your mood and motivation on those dark days.

You can get off AD's it's just better to do it slowly and with lots of support in place.  I just take my AP and 4 supplements now and walking the pup tops up my vitamin D when the sun is out.

[lostmyway]

Yes, I don't know what the B12 and D vitamin levels are, that's true.

[Amanda_George]

I can only tell you what has happened to me, but after I'd got the vitamin results back and found that I was low in D and B12, within literally seconds of having the first injected dose of whatever it was I felt better than I ever had in my entire life!  I was wide awake, happy, motivated, had energy, motivation was oozing from every pore and life was suddenly in HD!  I was on top of the world and wanted to stay like that for the rest of my life!  To a lesser extent I get that with the B12 spray every time I use it... couldn't be without it now though!

I take a B12 supplement every morning as standard now and that keeps me on a pretty even keel for the entire day and most of the night.  I don't take vitamin D 'cos it's in the Multi that I take and it's toxic if you take too much of that or Vitamin A, but those 5 pills (the 4 supplements in the morning and the AP in the evening) keep my mood at feeling OK.  When I need more motivation or energy or my mood is starting to dip or whatever, out comes the B12 spray and I squirt 4 sprays of it under my tongue.  By the time I've put it back in my bag I'm fine again!  I've even been able to decrease the dose of the AP since I started rattling with all those pills!  It's still a high dose and I do still sometimes get paranoid (my sign of a psychotic episode starting soon) but it's not the maximum dose any more and when I get through the SAD this year (first time in 22 years without an AD), I'm hoping to ask my GP if I can reduce it even more!

Take things really slowly and make sure you've got enough support in place before you even start to think of coming off your AD, yeah?