Author Topic: More jokes from the writing forum  (Read 147 times)

Amanda_George

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More jokes from the writing forum
« on: June 28, 2018, 10:04:27 AM »
All I'm guilty of is copying and pasting them onto this forum!  lol

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Two hydrogen atoms are walking down the road. One stops and says, "Damn it! I've lost an electron!" The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "I'm positive!"

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What do you call a row of rabbits hopping away? A receding hare line!

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A camel meets an elephant. The elephant asks jokingly: “Why do you have two breasts on your back?” The camel replies: “With a face like yours, I’d just shut up.”

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A woman was just taking a bath when she heard the doorbell. She thought she’d just pretend not to be home but then the ringer called, “Hello? Anybody home? I’m the blind guy!”

“Ah well, if he is blind I can go and open the door just like this. No need to dress.” thought the lady, hauled herself out of the bath and went to open the door.

“Wow,” said the guy waiting there, “you should be on a fitness studio advertisement!  Now, where should I put those blinds?”

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Two mice meet and start chatting. “Look,” says one, “I’ve got a new boyfriend!” and shows the other mouse a picture on her phone.  “OMG,” cries the other mouse, “that’s a bat!”   “What?! He told me he was a pilot!”

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An Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman walk into a bar.

The barman looks at them coldly and asks "Is this some kind of joke?"

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Two fonts walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Sod off.  We don't serve your type around here."
Money talks, chocolate sings!  :-D

May your life be as pleasant as you are.

Pip

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Re: More jokes from the writing forum
« Reply #1 on: July 02, 2018, 08:23:45 PM »
 :m121: :lolbig2: :rofl: :lol3:

Amanda_George

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Re: More jokes from the writing forum
« Reply #2 on: July 12, 2018, 09:49:08 AM »
More jokes from the same writing forum:

Why did the can crusher quit his job?
Because it was soda pressing.


What happens to a frog's car when it breaks down?
It gets toad away.


Knock-knock jokes are fun, the person who came up with them should definitely get a No-Bell prize.


My friend bought a dog from a Blacksmith.
As soon as he got it home, it made a bolt for the door.


On a beautiful summer’s day, two English tourists were driving through Wales.

At Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwyllllantysiliogogogoch they stopped for lunch and one of the tourists asked the waitress: “Before we order, I wonder if you could settle an argument for us. Can you pronounce where we are, very, very, very slowly?”

The girl leaned over and said: “Burrr… gurrr… King.”


Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth. Then it becomes a soap opera.


News: "Boy George's reptile bites 5 people in one day."

He needs a calmer chameleon.


What do you call an alligator that’s wearing a vest?
 
An investigator.


A lizard walks into a bar pushing a baby in a pram. "What's your kid's name?" asks the bartender. "Tiny," says the lizard. "Because he's my newt."


Knock. Knock

Who's there?

Panther.

Panther who?

Panther no pants, I'm goin' thwimmin'.


Andy has 150 candy bars. He eats 125. What does Andy have now?

Type 2 Diabetes. Andy has diabetes now.
Money talks, chocolate sings!  :-D

May your life be as pleasant as you are.

Amanda_George

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Re: More jokes from the writing forum
« Reply #3 on: July 18, 2018, 10:27:39 AM »
What's the difference between a guitar and a fish?
 You can tune a guitar, but you can't tuna fish.
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What did the green grape say to the purple grape?
 "Breathe, stupid!"
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Why does a chicken coop have two doors?

Because if it had four doors then it'd be a chicken sedan.
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Diplomatic 'Speak your weight machine'.

"Your ideal height is eleven feet six inches."
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The past, the present, and the future walk into a bar.
It was tense.
Money talks, chocolate sings!  :-D

May your life be as pleasant as you are.

Pip

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Re: More jokes from the writing forum
« Reply #4 on: July 20, 2018, 08:20:01 PM »
 :confused0062:

Amanda_George

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Re: More jokes from the writing forum
« Reply #5 on: July 21, 2018, 12:06:25 PM »
A lady comes home from her doctor's appointment grinning from ear to ear. Her husband asks, "Why are you so happy?" The wife says, "The doctor told me that for a forty-five year old woman, I have the breasts of a eighteen year old." "Oh yeah?" quipped her husband, "What did he say about your forty-five year old ass?" She said, "Your name never came up in the conversation."

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A woman is trying all sorts of lotions, potions, and exercises, to increase her bust size.  None of them seem to work.

Her husband suggests she just rubs a couple of squares of toilet tissue up and down between her breasts a few times each day.

"I'll try anything, but how does that work?"

"No idea, Love.  But it's worked on your arse."

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Why did the dyslexic agnostic with insomnia stay up all night? A: She was wondering if there really is a dog.

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dyslexics of the world:  UNTIE

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 How much room is needed for fungi to grow?
 As mushroom as possible

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What do you call a fake noodle?
 An Impasta.

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Money talks, chocolate sings!  :-D

May your life be as pleasant as you are.