Author Topic: Hello my name is Andy  (Read 2058 times)

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Hello my name is Andy
« on: August 02, 2009, 08:19:12 PM »
splatno1 - Posted: Sun Jun 21, 2009 12:57 pm 

Hello
My name is Andy, a 32 year old male Boyfriend and Father.
I have suffered with depression for many years and have been able to control these low feelings i have on a daily basis. My worst spate was about 6 years ago when i slowly ceased to function normaly, fortunately i managed to climb my way out and scrape through. About 7 weeks ago i awoke crying for no apparent reason and just sat on the end of my bed looking out at the rain wishing i was dead. I called in sick to work, i rarely leave the house, my hygeine im ashamed to say is well below standard. Family have said its the debt im in or the fact i dislike my job but its so much more than that. Its true i have debts that have started to spiral, but i can cope with that. Its true that i dislike my job, but show me a handful of people who truly want to go to work. And even if these were the case for my depression is it normal to cry at the drop of the hat, to have suicidal thoughts on a hourly minutely secondly basis, to wish harm upon others, to imagine inflicting harm upon others, even loved ones? Everytime i drink out of a glass or cup i have to restrain myself from throwing it.
A list of things that could have caused this...
I was mentally and physically abused up until the age of 13
I am very overweight
i have debts
I have lived perfectly normaly with all the above for 32 years so why am i shutting down so drastically?
My partner has discussed leaving me because she thinks im just lazy and un-motivated, my family all just shout at me to get a life and pull myself up.
Is it defeatest to say "I CAN'T"?
Sorry for boring whoever is reading this but if anyone understands its the soles filtering through this website.

Thanks for listening

Andy
 

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Re: Hello my name is Andy
« Reply #1 on: August 02, 2009, 08:20:16 PM »
Ezel   Posted: Mon Jun 22, 2009 2:32 pm 
 
Hi Andy,

Your issues are real and it's easy for others to tell you to pull yourself together but the reality is that you can't just do that. Have you had counselling for the abuse you suffered as a child? I hope you don't mind me asking but do you blame yourself for what happened? If you do please don't as you wasn't to blame as you was an innocent child.

Going on what you have posted it's the root of your depression and any other problems you have now ie debt and being overweight could be symptonmatic of what happened to you as a child. You really do need appropiate help and support instead of being judged but you know you need understanding as well.

Does your girlfriend know what happened in your past?

Sorry for the questions and thank you for being so honest.

Pip

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Re: Hello my name is Andy
« Reply #2 on: August 02, 2009, 08:21:30 PM »
Tigger - Posted: Mon Jun 22, 2009 3:35 pm 
 
Hello Andy,

It's hard dealing with depression at times. I get angry when I'm depressed and I am an expert pillow thrower which helps without damaging anything or anybody.