I AM A SOCIAL MISFIT!!!

[Stacelet]

I have always felt that I don't fit in. I am told I'm stunning and a fun person but everywhere I go I feel like an outcast I am still looking for a job and again each interview I go to I just don't fit in! I can feel it. I am rather quirky and I guess that is what I come across as. I am 37 and single as every guy I meet tries to keep me indoors and does what he wants and are really selfish and all I want is a loving family. I seem to attract Narcissists and it is becoming a pattern. I am going mad now. I don't know what direction to take or who to talk to as I just do everyones head in. I feel like I shouldn't even be here whats my point? I have no kids no husband and no job. I don't know what I did to deserve this? Maybe I am a horrible person? I am driving myself mad. My so called friends are all settled with their families etc so I just see them when they can fit me in!!! I just sit here alone every night and at weekends. I don't think anyone would even notice.

[Pip]

I'm sorry I missed your post.

You don't deserve to feel the way you do, nobody does.  During my 20s all of my friends got married or had long term partners so I felt a bit like you do except I had a job.  Whenever there were parties I felt like the odd one out so avoided them when I could unless I was pressured due to their partners / husbands had a single male friend going to the party.  I hated that more than missing social gatherings.  For a period of about three years when I had changed jobs it got a bit easier as there were single people I could mix with then met my husband when I was 32.  It wasn't fun feeling like a social misfit.

It's hard being single as a woman particularly the older you get either.  Try not to lose hope though as you never know what the future holds.

[stewart]

Hi Stacelet ,
one of the big probs with depression is it can make us feel like we dont fit in, or as you say make you feel like a horrible person, and im shure that is not the case.

you have taken a big step in posting here, so that is indeed a step in the right direction, you will find plenty of people here to talk to, and it will be people who will not judge you, but offer advice and support. chances are you will find people on here who are in a similar situation, and can offer first hand advice or ideas on how to cope with things.

Have you spoke to your doc about how you feel? she / he could percribe some medication.

Try and not let the no job situation get you so much, (i know easier said than done) but there are many people around who are unemployed.

[beautydylan]

You're definitely not a horrible person, are you seeking professional help? 

[lostmyway]

Hi Stacelet

I can relate to what you are saying. I am 43 and am single , not working at present, and always find socialising and getting out/making new friends a bit awkward.  I am studying at the moment, that is keeping my mind ticking over a bit.  It is difficult I agree when you see most other people not in your situation , and have all the things that we seemingly want, but don't have.  I am kinda introverted, and a bit of a computer nerd type.  Socialising in a big way just isn't something I find easy (nothing new there).

There are many that arent working even though it's not much comfort.  I hope things get better for you.

[stewart]

Hi again Stacelet , should have mentioned in my last message to you,
see if there is a MIND office in your area, they have some great support workers, and you may find them helpfull

[Randomman]

Hello Stacelet.

I've just joined this forum and read your post. I totally get what your saying. For me, no matter what other people say to me i cannot feel connected to others. I have always felt like I'm on the outside looking in. i feel socially inept and find i have nothing to say to people. I must admit I have a coupe of good friends, but they are people who have had similar problems to me. Those I've known for many years just keep away from me. That makes me feel very unwanted, confirming my own feelings about myself.

But. there are things that i have managed to do that have helped me become more self reliant, helping me to seek peace from within. To get the ball rolling i spoke to a mental health professional about my suicidal thoughts. This prompted action leading me to be put under the Home Treatment Team. since then i have had several sessions of CBT, which has helped me open up more and supported me to create a new rule for life, one that helps me accept who i am.

I have also found something to do that i can involve myself in and which doesn't involve anyone else. Creative pursuits can be so useful, whether you have natural skill or not. its about having a go and enjoying the process.

Lastly, and this is not for everyone. i began reading into buddhism. Looking at it as a way of life helps to put aside any religious connotations for anyone who might be averse to such things. As i have read more and more and begun to practice simple meditation i have realised how in line mental health services have become with buddhist principles. I have recently been on a short course called Compassionate Mind. Its run by The Recovery College. They are worth looking up as they might run courses in your area. Compassionate Mind teaches you to practice soothing breathing techniques as well as visualisation and meditation. It imbeds within you the principle of being compassionate to yourself and to others. I found it really useful.

I hope you are feeling better than you were when you wrote your post.

[lostmyway]

when i got to 40 i did feel that i had kinda missed the boat so to speak on everything.  things don't always work out the way you would like for various reasons.
If you are not gregarious and outgoing and in a situation to make things happen then ... this is the way it seems to go.

its usually a mixture of different things that seem to go against you sometimes e.g. not working, quiet and not sociable, few friends , lack of opportunities and so on...
It's hard to deal with.  Hang in there.