im so low

[georgeboy]

This is my first post.
Im newly married with 2 kids, a new house and work is ok.
But im unable to enjoy anything because im so depressed. Have anxiety and obsessive thoughts.
I had come off my latest anti depressant as life was good and thought i could cope.
I cant. I dont want the side effects.
Im currently trying st johns wort 1000mg and B vitamins but they seem to be doing nothing. Im gonna try SAMe also to see if that helps.
Im barely sleeping, find enjoyment in nothing, have few close friends (depression over the years bas made me make myself a recluse at times) and am finding it hard not to hate myself.
This was a nee prriod in my life, i thought a chance to kick on and make life happy for myself, wife and kids. Instead depression yet sgain rules my life, and i dont know if this is a life i want.

[RedAlex76]

Hi Georgeboy

I can honestly say that on much of what you have said I am feeling the same with the one difference that I do not take any form of medication.

I to am only recently married after being with my now wife 11 years preciously and I am finding myself asking was it really the right thing to do? But at the same time there are a lot of factors behind that self questioning!

I am always available to talk to as are many others on here if you ever need it and it is always best to try and get things out in the open even if it is to a bunch of people you don't personally know!

So please let this be a positive step for you to be able to communicate anything you wish to and most importantly Welcome to the forum you really are not alone!

[Pip]

 :welcome:

[georgeboy]

thanks redalex for taking the time to reply.
I don't want to be on any medication but am struggling to cope at the moment and feel I need something. Im trying to go the more natural route with less side effects etc but so far haven't found anything that helps.
I love my wife and believe she is the one for me but I suppose im starting to have doubts also as Ive only been married 6 months but ive been unhappy most of that time. When im down I obsess over her past before me, blokes she went with etc etc and that brings me further and further down, I wonder if she does really want me or if Im just the only guy who asked her.
Why do you think you may have done the wrong thing?

[Pip]

Being depressed wont help the way you are feeling but it is a vicious circle.  I'm not sure if it's just a 'man thing' or not obsessing over your wife's past but I have had a couple of female friends who have had the same worries about their husbands.

[RedAlex76]

Hey Georgeboy

First of all let me just say this, in my experience if a woman says yes to getting married to you and manage to make it through that emotional day she believes you are the one for her! At no point will she be thinking that you aren't the one for her! As long as you keep this in the front of your thoughts you'll be okay! As for the worrying about the people she was with before you all you have to remember there is that they helped to make the person you fell in love with! Just as any relationship you had before you met your wife helped to make you who you are today! If you start to over analyse such things you will only end up hurting the one you love! Yes when you are at your lowest you will feel as if you don't understand why she chose you, but I promise you the reasons she did are so powerful and will never disappear take them into your heart at every moment in the knowledge that she loves you just as much and maybe that little bit more than you do!

As for me the reasons behind why I question myself if I made the right decision are many and is something I won't go into them right now but keep an eye out on the 'I need a rant' forum as I am planning on putting something up in the near future about some of the issues that plague my mind. It sound  like I maybe in a slightly different position to you though. Including the two years we have been married I have been with my wife for 13 years in total and we have a gorgeous 9yr old daughter.

I will leave it there for the moment but if you need to talk you can always leave me a message through the forums.

[georgeboy]

Thanks Redalex
Thats good of you to say those things and i hope you are right. There is a lot more to it and suppose have only just scratched the surface but what you said did make me feel a little better. We have a beautiful daughter also. She is 3. Weve been together 5 years.
Same goes for me, if you want to share your troubles it can only help to sh.are them. Im happy to listen.
Cheers

[lucyellen]

Hi both,
I have only just joined this site to have some like minded people to talk to and share concerns ,I have recently been diagnosed and have been prescribed Citalopram , i think i may be a bit like you i"ve been married 10 years to the man i love with every sense of my being but im insanly jealous and hate him being away from me ,not a problem day to day until ive had a few glasses of wine and then go on and on at him so i knocked any form of drinking on the head and went to see the doctor.. The reason i think im like you is im so in love this person i im jealous of what was and might be and cant rid the feelings ,that i doubt in myself that they love me even though they constantly declare it .I feel like i will end up driving him away if i dont get happy and be so called normal ,I have 3 children 1 true friend and no family to talk too xx

[stewart]

Hi george, welcome to the forums.
coming off anti d's can be a dificult task, and should not be done without doctors advice, also there are many anti d's out there and some can have diferent effects on diferent people, unfortunatly it is not a one size fits all.
also the doc may perscribe a combination of tablets to find the ones that help you best.

[georgeboy]

Thanks pip, being jealous is a horrible thing.
Stewart, thanks for the advice, I have just been to see my doctor to let her know what Im doing.
Lucy, I am familiar with some of the feelings you are having, being jealous of somebody you love is a horrible nasty feeling. I have come to realise that my main reasons for this jealousy of my wife stems from my own insecurities. Im at the moment torn between whether I should be discussing certain issues I have with her past in the hope that it might help me to deal with them and move on, or whether to let the past be the past and put it all down to my own problems and insecurities. If she knows just what I am thinking it could also start to push her away. From my own experiences I would say to you that your Husband obviously loves you and it is your own issues that you need to sort, maybe sometimes we start to look for problems where there aren't any when we are feeling depressed. Hopefully those tablets work for you and things start to get easier.
Having said that I probably aren't one to be trying to give advice

[Pip]

Welcome lucyellen

[RedAlex76]

Firstly welcome Lucyellen 

Now to both you and Georgeboy, where as I can see where you are both coming from my position is slightly different in as much of the fact that jealousy is not part of my issues they are different on many different levels. But that is not to say that I am distancing myself from what you are going through because  I am not. I am and have always been somebody who is here to help others no matter what the issue big or small and please anytime you feel as if you need to talk then please feel free toget in touch.

I will give a very basic overview of what is going on with me in regards to my relationship! For sometime now there has been a increasing lack of physical closeness (in the bedroom  ) it became more and more obvious to me that any such moves or initiations were always begun by me. Now I don  know how most people feel about this but to me such a physical nature of the relationship should always be a two way thing I'm not saying that she has ever stopped me or made me feel as if I was forcing her cause I would never do that but I truly got fed up with being the only one to start anything. And yes I have talked to her about this on more than one occasion and she always says that she wants things to be how they used to be but I've been having the same conversation over and over for more years than I would like to remember! To be honest I am more than a little fed up with it all! Couple that with the growing feeling we are more like friends than anything else and maybe you can get a small idea of what I am going through! Oh and then there is the small fact that she doesn't seem to see there are problems even though earlier this year I wrote her a 5 page letter telling her I wasn't happy.

Sorry I said a brief overview but I will ask this question..... how many times can a person have the same conversation before they give up completely ?????

[lucyellen]

Well i can see where your coming from, my husband also had that conversation with me and this is what i told him , we have 3 small children and a large house that they ruin everyday so must be tidied constantly ,by the time he comes in from work and its time for us to go to bed you can tell hes sometimes moody and i know it sounds bad but its the last thing you want to do ,Now how we resolved that issue is getting away for the weekend talking and just building back up the romance the odd text here phone call there it doesnt sound alot but it means a great deal hope this helps in some way from a womans perspective :)But we are all walking in our shoes and not each others so i dont know if it will or not , the advice we can give each other is good if we can take something positive out it :)

[RedAlex76]

Hi Lucy

I can see where your coming from and I understand how that feels. We live in a two bed flat with a 9yr old daughter and even that can be hard to keep things tidy. But if the place gets too messy it is always me who ends up getting fed up and tidying rooms up on lore than one occasion in the past I have sent the girls out of the flat for a day just so I can completely blitz a room clean!

I will admit there have been some health issues that will have affected the way she feels but at the same time she knows that I understand and will never do anything when she doesn't feel up to it! But the point that really gets to me is that a physical relationship should be something that both people want to enjoy equally why is it always me who has to start things! I understand sex drives are different in different people but if that's the car that is all she has to say and she knows that! I would rather hear that from her than the usual answer of 'I want things to be the way they were before as well' and then just not do anything about it! But even though this is an important part of things in my eyes it really is the tip of the iceberg and like I said I wrote a 5 page letter to her she read it and has not talked about anything I raised in it and when I question that she feeds me the same line of I'm sorry I'll answer it soon! Sorry but my belief in her word is at an all time low and it's really starting to become a major issue! I know I should raise that with her but why when I know what the outcome will be ........ Nothing changes!

Maybe I should just accept that part of our relationship has gone

[georgeboy]

Hi Refalex.
Whilst jealousy is a part of what im going through, there is loads more to it. I too believe things arnt as they should be sexually, and whilst i know she does love me i believe there is a spark missing, and a closeness that we used to have that just doesnt seem to be there anymore. Part of the jealousy stems from this, i know she had boyfriends and lovers before me and plenty of sex, which makes me ask myself why marry me, why didnt you marry one of those.
I have also talked about things to try and get us closer on several occasions but she says everything is fine and she doesnt understand what i want from her. This makes it sound like its all in my head but i know there is more to it than that. I would accept that it is me who needs to work at things with her also but a lot of it should come from her but she just cant see it.
To you redalex i would say dont give up. She admits things arent right and she wants them better, she maybe just doesnt know how to do that. There is maybe a different way to aproach it that might help her to change. Its maybe good that we can get some advice from a womens perspective also.