The low down

[Chocobo]

Hello i am new here but i am a long term sufferer, if anyone ever needs support please give me a email! Here is a quick version of my story!

I had a troubled childhood, at the age of 11 my mother put me into foster care (She kept my 4 brothers, her boyfriend didnt want me)
She chose drugs over me, her boyfriend beat me.
In my first foster home i was sexually abused by a local lad, he was 14, it was set up by my foster 'sisters'
I never told anyone, he told everyone i was awful so i thought maybe it was normal...

I then started having sex with men in their 20'3-30s online, meeting up with the on weekends...
I was in and out of foster care for 5 years, at the age of 15 + 3/4 i moved in with a man i met online, who sexually, mentally and physically abused me for 8 months, i fell pregnant and lost the baby.

I moved around a lot until i was 20, met men, had abusive partners, although my relationship with my mother improved...
at 20 i met a man, moved to Surrey to be with him, 7 months into the relationship he sexually abused me in my sleep on various occasions, said it was my fault and i forced him... I didnt report him as the man from when i was 15 got away with it due to lack of evidence... I thought no one would believe me...
Anyway i got away last year (2012) in June, i met my current fiancée and have never been.... well thats the problem.

As a couple we are perfect, even getting married... But i am very depressed, it is an issue i have had for a while, its so bad now i cant leave the house often, i had to give up work, im so down i find it hard to get time to go to the housing benefits office (which is opposite my flat)  and my partner is awful, i have always been the one doing the finances, looking after him ect

During all this i have had 8 miscarriages, i dont feel like a woman due to not ovulating which stresses me out... Im trying to loose weight..

So A LOT has happened.. I have a psychotherapist had one session so lets see if i can cope until next week for the next one!

[Pip]

   You've had a terrible life yet you are managing to be a survivor despite what's happened to you.  Sadly yours isn't the first story I've read of someone being abused while in care and after leaving care.  I hope you know that you're not to blame for the abuse you've suffered.  It's easy for the abuser to blame the person they abuse as it's a control tactic.

Don't give up though over possibly being a mother in the future.  I knew a couple who had been married 16 years before they had their daughter and had been though a number of miscarriages.

I hope the sessions help you.  Don't worry too much about losing weight just yet as the more depressed you are the harder it will be,

[Chocobo]

Thank you Pip, its good to know im not alone, i put so much pressure on myself, we are getting married next May and my weight brings me down big time... I just want to take the edge off then start the steps of having a life i can cope with!