Urgh, another bad day
So it wasn't as bad as some days can get, I was mostly anxiety and depression free, I'm just getting more frustrated. This guy I was friends with as a kid turned up at my house while I was out and talked to my sister saying how he misses hanging out with me and stuff, which is fair enough, but he also says to her (asking her not to say anything to me) that in other news his band needs a lift to the airport but he doesn't want to ask me as we haven't hung out in a long time. Surprise surprise, he wants something from me, I swear this guy only ever pops up when he wants something. Me and him have a complicated past. We were pretty solid friends for years as kids, but I was always made to feel like I was kinda his "sidekick".
Before we ever became friends he actually bullied me along with another kid for quite a while. So while we were friends, he used to behave really NOT like a friend thinking back. He would get all arsey if our group of friends were going somewhere and he didn't want to go but I did, so he would talk me into staying with him and not going out. Then when we were like 15 I started smoking and he would keep insisting on sniffing my hands to see if I'd been smoking and get all angry if I had. I get that he didn't want me to smoke but he was treating me like he was my mum or something. It got to the point where I had to ASK him permission to smoke! A few years went by and our friendship deteriorated and we grew apart. A while after that his dad committed suicide, which must have been awful for him, but it seemed to tip him over the edge into just being plain odd. He became a vegan and got health obsessed. I tried to support him but he just kept inviting me round and having me take his dogs for walks at like 2am and asking me really weird questions while were out about how my life was going. I get that he was pretty damned depressed, but it was like he was FEEDING off me. Eventually he got a girlfriend and changed completely, sadly for the worse. He kept treating this girl like a pet and setting out "rules" for what she could and couldn't do and would tell her off like a child if she broke the rules. He would invite me over to see them and just make me and his girlfriend feel really awkward by offering to "share" her and pantsing her in front of me and stuff. He kept trying to get me and her to share a bed with him and stuff, it was creepy.
Eventually she dumped him and moved away, me and her are on good terms and she's told me a lot about the stuff he did and said about me while they were together which really makes me question what he thought of me. A while back, before he dated this girl, I actually brought a girlfriend I had at the time to his house and he spent the whole time trying to make me look stupid, he still does this now on the rare occasions I see him, even though I'm single, he still tries to make people think he's smarter than me all the time. Not to belittle uneducated people, but I finished uni with a degree 2 years ago, he flunked out before he even got any GCSEs. I know not all people are academics, and that's fine, but what makes me angry is he lies to people and tells them he has a masters degree. He doesn't even have a single GCSE.
The last time I saw him before he showed up today was before his girlfriend left him when he invited me to see his band play. He spent the whole night telling me and his girlfriend off for drinking and taking me with "keeping an eye" on his girlfriend to make sure she doesn't smoke or drink. Well he picked the wrong person to task with that I guess lol, me and her hung out, had some drinks and had a good time. She dumped him shortly after. She actually asked me that evening whether she should break up with him, and I actually had to say yes because I was so shocked at how he treated her. Maybe she was taking my advice when she dumped him, maybe she wasn't, she wouldn't tell me either way.
There was a time before that where me, him, his girlfriend, a guy he's friends with, and some other girls, all went out on a Saturday night. At like 10pm, the girls all wanted to go to a bar, but he and this other guy wanted to go get dinner. I'd already eaten so I went with the girls to the bar and said they could meet us after they were done eating. So it all seemed fine, but they never showed up to the bar, him and this guy had wandered around town talking all night, then when it came time for us all to go home, he had a go at me for "abandoning" him and the other guy. Like I had some obligation to do EXACTLY what they did.
So that's pretty much a complete history of me and this guy. Sorry for the essay.
So what frustrated me today? After he showed up, my parents suggested I make plans with him, because he must be lonely and maybe he's changed. The thing they don't seem to appreciate is that I stopped seeing him for a reason, and once again they're encouraging me to spend time with someone I have little desire to see. Me and his brother are pretty tight friends, but since they don't live together I never see this guy pretty much.
It's like my parents want me to hold on to a past I very much want to get away from. Then tonight my dad, as well intentioned as he was, said I should get up earlier because they don't see me before work. I understand they want to see me, that's fine, but they don't seem to want to accept that I'm nearly 25 and I need to have my own life and make my own decisions and be my own person. Like a few days ago I said I want to take a road trip across America with some savings and they started saying "I don't know, I wouldn't be happy with you doing that alone." and making me doubt myself. I understand they're concerned, but I'm a fully grown adult, shouldn't they support me doing what I want to do?
I think I really need to move out and be independent, but sadly I can't find a job that pays enough for me to do that right now, and I've been single for over 5 years so I can't really find a girl to partner up with and move out.
I think a lot of my problem is that I'm still living with my parents and they, despite being well intentioned, are treating me like a child. I appreciate that I can come to them for advice any time, but it needs to be when I ask for it, not me being stuck living with them and planning my life to please them.
I want to move on and start a new life for myself, not be stuck living in my parent's attic and have them checking up on me all the time, like coming in my room when I'm out and snooping around.
I need to start over and make a new circle of friends, but I'm stuck.
It's getting really frustrating.
