Today's meeting

[captainkeefy]

I've not heard anything from the college yet. The course runs the same day as my therapy so hopefully the other course runs on a different day, if they invite me to the other course, if not then at least I can get in for Autumn. I might go down next week and see if I can get on another course, maybe English and maths.

I definitely need to get my teeth into something to keep the mind active. Keep my mind off Therapy unless I'm there.

[Catbrian]

I do most of my soul searching between therapy sessions.  I think it's good to think things through.  But, even better if it is balanced with other things

Hopefully tomorrow is better for you.  Time for an early night for a change.  I have a wonderful brand new bed!

[captainkeefy]

Yeah, I was doing a lot of soul searching inbetween therapy sessions but then my therapist started cancelling on me. It was horrible waiting four weeks to get things off my chest that I'd dug up. So I stopped doing it.

[Catbrian]

Sure, that would throw anyone off. It's unfortunate that it happened 2 or 3 times.  Understandably, it would make you feel your space was being jeopardised .  He did have good reason, of course, but the damage is till done, IMO. 

I think planning ahead for an Autumn start to college might fit in nicely with your therapy.  By Autumn you will have worked through a number of your own personal issues and be in a better frame of mind to start a Psychology course.  I imagine as you progress through your college, you will definitely research things that are of significant importance in your own MH.  The last thing you want is to become too emotionally involved throughout your studies, if that makes sense; it's best you are more "together" within yourself.  I remember years ago, when I did various counselling courses, the course content were always throwing up personal issues, not just for me, but other's as well.  In the particular bereavement sections of the course, you were not allowed to take part if you had experienced significant loss in the last 12 months.

Talking of getting your teeth into something soon.  Does voluntary work interest you?  Gaining experience with anything like, Youth Projects, homelessness, and even the elderly, are all about providing a service to people, and that will look brilliant on your CV

Hope you're having a good day... maybe a little sunshine to lighten the mood! We had a sunny day in London, it makes a huge difference to my mood

[captainkeefy]

Hi Cat,

I'm already a coach at under 10's football. Which I think looks good, but to be fair it's more about the coaching badges and stuff really.

I'm just filling in an application for a night support worker. Working with autism, learning difficulties and mental health problems such as schizophrenia, Bi Polar and psychosis. The company has therapists working for them. There's an N.V.Q involved but to be honest, I just want the job to pay my bills for now.

[Catbrian]

That all sounds really good.  I can't see that you have much to worry about re your CV.  You evidently have the ability to study.... onwards and upwards!!

[captainkeefy]

I need to do things one step at a time and constructively. Otherwise, I believe I'll end up letting everything come crashing down on me. For a change I'm going to look backward at things I've done instead of forward to things I haven't achieved yet. Finding things I've done that I see as constructive I think will help me on my journey.

[Catbrian]

It's important not to set ourselves up for failure and taking things slowly, one step at a time, is a good position

We are too ready to look at the things we don't achieve.  I have a fridge magnet, "It's not what you achieve in life, it's how you get there"

[captainkeefy]

Yeah, I'm taking things slowly at the moment but my steps are more precise than they have been in the past.

[Catbrian]

That's a nice way of putting it.  I feel pretty much the same at the moment

[captainkeefy]

Another thing I'm doing is not getting myself obsessed with anything, I'm planning things slower.

[Catbrian]

Erm...yes, obsessing is another one!

[captainkeefy]

I re-booked my appointment with the Personality Specialist for next week.

I had C.B.T. Today. I've been doing really well. I scored 0 for depression and 1 for anxiety on my questionnaire. This is by far the lowest I've ever scored and we had a really good talk and he seemed really impressed with some of the things I said, especially "If I'm in a situation where my fear of abandonment is triggered, I can still think logically about what's going on now and deal with the moment logically instead of reacting emotionally." It hits me, I know what it is, I know how it feels. It's like anger is fired followed by depression, there is a few other emotions but the more I experience it the less it bothers me. I can feel it now because my wife's going out for 16 hours tomorrow and I just think to myself 'oh well, it's not her problem to deal with.'

I was speaking to my T today about Schema and how I've spotted
Myself going into these modes and how I've learned to spot them and the emotions that go with them and I have learned of ways to pull myself out of them and back into healthy adult mode.

[Catbrian]

Yes, the more I research BPD, the more control I have.  I may still fly into a mood but most of the time I can see it for what it is.  Rather than bogging me down for days with anger and depression, I've been able to snap myself out of it within hours.

[captainkeefy]

I think it's all about being mindfull and living in the moment. Also keeping our long term objectives in mind, for example 'if I go though a push cycle and push her away she may never return. So my short term emotions could have a negative impact on a long term relationship.'

Ooh, just thought of something I could put it the workshops....brb!