Help me

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Therealme  Posted: Tue Jun 23, 2009 4:11 pm 
 
Hi well I don’t know quiet what to say, my name is Marc, I am 28 years old and people tell me (a friend who is depressed + my ex girlfriend who also suffers) that I am depressed. I have no children and live on my own in a rented 2 bed house.

I have never really understood what depression is and since having a look on various things I guess I am I think I don’t know.

I have recently split with my girlfriend and I am now feeling very low as I never take break ups well, I really thought she was the one, beautiful + extremely intelligent, (a little bit to intelligent and always over thought everything)

I had always lived at home with my parents, and in June 2008 we decided to move in after only getting together in Feb 08 soon I know but it all just felt magical and lovely. I also thought that it was time to move from home, something that had always scared me before. Well at the same time I lost my job, looking back now that should have spelt the end of the living together idea for the time being but no we pressed on.

So there we are living together, myself out of a job putting all the strain onto her, she also had numerous problems herself, well to this day I have no job still.

I don’t know why, I want to have a job but I never make much of an effort, I just can’t get started.

The thing is this has been a pattern for my entire life and it needs to stop.

I have had previous nice girlfriends yet none of them have compared to this one in the slightest yet I went down the same route with them, I would loose my job and have no get up and go to find another one and would sit there, getting bored and fed up.

I have no self confidence at all no belief in my own abilities, I get very anxious if say we went to another city for a night out even just going out in my local town I would get red and sweaty whilst getting ready, its nervous I guess.

I just always thought I was a bit shy but maybe it’s more.

The only thing I had going for me to offer my girlfriend was that I was a nice guy, kind, loving, no problems opening doors or helping people in the street with bags etc, to me that’s just good manners, but the ex said I was co-dependent on her and I only did nice things for others to make myself feel better.


I knew it was going to happen with this one but yet I could not do anything about it and now I have potentially lost the best thing ever to enter my life.

I am very negative and if it’s going to go wrong it will go wrong for me.

I know that I need to change and I realise I have no motivation, get up and go or ummmf but how can I get that, I want a good job I want to have a family and get married but its never going to happen.

I really am useless and keep letting my family and loved ones down.

Even when I do get a job I only ever seem to be able to put in the minimal amount of effort to get it done, why do I do it?

I ache all the time and even when writing this I am crying like a baby.

Why when I lost my job could I not keep the house tidy for when she came back home from work, I could cook I did not mind that, but other things like, cleaning, moving the lawn, dusting etc I could not bring myself to do.

I am sure i'm missing loads more stuff off here.

How can I stop myself from just sitting in front of the TV/net and if I can get help how can I go back to the net, watch films TV and be able to get off them and do constructive things.

I’m rally confused and don’t know what i’m doing, I really hate my live and have had suicidal thought for many years but I could not do it as 1, it would most prob not wok with me doing it and 2, I could not hurt my family like that, I let them down enough.

I don’t really know what my strengths are but I could tell you most of my weaknesses, I know them I’m not daft yet I can’t ever seem to change them or do anything to change them.

I really don’t know what else to say.

Thank you for listening, please help I don’t know what to do.

[Archive]

Ezel  Posted: Tue Jun 23, 2009 9:19 pm 
 
 
What area do you live in?

I don't mind checking out what self help groups are in you area - self help groups are good for support until you can get appropiate help if you need more than they can offer.
 

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Therealme   Posted: Wed Jun 24, 2009 4:03 pm 
 
 
Oh that would be Hereford, Herefordshire.

Thank you.

Marc
 

[Archive]

Ezel   Posted: Wed Jun 24, 2009 10:25 pm 
 
 
Okay, thanks. It's late and I need to be up early tomorrow so will do a longer response then and after I've done some research.

Your have got yourself into one of those cycles where you know what you're doing but need help with changing your way of doing things. I know it's easier said than done but there's always hope, more tomorow after I've done some research  .....
 

[Archive]

Therealme   Posted: Mon Jun 29, 2009 10:04 pm 
 
 

Yes totally

I need a routine for house work, fitness, diet etc.

But also a way for them to make me feel better about myself, I guess if I can get on top of those, that should come naturally.

Need to find a job and believe in myself more.

Do the things I say I am going to do.
 

[Archive]

amy Posted: Tue Jul 21, 2009 9:25 pm 
 
hey marc,

one of the things you said really stood out to me: "The only thing I had going for me to offer my girlfriend was that I was a nice guy, kind, loving, no problems opening doors or helping people in the street with bags etc, to me that’s just good manners, but the ex said I was co-dependent on her and I only did nice things for others to make myself feel better."

as far as I can see, humans are dependent fullstop... we can't survive completely isolated on our own, and we depend on human contact/support/whatever you want to call it. And surely when you're in a relationship, you're bound to be dependent on each other....

maybe there's a part of us that subconsciously does make us do things for people for our own benefit... but I don't think you could call someone who did something like that selfish, otherwise it defeats the label?

you don't sound like a selfish person at all, I go out of my way to help people, and yeah maybe it does make you feel better about yourself as a person, but is there anything wrong with that? maybe the kind of person who would make that judgement about you is someone who is a bit selfish themselves... they can't understand why you'd do something nice for no reason, so they think there must be an ulterior motive?

as you can probably see, a lot of what I say is guessing, but I do think there's some truth in it. I'm no psychoanalyst, but if you do something to help someone, it shows that deep down there's a decent person inside, and I'd much rather the world was full of people like you than people who walk past if someone's stood crying in the street or struggling with their shopping bags.

it does sound to me like you suffer from depression of some kind, but I'm not a GP and that's the only person who can diagnose you and help you. go and have a chat with them, you'll be surprised how understanding they are about it.

I know how you feel about letting people down... I feel that simply by suffering from clinical depression I'm a letdown and 'not normal'. I've taken an overdose myself, and refused to let them tell my dad cos I couldn't bear to hurt him. however, I think both of us would probably find that if people who loved us did know how we felt (and don't forget depression is a genuine illness), they'd be more upset that we didn't tell them and they'd want us to get the best help possible...

I hope this helps, feel free to message me privately if you want to chat more

amy x