Jokes thread

[Amanda_George]

Doctor doctor, my nose is bleeding …

Did you pick your nose?

No, I was born with it


Doctor Doctor, part of me feels like a cat and nobody trusts me anymore …

Yes, you do look like a bit of a cheetah


Doctor doctor, I keep thinking parts of me are invisible …

Yes, you’re definitely not all there


Doctor doctor, I look like a beggar and smell like a fish …

What a poor sole

[Pip]

Returning home from work, Jamie was shocked to find that the house had been ransacked and burglarized.  After telephoning the police, the dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby was the first to respond.  As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, Jamie ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps.  Incredulous, Jamie moaned, "I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do?  They send me a BLIND policeman!"

[Pip]

Mary was having a tough day and had stretched herself out on the couch to do a bit of what she thought to be well deserved complaining and self pitying.  She moaned to her mom and brother, "Nobody loves me the whole world hates me!"

Her brother, busily occupied playing a game, hardly looked up at her and passed on this encouraging word: "That's not true, Mary. Some people don't even know you."

[Amanda_George]

Oh dear!  <groan>

[Amanda_George]

Another groaner!

[stewart]

and you said my ones were bad Amanda :)

[stewart]

ditto

[stewart]

like the last onje Amanda

[Amanda_George]

Are all of the jokes you both find so bad?  I blame my jokes on the internet!  lol

[Amanda_George]

I can't claim credit for any of 'em... found them online!   

[stewart]

Dr says to the invisible man......sorry i cant see you today  

[stewart]

me too

[Amanda_George]

They aren't getting any better, Stewart!   

[Amanda_George]

  lol

[Pip]

A mom was playing "tooth fairy" putting money under her little daughter's pillow when the child awoke and caught her in the act.  The mom froze, wondering how to explain to her tot that she was, in fact, the fairy; but she was spared the trouble.  "You put that money back!" her daughter said indignantly. "The tooth fairy left that for me!"