why?

[insignificant81]

Id rather have every single bone in my body broken & shattered than have to live with this depression. I hate myself...everything about myself & everything in my life. I wonder a lot why God put me on earth for me just to be miserable and go through this....why? Whats the point? Everyone in my life leaves me eventually....ive been with my boyfriend 2 years & cant understand why he wants to be with me. Please please please dont judge me when i say this....but i would consider myself pretty & people tend to comment on how i look. I think my boyfriend is with me just coz im pretty....coz i cant offer him anything else. Ive got very little friends and family...im always down and flat and low...i snap at him. I dont mean to do this....im always on "self destruct" and push people away coz everyone hurts me in the end & dumps me from a massive height...so i guess i push them away before they can do that. I cant cope with this life....i just want to be normal & happy and have people who love me. I hate myself.

[bookletters]

Depression does make you feel and think like that but you will get better and no longer feel like this.
I have said the same things as soon in the past and I am in a much happier place now :)
Are you on medication, CBT etc?

[insignificant81]

Hi...thanks for replying x
im on Venlafaxine 150mg twice a day....previously been on Fluoxetine and Citalopram. Ive seen 2 different counsellors in the past and currently seeing a psychologist, been getting c.b.t for almost a year from him. He's definately helping me to some extent.
Its funny....ive had so many unhappy and unpleasant events in my life and just seemed to get on with things but for some reason these last few years have been horrific. Its amazing how depression can have a knock on effect on your body so that its not only your mind which is affected....its a horrible horrible illness & i would never wish this on anyone! X

[Leo]

I've been with my partner for 6 years and often wonder why he is still here!

Funnily enough, I have had a hard 10 years, this year I would probably say was good nothing eventful has happened yet I've had a major meltdown and have hit rock bottom.

It's a strange and horrible illness.