Like I said I feel like a yo-yo tonight is good im really low and cant stop thinking. I miss everything that made my life feel worth anything, holding my kids seeing them wake up and fall asleep, the loving relationship me and louise had and the way just a hug could take all my pain away. No one will or could ever replace my family or the woman I love. I know what I do with my life is down to me at the end me the day but im confused now, before I signed up to this forum I knew what I wanted and saved up so many pills to do that I even took them all but nothing happened other than internal pains, it would have been better if I did just die and the way I am now I wish I did.
Im 99 percent sure I will try again with more pills, nothing is getting any easier and I dont think it ever will, I have started drinking and I dont do that its not me but it might help as it seems to work for others, they have a hard or bad day and a drink makes it better some how. I get job seekers now and my first payment should be here this week I think I will buy more pills and try again. I cant do christmas without my family and its louise's birthday soon, I have never not got her a card or not told her how much I love her. Why go on to see more pain and hurt, whats the point to my pathetic waste of a life, im a lonely depressed hurting friendless ignorant tw@t that hates life. I lay here on the sofa every night wishing I dont wake up the next day but I do in just as much pain as now sometimes more.
I wish I had a gun I would go out the back door so on one sees me go somewhere quiet send my goodbye text and tell louise where my note was and end it all. Sorry for going on so much im a little drunk and had enough.
Sorry again and thank you for reading.
Junior
