Hi... +-_ welcome... good to meet you too. You don’t need a Doc’s diagnosis to know you’re suffering depression. Searching for ways to deal with it, can hopefully lead to a positive outcome
I think you voice what many others experience. It's so difficult to admit depression. People fear what they don't understand. Subsequently, depression can be the secret illness for many. I've always kept my depression to myself. There are some people, who've known me for years, would never guess what's under this Cat-persona. When things are particularly bad and it's impossible to hide the torment, I retreat deep inside my cave, even pretend to be ill. I'd rather be labeled a hypochondriac than a depressive. %$£
Bullying can emotionally scar people for life. Brushing under the carpet, or pretending not to notice, is just that…. pretending. But, the enormous amount of hurt and self-doubt can be soul-destroying and easily manifest as self-loathing. Binging, as a means of escape, is something many of us do. It's so easy to get caught up in that vicious cycle. Your post sounds like you're putting conscientious effort into occupying some of your time doing things differently. That can't be easy and says a lot about your strength of character.
Hope you find the Forum helpful