Can't cope

[Buttercup]

I too am glad that you have a supportive manager  %^%

[willows]

Just had a phone call asking me to come in on Monday for my psychiatrist appointment instead of Tuesday. Worried about why it has been brought forward. Can only think it is as a result of something I said to the mental health team lady on Wednesday or the  mental health helpline I phoned in the early hours of the morning one night this week as they are all from the same team. It is strange because when I tried to change the Tuesday appointment they didn't have any appointments they said the only available appointments were too far in the future so why have i suddenly been called in Monday. I know I could be over thinking this but I am worried.

[Zaf]

It could be because of some other commitment willows but my mind would be doing the same

Z xx

[Sweetpea]

I to would be thinking the same. But I am sure its just that as Zaf says due to other commitments.  S x x x x

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[Buttercup]

My mind would do the same but I'm guessing that something has come up on Tuesday & so moved appt to Monday. For any other reason I don't think they'd have left you over the weekend.

Xxxxx

[Munchroom]

Oh willows  %^% I'm just catching up on the forum and have read through your journal. So much of it is so familiar. You are doing so incredibly well, even if it doesn't feel like it right now.

I agree with the others about your appointment. Maybe they had made a note that you would like an earlier appointment and then had a cancellation? Buttercup is right, they wouldn't leave it over the weekend i f it was for any other reason.

Xxx

[willows]

Thank you for all your replies. You may be right but I am not so sure.
To be honest the way I am feeling tonight I don't think it matters if it is Monday or Tuesday because I can't see how I am going to get through the weekend. Sitting here alone, crying, my mind is all over the place and I can only see one way to getting any peace from this living hell.

[Munchroom]

Its so hard to believe right now I know, but it can get better willows. The pshyciatrist can prescribe medication that your GP can't... Whether it be something that you can take every night to get you off to sleep or a different anti depressant which may do the trick. This time next week things might feel completley different - I appreciate that a week may aswell be a lifetime, but you have kept battiling this for so long, its only a few more days and you have all of us here to help support you and fight this horrible illness together  :vik:

[willows]

I need to leave the house now if I am going to get to work on time but I have the same feelings as Wednesday and don't think I can make it. Manager not in today so no one to call for support. If I don't go I have already started thinking about how it will my biggest failure ever and I fear what I will do to myself if I stay at home but I can't face falling apart at work which is what I know is going to happen. 

[Munchroom]

Did you manage it willows?

It is not a huge failure, its not even a failure! Its in a way quite brave.... Its going 'I can't cope with this today and I need to look after myself'

Thinking of you xx

[willows]

Have made it in to work but cried all the way here. Want to hide away from everyone. Can't cope with speaking to anyone. Shouldn't have come in.

[Munchroom]

 %^% how long is your shift? xx

[willows]

10 hour shift today. Finish as 6pm.

[Munchroom]

Ah  would they let you go home? Surely they must be able to see that you are not up to working today? xx

[willows]

Made it trough the day. Cried in front of too many people, didn't achieve much, tired, stressed, useless, hopeless and it all starts again tomorrow morning for another early shift. Don't know if I have the strength to put myself through it all again.