I have to be really honest Buttercup, I was terribly open about my suicide and didn't see the shock of it that others did. So when I was discussing this with the gp she didn't hesitate in mentioning the hospital...I either went voluntarily or I would be forced...that was the option.
I was terrified of that, it was a real shock to me and it was such a horrible idea. More so that the option of suicide would be removed from me. But it was a stay that was so surprisingly relaxing, it was pleasant, quiet and it gave me time to just stop. My brain could shut down and I could just stop.
And that for me was the greatest feeling in the world. I was on a hunger strike because I was still in a complete state, and, I think it was because it was the only 'choice' I could make there in regards to my existence.
So if it was mentioned to me again, I wouldn't view it with the same fear I did last year.....it would just be heartbreaking because everyone things that I am 'better'.
Do you know what Buttercup? This has been really good talking to you :)