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Author Topic: Still here, been lurking.  (Read 3187 times)

Micky

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Still here, been lurking.
« on: May 28, 2012, 09:51:58 AM »
So many people here with problems much worse than mine plus I keep thinking I'm getting better and then another period of despair kicks in. I can't shake this feeling that I should pack it all in when I get to 50. If I'm still alone then, then I don't want to carry on. My outside doesn't match my inside anymore. It's not vanity, it's more like being trapped in a decaying shell. I've wasted so much of life with depression, low self esteem etc that I can't bear to think about it.

I'm off to a music festival in a couple of weeks that I booked before the depression kicked in. I know I'll be fine once I get there but I'm dreading afterwards because I know I'll get really down again. I always do when I go visiting friends etc. I would have not bothered but I paid a lot of money for the tickets so I have to go.

And I'm still drinking too much.

Just realised I should have posted this in journals. Oops!
« Last Edit: May 28, 2012, 10:14:49 AM by Micky »
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Zaf

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Re: Still here, been lurking.
« Reply #1 on: May 28, 2012, 10:29:55 AM »
your drinking wont help the depression, as an ex near alcoholic I know that to my cost :(
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Micky

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Re: Still here, been lurking.
« Reply #2 on: May 28, 2012, 10:33:27 AM »
I know Zaf but it's all I have to come home too.
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Zaf

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Re: Still here, been lurking.
« Reply #3 on: May 28, 2012, 10:35:27 AM »
its not easy to give up, especially when you are lonely but Ive since realised it didnt help and the two occasions I broke my promise to stop I knew it wasnt the solution.

Z x
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Micky

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Re: Still here, been lurking.
« Reply #4 on: May 28, 2012, 10:45:06 AM »
Rationally I know all of this but I still keep doing it. I have had the odd night off from alcohol and it wasn't too bad but to stop altogether is a scary thought. Like I said, for now it's all I have.
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Zaf

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Re: Still here, been lurking.
« Reply #5 on: May 28, 2012, 10:46:28 AM »
do you mind if I ask how much you drink in the evening?
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Micky

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Re: Still here, been lurking.
« Reply #6 on: May 28, 2012, 10:51:07 AM »
Maybe a bottle and a half of wine or three or four bottles of beer/cider. I always drink lots of water during the day to flush my kidneys.

It's not helping my bank balance or weight either : (
« Last Edit: May 28, 2012, 10:52:53 AM by Micky »
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Zaf

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Re: Still here, been lurking.
« Reply #7 on: May 28, 2012, 11:00:00 AM »
Personally I'd say try to cut down first, perhaps cut out the half bottle of win?
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Micky

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Re: Still here, been lurking.
« Reply #8 on: May 28, 2012, 11:04:03 AM »
Haha! yeah I say that when I start the first bottle and then by the end of the first bottle, my resolve has gone. But yes I will try to cut down. I enjoy the drunk feeling I get. It's like a warm hug. I tend to drink quite fast to get to that point and then slow down till bedtime.
« Last Edit: May 28, 2012, 11:05:40 AM by Micky »
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Zaf

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Re: Still here, been lurking.
« Reply #9 on: May 28, 2012, 11:10:09 AM »
Ive been there too so I know exactly how you feel, try getting in just enough for one night at a time, I found it helped, the more I had in the house the more I would drink

Z x
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Micky

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Re: Still here, been lurking.
« Reply #10 on: May 28, 2012, 11:13:29 AM »
The daft thing is my sister is an alcoholic so I know the pitfalls. Luckily I don't have an addictive personality. When I'm ready to give up I can quite easily.

I've just had my medication doubled so maybe I'll be a bit better soon and can stop the drinking.
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Zaf

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Re: Still here, been lurking.
« Reply #11 on: May 28, 2012, 11:15:09 AM »
it might help, but I was still drinking while on a high dose

Z x
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Micky

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Re: Still here, been lurking.
« Reply #12 on: May 28, 2012, 11:21:04 AM »
Oh well  :-\

I'll try and think twice if I really need a drink each evening. Some evenings are better than others, mood wise.
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Zaf

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Re: Still here, been lurking.
« Reply #13 on: May 28, 2012, 11:23:18 AM »
its worth doing it if you can,  as you say - the weight and the bank balance suffer drinking a lot
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Beetzart

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Re: Still here, been lurking.
« Reply #14 on: May 28, 2012, 01:27:50 PM »
I can relate to what you are both saying concerning drink.  I've had various problems with it, mainly self-medicating and the thought of having a drink used to get me through a work day.  I mainly drank cider and vodka, sometimes together.  Although I have curtailed it somewhat recently.
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