Mornings are So Bad

[Dookie]

I have suffered with depression in the past but thought it was all behind me. Then I recently split with someone I really cared for, who I thought was the love of my life and WHAM, it has hit me like a demolition wrecking ball.

The mornings are so bad ... I hate waking up, I feel distraught that I wake up at all. I cry for half the day but seem to develop some resistance to it as the day goes on and feel almost ok by the late evening.

I am not back on anti depressants and really don't want to go down that route again. I found they damped me down totally. I am a creative person and hate to feel damped down like that. So I don't know what to do. I have a telephone consultation with my doctor in a couple of hours and have no idea how I will cope with that. He is lovely and understanding but I really don't want to go back on anti depressants. I have tried counselling in the past and it just irritates me beyond words.

I can't get a job, have no money, can barely afford to eat and can't afford fuel to heat my home. I am freezing cold. I spend a lot of time in bed just trying to stay warm.

I want to curl up and die, basically. I would never kill myself but if I went to sleep and never woke up that would be just fine by me.

Friends who I have helped in the past are now avoiding me or telling me 'time heals' or 'cheer up'. Neither are helpful. The first is just plain wrong and the second beggars belief that anyone can say such stuff.

Sorry for whinging, and hope I haven't bored anyone to death ... I just feel like I can't cope.

[KateG]

Thinking of you Dookie, I find mornings are worst too 

[Dookie]

Thank you Kate, I really appreciate that someone actually read my whinging and cared enough to reply.

I don't want to go back on anti depressants ... but what else is there? Counselling just didn't work for me, it irritated me beyond belief.

[Beetzart]

So sorry to read about what you are going through, Dookie.  My heart and best wishes go out to you.  I hope your doctor can suggest something that will help but that might inevitabley invovle medication.  I have been taking meds for over 15 years as I struggled to find ones that worked and now take venlafaxine and mirtazapine albeit at low doses, but I am very low at the moment still. 

It is a particularly cruel disease in that others can't physically see what is wrong with you at times, hence the nasty comments, or the patronizing ones thinking they are helpful.  All I ask of close family is just to understand, I don't expect anymore.

You've come to a great forum though with lovely people. :)

 &*( &*(

[Zaf]

The mornings are worse for me too.  Perhaps you could ask your GP if there is an alternative type of antidepressant you could take that dont shut you down, the one I'm on atm doesnt have that effect.

Z xx

[Sweetpea]

Think its common to feel worse in the morning, I certainly do.   &*(.


S x x

[CharleysAngel']

I'm sorry Dookie

I hate the mornings too, and I know exactly what you mean about going to sleep and never waking up. I'm not suicidal and know that I would never commit suicide but if I was to go to sleep and not wake up that would be fine.

I'm thinking of you and I hope your consultation with your doctor went ok xxx

[mrmoody]

Hello there dookie, snap! I am going through something very similar to you,broke with ex last Nov.,back on anti-depressanst even though I dont want to be  and most of all waking up early,feeling terrible and mornings are definetely the worst!! I can totally emapthise with you and your situation and by all means PM me if your going through a hard time as we can help each other out I think

[mamalou]

HI there.

Don't apologise for whinging - it's good to have a vent ! ( I usually apologise every time I write on here too btw !)

Your comment about finding conselling irritating is something I agree with. I thought it was just me being a bit*h !!!  A while ago I saw a counsellor and he was a really nice man but I just wanted to scream for the entire session so I ended up not going !!! I went back to my GP and told him that the counsellor was too nice !! And I just wanted to shout at him ! Sadly, things are alot worse now but I have just started something called Schema Therapy offered through AMHT which suits me and my situation much better.

I also have a close friend who regualrly tells me that I'm not depressed and that I am strong ! How wrong she is - but actually it's because she can't cope with 'me being unwell. What's ridiculous is that I have the crisis support team in to see me each day and on the phone 24 hours - and she thinks I'm not ill ???!

Hope things start to improve soon for you.

Best Wishes
Mamalou x

[mrmoody]

I can totally relate to your post having read it again, it could be me writing myself. Just want you to know your not alone Dookie

[Ohdaddy]

Why are mornings the worse time of day? - is it the medication or is it an hormonal thing?  I have never been good in the mornings and are much more of a night owl. If I was allowed to, I would be up until the early hours on the morning and then not wake until the middle of the morning. But I have to get up, make the tea and then shower before taking daughter to school. At least that is the one good thing about not working at the moment - when I was teaching the stress used to start from the time the alarm clock went.

Other people - I've learnt to smile on the outside most of the time. I don't think most people who have not suffered depression know either how you feel or really understand it is an illness; that you don't have to be depressed about anything in particular (although I find the 'something' is the trigger to send me into the depths of despair "£").

Personally, I'm still waiting for the medication to start to work as I'm sure I feel worse now than when I started taking it.


Ohdaddy

[Beetzart]

Hi Ohdaddy

I think it is to do with levels of the hormone cortisol, that is normally more prevalent in the mornings in your bloodstream.  Or something like that.  I'm like you though, I would rather stay up late as I somehow function better then.

[Sweetpea]

Its quite normal to feel worse before you start to see a difference when you start meds.  Just hang in there  &*(.

S x x

[Ohdaddy]

Thanks for the encouragment.   My wife thinks I have an easy time being at home all day when she is at work but actually I feel bored and frustrated and cannot rid my head of negativity and anxiety.  I would rather be doing something else to take my mind off it. House work and DIY does not quite work for me.

I try to go for a walk every day - at least the sun is shining and the recent rain is making things grow.

 :)