Angelina,
I know exactly how I was feeling. My ex left me, I lost my freinds and respect, and my career was going down the pan. I had to move back home with my parents, away from the place where I had started my new life, were things had been good. I ended up extremly depressed, I would go days without speaking to anyone, I spent much of my time in bed. Sometimes I'd drink whiskey, lots of it, and just lie in my bed getting extremely drunk. I was very suicidal, and spent much time thinking about suicide. I would read stories about others with depression and I felt different. I felt worse I had nothing, nobody, and I had lost evering thing. My life seemed like a string of failures and loss.
Without a doubt, it was the most painful and mentally excruciating time of my life. What I can say for sure, is that I am glad that I didn't kill myself, I'm glad that I didn't do any of the things I was planning to do when I wanted to end my life.
Things may seem so impossible to you right now. You have lost all hope and you feel as though everything you had is gone. You cannot see any future. I do promise you that your current perceptions can change, as unlikely as it may seem to you right now. With time you can get throught his awful ordeal.
The plan for Monday shoud be to ring the health team and stress that it is very important that you need to be seen sooner rather than later.
Please hold on. Things are still very raw at the moment, but things will heal for you, the pain will decrease and you do have a future. Suicide is a permanant solution to a temporary problem. You do have ways forward that doesn't involve suicide.
Steve XXX
