Could really do with some advice?

[Holykimura]

I have had a crash again and it has been triggered by issues at work. To cut a long story short I have been reasonably stable at work up until a colleague of mine returned to work from maternity leave.

In the past my line manager at that time was making comments about the pupils, undermining my decisions, making comments that could be deemed as racist ( an example was when he went to PC world to by a laptop he told me he was served by some one of the surname Patel) and other ignorant comments about how if I wasn't working in the school I would probably be in a corner shop or something to that effect 

I complained to the then race and equality person about the comments he was making to me, and another person in the dept, I was told to grow thicker skin.

Any way the colleague that has just returned back from maternity leave, she also had issues with this said person making reference to her chest area and comparing it to a wall. She took it to the head teacher and from what she has told me she was made to feel like she was in the wrong?

Anyway I put things that happened with the "bully" and was getting on with things. Then the colleague who had sexist comments about her decided that she was going to set up her stuff in a shared staff room ( hope I'm making sense) where I and the bully and another member of the dept sits.

The problem is that all she wants to talk about is how he treated her and what was said and before I know it I'm in bitching conversation about him with her. I have taken a week off work and this week is half term so I don't need to go in to work. However I'm contemplating going back on Monday of next week because I feel useless at being at home alone. My OH has said to take as long as I need, but I remember being off sick befor for along time and it took me ages to feel as confident as I had been a few weeks ago.

There is also other issues at work which some of you might find surprising? I am teaching a couple of challenging groups who need to finish coursework by May. I have asked for support and was verbally told by new line manager and person in charge of exams in a round about way do the work for them if they can't manage! I have sent emails to her stating that I can't do the work for them and that I need further support, I have not received a reply or been approached to say how about trying this or that.

My question is what should I do???

[Buttercup]

I'm in teaching as well, when I first started I was completely naive about the amount of bullying that goes on amongst the adults in the teaching profession.  The worst bit being that teachers are very reluctant to speak out about it because of the massive implications it can have on your career. I recently ended up in a job where I was bullied, along with other members of staff, this resulted in 3 teachers being signed of with stress, I ended up resigning as there was no way I could go back. It was a hard decision and I do have some regrets. The thing is that none of us are in a position to speak out and our absences were all explained away with a collection of lies.

I think you have a very difficult decision, the right thing, as it was in my case as well is to speak out but in reality I couldn't do it and it's a very difficult thing to do in teaching

[KateG]

Holykimura do you have a union representative you can contact? The situation you're being placed in is awful

 &*(

[Zaf]

That sounds awful Holykimura, can you get advice from a union perhaps?

[Holykimura]

Hi thanks for your replies, I have spoken to the union in the past and not found them to be much help. They have suggested I hand in my resignation and they could negotiate a compromise agreement. The trouble here is I may get a few months worth of salary but then I'll find myself in a difficult situation and the pressure of finding a new job. I'll only have references from where I currently work as I have worked there since 2003. The head is known to give bad references to those who want to leave 

I feel trapped with no where to turn too, my OH is struggling to cope with the demands I place on her ( my ups and downs, her own job, the children)

Part of me wants to go back and not be beaten by these ignorant &$%+s, the other half of me thinks going back might just push me right over the edge :/

[Buttercup]

Same here, unions weren't a lot of help, I felt so trapped but got to the point health wise where I couldn't go back anymore. I understand the stress on family, I was putting so much pressure on my other half. I really felt trapped. I ended up handing in my notice eventhough it left me in a really difficult position career wise. At the moment I can't even think about applying for a new job I was hurt so much by the events that happened. 

I really feel for you, things that go on in teaching are awful and the feeling of being trapped in a no win situation is unbearable.

Buttercup

[KateG]

Holykimura, your union is giving you bad advice. If you resign first you can't then get a compromise agreement, it has to be all in one. Once you resign, your only option is a constructive dismissal claim, which will be really stressful.

I'm going through similar to you and Buttercup, I'm scared that if I just give up and quit then I'll have no reference and no income, but the longer I fight, the more ill I get and then I won't be able to work anyway. Buttercup is right, these situations are no win.

&*( to you both

[Buttercup]

I did get a comprise agreement which included a reference, since my teaching ability wasn't in question. But I did leave it a bit late health wise. Find it really difficult to do supply work because of anxiety, GP has advised that I shouldn't work at the moment. So take care Holykimura and Kate, for you both  &*(

[Holykimura]

Thanks to both of you, I'm trying to stay focussed on all that is positive in my life, it's distraction from worrying about other negative things that spring to mind.

[Holykimura]

Thanks it feels good to know that you had similar experiences with your union. It's a difficult situation I'm in but I am trying to stay as positive as possible, career wise the prospects look bleak, so I think I have no option but to go back. I have the crisis team visiting 2moro I'll have a chat with them and take it from there. Also I'm going to contact CAB to see where I stand from a legal point of view. 

[Buttercup]

Hope it goes ok tomorrow  &*(

[Holykimura]

Hope it goes ok tomorrow  &*(

Thanks   :)

[KateG]

How did it go with the crisis team Holykimura? Did you contact CAB too?

[Jae]

The head is known to give bad references to those who want to leave  

just to add to the advice already given on here, I've only ever worked in private industry so I don't know too much about the teaching profession, but anyway I used to work in Human Resources and I know that you are not actually allowed to give someone a bad reference.  It was some time ago that I worked in HR now, so I'm a bit sketchy about it all but it might be worth you finding out what to do about it if you find that is what happens (if it comes to you leaving your job, that is).  I seem to remember that you can take it to ACAS or something, but again, that was really some while back now (and I don't even know if it exists any more, there have been so many changes), but at least it's something worth remembering that a previous employer cannot .. or should not .. actually do that (if they are writing a reference, even if you weren't particularly good at your job,  they still have to write it in a positive way and pick out a persons strengths .. I know because I used to have to write them!)

[Jae]

it's something worth remembering that a previous employer cannot .. or should not .. actually do that (if they are writing a reference, even if you weren't particularly good at your job,  they still have to write it in a positive way and pick out a persons strengths .. I know because I used to have to write them!)

I've just done a quick google to check that, and I think that might have been specific to the company I worked for, because even though they may not have been up to the job in that company we still wanted them to be able to get another job, so we always gave good references.  I think the legal standpoint is that they have to give a true representation, i.e. if you have actually worked to a satisfactory or high standard, they can't then say you weren't doing your job properly .. if they did that, then if you took them to court they would have to prove that they advised you in performance reviews that you weren't doing your job properly, and that would have to have been recorded.  I think the head would be foolish to give a false bad references because there is always the chance he could be taken to court over it.