had enough !!!!

[tharidler]

hi everyone
i'm sorry as this is going to be a little of a selfish rant.i really have just about come to the end of my tether i have on and off struggled maybe back as far as twenty years with depression and in the last ten years it has got worse i have been lucky enough to be blessed with a loving and understanding girlfriend now wife and two lovely children and i have recieved treatment in the form of cbt and group and one on one therapy and medication and i did all this out of a desire to be well again but i'm still waiting to be well and i know some of you will say it takes time and you may never be 100% again and i understand that but i have had enough of feeling this way i have spent nearly thirty years of my life thinking and worrying about death (eventhough i often have strong suicidal thoughts) i worked on these issues but they are still here i still get tearfull and cannot cope with every day life once again all this was worked through and i did all the homework and paid attention but here it still is i go through patches of feelling nothing for my wife and children why?i love them yet on another day do i really know what love is am i capable of it i struggle to sleep at night and i am always tired mentally and physically even when i sleep well i try to pray sometimes but often halfway through i think what was i doing as my mind has gone somewhere else i zone out of conversations without knowing i'm doing it thats all i can think of now and i know a lot of you also find it hard at times to write these posts so i will stop listing reasons to say i have had a gutfull i function but have no life and i am tired as i write this i start to cry and think whats the point because really what is the bloody point of being stuck in a f***ing horrible holding pattern and never changing despite my best efforts so i ask is this all i have left to look forward to the rest of my days feeling like this because if this is all i have then i'm not sure i want it anymore sorry for the rant

[Zaf]

Do you get no respite in between upisodes of depression?


This is the place to have a rant, we all know how destructive this illness is

xx

[tharidler]

hello zaf
i do have periods of respite although it seems as it's a lessening of intensity and not a day off if that makes sense i can sometimes go for a few days at a lesser level and feel quite good by comparison but it never seems to last and i just do not know what to try anymore which is why i feel so despondant today

[Zaf]

Yes I do know what you mean and I'm not surprised its making you feel so very bad

It it worth considering going back to your GP  and telling him/her how you feel?  Even take a copy of your post if you think it might be difficult to put it into words at your appointment

Z xx

[Hungry Hippo]

Hi Tharidler, i am new on here, i know exactaly how u feel, i don't really know what 2 say 2 help u, just wanted 2 let u know u r not alone. Stay strong. &*(

[tharidler]

hi zaf
i am currently considering going back to see my gp to maybe talk about things and see if there is any further help they can give me although i must admit i am not hopefull and thankyou hungry hippo for your kind words

[Sweetpea]

I think going back to your gp and telling him/her how you are feeling.

Take care

S x

[Glen53]

I agree. The temptation is to think "whats the point? they dont understand what im going through anyway" and not bother talking to the doc, at least thats how i feel. However, looking back over the last few times Ive been back, it has provided me with the support and tools to be able to fight the disease with more success. Better meds, bringing appointments forwards and getting more councilling.

We are always here when you need to rant. Its what the forum is for. 

[Holykimura]

hi everyone
i'm sorry as this is going to be a little of a selfish rant.i really have just about come to the end of my tether i have on and off struggled maybe back as far as twenty years with depression and in the last ten years it has got worse i have been lucky enough to be blessed with a loving and understanding girlfriend now wife and two lovely children and i have recieved treatment in the form of cbt and group and one on one therapy and medication and i did all this out of a desire to be well again but i'm still waiting to be well and i know some of you will say it takes time and you may never be 100% again and i understand that but i have had enough of feeling this way i have spent nearly thirty years of my life thinking and worrying about death (eventhough i often have strong suicidal thoughts) i worked on these issues but they are still here i still get tearfull and cannot cope with every day life once again all this was worked through and i did all the homework and paid attention but here it still is i go through patches of feelling nothing for my wife and children why?i love them yet on another day do i really know what love is am i capable of it i struggle to sleep at night and i am always tired mentally and physically even when i sleep well i try to pray sometimes but often halfway through i think what was i doing as my mind has gone somewhere else i zone out of conversations without knowing i'm doing it thats all i can think of now and i know a lot of you also find it hard at times to write these posts so i will stop listing reasons to say i have had a gutfull i function but have no life and i am tired as i write this i start to cry and think whats the point because really what is the bloody point of being stuck in a f***ing horrible holding pattern and never changing despite my best efforts so i ask is this all i have left to look forward to the rest of my days feeling like this because if this is all i have then i'm not sure i want it anymore sorry for the rant

You sound just like me and as selfish as this may sound I'm glad to read others feel exactly how I feel, no offence intended.

[Pete]

Bloody Hell did I write that?

Ditto!!! To the effing letter!!!

I really want to just tell the whole world to F**# off and stick it all right up there arsae!!!

Sometimes, most times I just wanna be alone like a hermit and walk away from it all. I don't want it, I don't like it, shove it riiiigggghhht up!!

Other times I so want to be well and do right by my wife and kids. That's why I started this journey but I don't know how long I can carry on, I can't battle it like this for years, I would rather give up and just drink again and get on with it how it was. I need faster resultsa I fEel.

[Ezel]

You sound just like me and as selfish as this may sound I'm glad to read others feel exactly how I feel, no offence intended.

Definitely no offence taken here and being glad to know others feel the same is something I don't see as selfish, I look at it as empathy and feeling normal.

[tharidler]

hello everyone
thankyou for your replies i am certainly going back to the gp to see if they can help it is always heartening to see that are people saying they understand at the same time sad that so many of us are going through it and i never take offence i'm just happy people take the time to read my posts

[emmietaylor]

Awww sorry you feel this way. My advice to speak to your gp about alternative treatment have you tried exercise therapy, talking to someone about how you feel, medication and dietary? its your best way round this i hope you feel beter son