Does anyone else feel like this :-( ??

[Flea]

This is me:

Wake feeling very anxious, tearful and panicky.  Don't want to get up as I feel 'safe' in bed.
When I get up and I'm doing something, I feel marginally better.
Hypersensitive, take everything personally, feel immediately angry and upset if I feel someone has 'wronged' me, even though it might be something that is so trivial to someone else.
Loss of interest in my hobby, which I used to love - I have a beautiful horse, who is very talented, but I just don't want to do it anymore; but if I sell him, I'm scared it's because of my depression, and not because I genuinely want to give up my hobby.  In some ways, it's good that I have him, because he relies on me, so I have to get up in the morning.
Hardly ever go out socially - would rather stay in.  I often feel my depression relates to being lonely, but not socialising just makes this worse!
My house is a mess - I don't feel any pride or inclination to keep it neat and tidy.
I don't make the effort to look good for work - I used to always look presentable; now it is just too much effort.
General loss of confidence, even though I have achieved great things in the past in my job (Colleague of the Year) and with my horses (National Championships).
Every now and again, feeling that it would be much easier if I just didn't wake up in the morning.  

Can anyone relate?  Especially regarding the hobby issue - it's bothering me quite a bit, as horses have been my life and I feel my depression is robbing me of something very important to me.

Thanks.....

[girlwithtwohearts]

Hi!  I have exactly those symptoms.  Thanks also for your message to me.
You are braver - as you are still going into work. I guess it was work stress that caused me to become depressed, so that is why I cannot go to work at the moment - but I still admire you for carrying on.

I can totally empathise with the 'bed feels safe' bit and also my house is a mess too. I don't have the energy to sort things out that normally are straightforward.

There seem to be a lot of us with similar symptoms - it is so frustrating that the medical profession don't have a 'cure' yet for this damned illness.

Speak soon ,  love,  K.

[Flea]

Is there really only two of us who feel this way?  Is it odd, or wrong?  :-(

[littlebeing]

Hi

I also feel like that. I hate having to get up and face the world. I have just been signed off work for a short while until my anti depressants start to have an effect. I have no self pride in my appearance anymore or confidence in myself. I see that worst all the time. I was constantly crying all the time but not so much now. To begin with I thought this would be better but its not. I do not feel many emotions now and that makes me look for ways to make myself feel something and a lot of the time I find myself thinking about hurting myself, which scares me.

I also have a horse and have always competed showjumping but now it takes a lot to persuade myself just to go outside and feed him, turnout and muck out the stable. That is the worst feeling of all. My passion for horses has been affected and then I feel guilty when I see my horse as he is bored and unfit at the moment and its my fault. Sometimes I think he would be better if I sold him but that would break my heart and I would feel a million times worse.

[Lil Miss Lost]

That sounds so much like me Amaretto, and im pretty sure its the depression not making you want to continue with your hobby! I had a horse who was put to sleep, thats when my depression started since then i havent had much to do with horses, im still depressed but we have a few chickens at work and it really brightens my day talking to them and watching them! I have thought about getting a horse again and the idea makes me happy but as you say mornings are hard, but good that you feel a bit better once you are up and about.

I dont really socialise much anymore either, gets quite lonely but dont feel as lonely when im around the animals, could you find someone who maybe wanted to spend time with horses who could turn him out for you once in a while and give you a bit of a break. Just wanted to say you arent alone, have you been to your doctor about how you are feeling, im going tomorrow as the symptoms we are having... well we shouldnt be having them, other people enjoy life so iv got my fingers crossed we will feel better again and enjoy the things that used to matter so much! :) xx

[Flea]

That sounds so much like me Amaretto, and im pretty sure its the depression not making you want to continue with your hobby! I had a horse who was put to sleep, thats when my depression started since then i havent had much to do with horses, im still depressed but we have a few chickens at work and it really brightens my day talking to them and watching them! I have thought about getting a horse again and the idea makes me happy but as you say mornings are hard, but good that you feel a bit better once you are up and about.

I dont really socialise much anymore either, gets quite lonely but dont feel as lonely when im around the animals, could you find someone who maybe wanted to spend time with horses who could turn him out for you once in a while and give you a bit of a break. Just wanted to say you arent alone, have you been to your doctor about how you are feeling, im going tomorrow as the symptoms we are having... well we shouldnt be having them, other people enjoy life so iv got my fingers crossed we will feel better again and enjoy the things that used to matter so much! :) xx

Hi LML,
My depression was triggered by the death of my horse in September 2008, so I understand how you feel.  It was the straw that broke the camel's back...I got him shortly after losing my Mum to a long illness, and he helped me through it, as I had a focus.  Then I lost my an Uncle, my Gran, and my Auntie to lung cancer, before Felix had to be put to sleep.  That just finished me off.  I got my new horse in 2009 and I have really struggled to feel motivated, because I am poorly.  He is on livery, so I have help with looking after him.  On the odd occasion I feel lit up and really excited about him, as he is so talented and will be capable of being an an amazing competion horse - I always loved competing, training and gaining the trust of my horses, but now it seems such a struggle.  He's happy though - he's well looked after and doesn't care that I am this way....but I really want my old self back, the one that used to enjoy life....WHERE IS SHE??!!
A 

[Lil Miss Lost]

I know exactly what you mean, im sure i used to enjoy life once upon a time and it does seem like such a struggle nowadays, my horse was put to sleep in 2001 and in 2002 i had my daughter, was still struggling with losing my horse and being on my own with my daughter so i got post natal depression too, have been up and down since then really, went back to doctor today and im on medication for 18 months now, i just hope it works because like you, i just want the old me back!

You have been through such alot and alot of it has happened recently so you are bound to be feeling dreadful, just hope you start feeling better soon because its no fun! Cant really offer any advice on how to get better coz i still dont know myself, if i learn it along the way i will be sure to share! But if you ever need to talk with someone who knows how it feels im not bad at that. All i know is i have needed medication for a long while and should have gone on it sooner, have tried fixing myself by thinking positively and being calm which helps to some extent but theres still that feeling of knowing you just arent right and i definetly need help in feeling better, heres to hoping life will once again be enjoyable :)   

[daithi]

It is certainly not just you.

I used to be actively involved with a lot of things, but when the depression took hold I simply couldn't summon up the energy or the interest to do them any more, and I gradually stopped doing just about everything except work and the absolute essentials.  I am lucky, I suppose, that I do still work, but I don't do much else.