Hi I am new and would like to share

[Frick85]

Had a bad night last night where I was crying until the early hours and had more serious suicidal thoughts. I'm single, alone, see my friends less and less (and now they are all couples) whose company I enjoy nowhere near as much as I used to, I am so much more awkward in social situations than I used to be which I hate, I can't find any sort of job/career that interests me, all the things I used to enjoy like going to football matches now aren't even that fun, I have had to move back to my parents house at the age of 26 because of my money/job situation and I just don't see the point in doing ANYTHING any more.

I mean, seriously, why bother? Everything is just a constant struggle and nobody really knows me at all. I get invited to gatherings and stuff and all I can think is why do they want me there? I offer nothing to them. I really don't get it and I don't enjoy going out any more. I'm quite introverted and shy which doesn't help but basically I know I'm a decent guy, well-educated, but I just don't want this constant fight on my hands any more. I say yes to weddings and stag parties but dread the thought of going because I have to be seen to be the guy who's happy and laughing and making jokes when actually I'm dying inside.

Anyone going through anything similar I'd love to hear back from you. Knowing I'm not alone would help.

Thank you.

[Glen53]

You are not alone there.

Im the ward 'joker' at work more often than not. There are those who change the way they are around me very quickly when I have an off day and go quiet. I can get comments like 'why are you so miserable today?' and 'whats wrong with you, no jokes?'. That said there are also others who care and rally round to make sure im ok. Im not even that morose I just go quiet, but others expect the 'show'

I think with depression there will always be those who dont / cant understand us and they will be in greater numbers than those who do. Its something I have come to accept. I have one or two good friends and dont have much of a social life, but people seem surprised as Im always the one making everone laugh. Again, it doesnt bother me much as I have accepted that hanging out with others can be what is expected of us rather than what we truly want. When looking at it that way, Im rather happy to have a quiet social life  :) As long as i can talk to my friends every week and find out how they are doing then Im ok.

It sounds as if you expect too much of yourself. If you feel low then thats how you feel. Do you have one or two friends who seem more accepting of your condition? If so i would try to spend more time with them than with those who make you feel this way. Also, do you speak to a councilor at all? I find that speaking to mine once a month really helps to balance out how I feel.

I hope you some of what i have written makes sense and comforts you in some small way.

[Zaf]

Hi Frick, please do go see your GP if you possibly can as you may well be suffering from depression

[Ezel]

 .>, I went through a few years feeling like you do then I chose a change of employment which helped a bit then I met my husband.  Much has happened over the years and I was eventually diagnosed with severe depression.  I have learnt to live with it and I have good support.

[Sweetpea]

You are not alone, I think alot of us have this facade going.  I seem to be ok to everyone (except my family as they know me well) Others ask how are you and I say fine thanx when inside I am screaming No I am not.  Its not an easy thing to admit to people, I know i don't find it easy, depression is not something you can see.

We all understand here.

S x

[Frick85]

Thank you for your comments, they are comforting and I do appreciate them.

Frankly, I'm too ashamed to admit what I'm going through to family or friends. There's very much a 'stiff upper lip and bottle your feelings' culture around them. Sometimes I think I can get through it and that I will eventually snap out of it and other times I think there's no way out.

Again, thanks for your comments.

[Glen53]

Talking to someone can help a lot, even if its just one trusted friend you confide in. If you dont trust a friend enough, then counciling is worth thinking about.

I do agree with Zaf, if you can speak to your GP about how you feel. Its all confidential and stays between you and them 

[Rycing]

Had a bad night last night where I was crying until the early hours and had more serious suicidal thoughts. I'm single, alone, see my friends less and less (and now they are all couples) whose company I enjoy nowhere near as much as I used to, I am so much more awkward in social situations than I used to be which I hate, I can't find any sort of job/career that interests me, all the things I used to enjoy like going to football matches now aren't even that fun, I have had to move back to my parents house at the age of 26 because of my money/job situation and I just don't see the point in doing ANYTHING any more.

I mean, seriously, why bother? Everything is just a constant struggle and nobody really knows me at all. I get invited to gatherings and stuff and all I can think is why do they want me there? I offer nothing to them. I really don't get it and I don't enjoy going out any more. I'm quite introverted and shy which doesn't help but basically I know I'm a decent guy, well-educated, but I just don't want this constant fight on my hands any more. I say yes to weddings and stag parties but dread the thought of going because I have to be seen to be the guy who's happy and laughing and making jokes when actually I'm dying inside.

Anyone going through anything similar I'd love to hear back from you. Knowing I'm not alone would help.

Thank you.

Frick85,
I can relate to what you're going through, like a lot of people on here. It's difficult to admit to feeling this way to those you know. The first time I was depressed I just couldn't find the words and didn't want to admit it. It's a very confusing thing and if you don't understand it yourself, getting others to is even harder.
Re; being quiet, many people appreciate being around others that are quiet- not everyone can be the life and soul. x