Hi - and hoping someone can help x

[**Drowning**]

Hey K.

I took that day that I needed - and I really did need it.  It surprised people that I was off and when I got back I was offered counselling, so I start that tomorrow.  We'll see what happens.

How are you? xxx

[girlwithtwohearts]

Hey that's great - they sound like they're really taking you seriously. Did you tell your boss how you were feeling then?

I'm oK thanks - just finding it very hard to get going in the mornings as usual - evenings are great. I've been out to the cinema tonight and even coped with finding that the entrance to the multi-storey car park I was in was shut, and I had to walk around for ages finding another way in - through deserted multi-storey levels all on my own! was very proud of myself that I stayed calm.

However - I'm still very frightened about getting back to my job/coping with it. I know I need to do it soon - because time is just going on and on - I've been off since end November.  I think i'm slightly better since then - but I am just so scared about facing the music again at work.

I'm proud of you that you only took one day off!

K. x

[shakyelvis]

I get the same feelings. Feel totally useless at times and whatever I do is useless. That leads to further thoughts of inadeqaucy. Its a vicious cycle. That is self perpetuating.

[downbutnotout]

Hi girlwithtwohearts,

I've only just come across this thread which has been an interesting read.  It seems to me that work problems outnumber relationship issues these days and is it any surprise?

Much as you say you enjoy teaching, the undoubted stress that this is causing you makes me wonder if it really is worthwhile damaging your health.  If we don't have our health we don't have anything so have you given serious consideration to a career change?  Alternatively, is it possible for you to teach in a less stressful environment?  My dear, I hope you don't think me wrong for suggesting that I find comments such as 'face the music' a trifle worrying because you could find it all too much and your health could suffer all over again and nothing is worth that.  Is career change an option?  I'd be seriously thinking about it.  Btw I see from your profile that you are not a million miles awayb from me!  :)

Love x

[girlwithtwohearts]

Hiya downbutnotout,

Thanks for your concern.  I'm not sure if I need a career change. I've already changed it once, and I'm 42 now. I do enjoy teaching, but not when I feel so under-prepared. because its a new job, I was behind with the planning as soon as I started really. And on top of the planning sometimes there is no time some weeks to do any planning, as there are reports etc. It's a bit of a nightmare.

I don't really want to be a teacher all my life. I'd love to do something else - like be a writer like JK Rowling - I love those types of books. But I've never even tried it.

I dont know what to do in the meantime. So whereabouts do you live? You haven't filled your profile in?

K. x

[downbutnotout]

Hi girlwithtwohearts,

I'm a 55 year old male and wish I could have a career change!  It's strange how a job that you have done for 20 years suddenly turns sour due to (mis)management, relocations and recession but that's the way it's happened and it was to tell this tale that I came on here in the first place but got sidetracked into looking at everybody else's problems.  At least that had the effect of making my own seem pretty small beer!  I used to work with someone who became my dearest friend and while we stay in touch, missing that daily contact which we had for many years has made me feel pretty depressed.

I don't usually fill these profile things in on internet sites as I prefer a modicum of privacy and hope you don't mind of I don't reveal my precise location but I will tell you that I work in Derby, for which place, it has to be said, I have precious little affection.:)

After a certain age, (40? 50?), career change does become more difficult if not downright impossible and I never thought it would come to that but I am prepared to give it a go.  Writing is something I'd like to do as well.  I've always loved books ever since very early childhood.

Anyway, hope things work out for you as I'm sure they will.  Things have a habit of working out in the end don't they?

Love x

[girlwithtwohearts]

Thanks downbutnotout - I hope things get better for you too.  Ray Croc didn't start McDonalds till he was 55 - so it's never too late to change career :-)

K. x

[tealtastic]

Hi,

I'm SO glad I found your thread Kate:  I'm new here and  I am (was???) a teacher too and am so glad to have found other people in my situation that I could identify with.  I could really do with hearing more about other people's experiences of life beyond teaching/any career which was making you feel unwell...

Am off sick at the moment with severe depression, which my psychologist says was primarily caused by my work situation.  Wasn't the kids, it was my unsupportive colleagues.  I am/was a HoD of a successful but fledgling department in a high achieving London comprehensive.  Since September, I've worked with a nasty, manipulative and incompetent 2ic (who, despite all the curriculum changes this year, hasn't planned a SINGLE lesson since she started and makes malicious, unfounded allegations to cover her tracks) and a line manager who is happy to ignore the situation while kill myself to get everything done on my own & still keep delivering the results.  Worked myself into the ground for the good of the kids while they sat back, relaxing and watched me crack up under the pressure.  Even when I was referred to a psychologist for work-related anxiety, nothing changed.  Over 6 months, I've become severely depressed to the point where at times I've been a danger to myself (NOT AT THIS MOMENT, no need for helplines!).

I didn't want to take a break, but when you think that ******* seems like a viable escape from your situation, it's time to take a rest.   Even now that I'm signed off, they're still messaging me constantly, expecting me to work from home.   I thought I'd be feeling better by now.  I've been on the ADs for 2 weeks and off sick for 4 weeks now but if anything, I feel more anxious.  Actually, I feel physically sick at the thought of going back there.  I love teaching and I'm good at it, but this is the second time in 7 years my job's got so unbearable it's made me ******** and that really frightens me.  Went for lunch last week with a workmate who told me they've all been gossiping about how I'm 'damaged and unable to handle pressure'.  I'd thought I was starting to recover, but just hearing how unsupportive I can expect my colleagues to be on my return made all those dangerous thoughts come flooding back.

I'm supposed to be back at work next week; just thinking of it brings on a panic attack.  My family are telling me not to go back and to quit.  Deep down, I know they're right.  As much as I love being in the classroom, I can't do that job and preserve my mental health.  But there's no way I could pay my mortgage so I'll lose my house as well as my career, which terrifies me.  Just can't seem to find the courage to take the risk and quit.  Plus when you're feeling like this, it's impossible to think for long or make a decision.  I'm going to see the GP tomorrow to see if I can stall for time.

Sorry I've talked about myself for SO long.  Guess I really needed to vent.

Has anyone else left their career because it made them mentally ill?  I could really do with hearing about people's 'escapes' from teaching, or leaving any career which made them feel unwell.  Your stories might give me the inspiration to make the right decision...

[girlwithtwohearts]

Hi,
I don't think you're ready to go back yet.  Antidepressants take a while to work for me - at the moment I've been on them for 12 weeks and its around that time I start to feel a little better usually (have had a few episodes of work related depression in my life)

Your colleague who you had lunch with shouldn't be telling you gossip - that's all it is - gossip. Please don't worry about what people think - mostly all of them will be extremely supportive. You are a HOD, and as such will have a lot of pressures with the job.

I myself am still struggling with the thought of going back - the problem with me was workload in a new job, rather than unsupportive colleagues.

Are you in a union? If you are off with stress work should NOT be contacting you - they are not allowed. The union should know about it if they are contacting you. You should be left in peace to get better.  I think you need to give yourself some more time to get better - and dont meet any more colleagues for lunch - just give yourself a complete break.

(says she - who is thinking about going back - but not feeling too good in the mornings and is wondering what the hell to do. I plucked up the courage to ring my boss last week and am going in for a meeting with him and HR this week - but all day today I just felt sick with worry about coping. I will be on a reduced workload, but reduced pay too. )

I know what you mean about its impossible to think for long and make a decision.

Do you live on your own? I do .  I wonder if its the fact we have no one to offload to at night when we get home, which is so depressing.

You and I probably take our work far too seriously. You say your good at your job, and you enjoy teaching, but you're working yourself into the ground. Perhaps we need to be more like those other teachers who just seem to breeze along - not letting things get to them. easier said than done.

How about a change of school rather than leaving teaching? A fresh start somewhere?

In the meantime I think your GP will certainly give you more time off - I think you will need a lot longer than 4 weeks. More like 4 months I'm afraid.

Take the time to recuperate, and look for other schools perhaps? After Easter there will be a lot more in the TES.

K.