Hello, new here...feeling lost and alone

[Rycing]

Hello,
I have never been to one of these forums before. I used to think of myself as confident and robust...dealt with anything life threw at me.
I first got serious depression 6 years ago after the birth of my youngest child. I was as low as low can be...lots of suicidal thoughts...didn't want to go on....
I had prozac (for a year) and CBT, which helped a lot and I was back to my old self.
Since then, I am much more fragile and much more likely to be at a low ebb. Not seriously depressed like I was, but to a lesser degree.
I can feel those old feelings returning (It's been a bad year)...self loathing, irritability to the extreme, stressed and anxious. I can cry over next to nothing. I'm starting to think that others are against me....although I am able to rationalise most of those thoughts.
I have used the coping strategies I learned before, i.e exercise, hobbies. Sometimes I will be ok for a few days, then I'm right back down.
I'm feeling detached from others, lonely in my relationships, worried for the future......it's all too familiar.
I'm at the stage where I'm thinking of returning to my G.P.....but I don't want to be 'needing help' all my life.  "£"

[Glen53]

Firstly welcome to the forum.

Im sorry that you are feeling low again after doing so well. unfortunatly it is quite common for sufferers of depression to lapse back into low feelings at some point, but it need not rule your life.

You have done the right thing in posting here to talk about it. Its not easy to tell someone that you are not coping as its a tough first step to take, but you have done so and i think you are very brave for that.

I find with my depression I feel ok most days when im well, but the tendancy for me is to carry on when i have a low point, trying to ignore the fact that i might be sinkng again. Im finally realising that this is a mistake. When I feel that im sinking lower in thought these days i post on here and talk to others so that i can at least share my feelings and this helps. I keep a journal on this site, as many do, so that I can keep an eye on how i progress and so that others can read back and perhaps find some comfort in knowing they are not alone with this daily fight . I also talk to my wife a lot about how I feel so that she knows what moods Im likely to be in and why.

I hope we can help and support you here.

[Zaf]

Hi and welcome, I would urge you to go back to your GP and get started on some medication, I have suffered from depression for around 20 years on and off and this last time my doctor said I might need to be on a low dose of medication for life, when I said that wasnt a very nice idea he likened it to being diabetic or having a thyroid deficiency as its also a chemical imbalance in our bodies and that I would need medication for life for either of those illnesses soI tend now to look at my medication in a new light.

Z xx

[Sweetpea]

Hi and welcome,

I agree with what both Glen and Zaf said.  You should visit your gp and say you are struggling, I have suffered on and off for the past 6 years, and I too still take a while to realise whats happening until I get really low.  It is an illness and with other illnesses we sometimes need medication to help us feel well again.

Take care

S x

[Rycing]

Glen53 and Zaf, thank you for your kind words,  :)but they have made me cry once again.
I have made the decision to go back to my G.P.
The thing that bothers me about this is; is there some underlying problem I will just be using medication to cover up? Should I address this instead of taking medication? I'm not sure what..but, for example, would it be better to change the way I live my life? (not easy with children and a demanding job) Do I need psychotherapy?
As well as the CBT, I've also tried counselling a couple of times....I didn't really get on with it. It seemed more about looking for coping strategies, looking for new ways of thinking about things that I do already...as I would say I have good self awareness.
The chemical imbalance thing might be an explanation I suppose.

[Rycing]

Hi and welcome,

I agree with what both Glen and Zaf said.  You should visit your gp and say you are struggling, I have suffered on and off for the past 6 years, and I too still take a while to realise whats happening until I get really low.  It is an illness and with other illnesses we sometimes need medication to help us feel well again.

Take care

S x

Thank you- we were typing at the same time.x

[Sweetpea]

Maybe if you were put on medication again, you could find it easier to see what changes you could make.  Its just that when you are depressed everything seems so difficult to cope with, even small things.  There are different types of counselling too, I have just started mine with a counsellor from MIND and its physcho-dynamic, think thats how you say it anyway. :).  Only had 1 session so far.  But maybe you could have a chat with someone from an organisation like MIND and see what is on offer and how you may be helped.

Hope this helps somewhat.

S x

[Rycing]

Seems like good advice Shaz, I might give it a go. Thanks.

[Zaf]

Glen53 and Zaf, thank you for your kind words,  :)but they have made me cry once again.
I have made the decision to go back to my G.P.
The thing that bothers me about this is; is there some underlying problem I will just be using medication to cover up? Should I address this instead of taking medication? I'm not sure what..but, for example, would it be better to change the way I live my life? (not easy with children and a demanding job) Do I need psychotherapy?
As well as the CBT, I've also tried counselling a couple of times....I didn't really get on with it. It seemed more about looking for coping strategies, looking for new ways of thinking about things that I do already...as I would say I have good self awareness.
The chemical imbalance thing might be an explanation I suppose.

if you are worried about an underlying condition you should also mention this to your doctor and he/she may suggest blood tests to be absolutely sure.

I have had some counselling that was worse than useless and some that was briliant, my last two courses explored why I felt like I did and how to change that thinking but also (and equally importantly) how to cope with my existing situation better. I guess its a bit of a lottery but if you go for counselling and get a good one it can be life transforming.

Take a look at this web site, it describes the physical side of depression very well and if you want more detailed information there is a little paperback of the same name xx

http://www.familyhealthguide.co.uk/depressive-illness-the-curse-of-the-strong.html

[Rycing]

Glen53 and Zaf, thank you for your kind words,  :)but they have made me cry once again.
I have made the decision to go back to my G.P.
The thing that bothers me about this is; is there some underlying problem I will just be using medication to cover up? Should I address this instead of taking medication? I'm not sure what..but, for example, would it be better to change the way I live my life? (not easy with children and a demanding job) Do I need psychotherapy?
As well as the CBT, I've also tried counselling a couple of times....I didn't really get on with it. It seemed more about looking for coping strategies, looking for new ways of thinking about things that I do already...as I would say I have good self awareness.
The chemical imbalance thing might be an explanation I suppose.

if you are worried about an underlying condition you should also mention this to your doctor and he/she may suggest blood tests to be absolutely sure.

I have had some counselling that was worse than useless and some that was briliant, my last two courses explored why I felt like I did and how to change that thinking but also (and equally importantly) how to cope with my existing situation better. I guess its a bit of a lottery but if you go for counselling and get a good one it can be life transforming.

Take a look at this web site, it describes the physical side of depression very well and if you want more detailed information there is a little paperback of the same name xx

http://www.familyhealthguide.co.uk/depressive-illness-the-curse-of-the-strong.html

I found the CBT course (10 weeks) to be the most helpful, the counselling was a bit of a waste of time. It helped me offload at the time, but as soon as it finished I was back where I started. I will have a look at the site. Thanks. x

[Zaf]

Its a shame your counselling didnt help much but I'd advise if you are offered it try a few sessions and if you feel its going nowhere stop going, I was very lucky this time that my counsellor gave me some very useful ways of defusing anxiety and common situations I get stressed about xx

[Rycing]

I read through the link Zaf. I totally related to it and will re-visit again to remind myself what this is about and understand why it's happening. Really helpful, thanks.x

[Zaf]

its quite useful to show it to people that dont really understand what you're going through,  I read it to my husband and I'm sure he understands better now :)

[Ezel]

 .>, Rycing

[Rycing]

.>, Rycing

Thank you. Not feeling quite so alone now.x