Hi
I'm really lost and dont know what to do anymore. I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression last year but have been suffering for 10 years, I have just turned 25 last friday. It gradually got worse over that time, i was able to work for 6 of those years but it was the social part of life that declined. Unless i was at work i would rarely leave my bedroom.
I lost my job 2 years ago and since then my problems escalated, I couldnt leave the house on my own except for at night when i feel safer strangely. I wouldnt answer my phone to unknown numbers for fear it would be because i was in trouble, even though i hadnt done anything wrong. I struggled to make phone calls to anyone i didnt know personally either, i'd have the phone in my hand for hours before i could manage to actually dial let alone press the call button, even then most of the time i'd just not go through with it.
I tried looking for a new job, i didnt have any money, well actually i remember i had £1.23 in my bank. So i started signing on at the jobcenter which made things even worse, having to go out during the day to an office full of people, no privacy whatsoever so the other people waiting could hear everything that you were saying and having to make phone calls for applying to jobs was a bit of a problem.I could look online and send letters for applications but never had any response so I stopped going after a couple of months.
Then at christmas of that year things got really bad so i went to the doctor who diagnosed me with anxiety and depression and prescribed me citalopram( funnily enough just after that i heard the song anti-depressent by the wombats that mentions citalopram). For a while they helped an made me feel better then they didnt seem to do anything but i was still fine, i kept taking them anyway. Then i started to forget to take them, but still felt better. I did tell my doctor about it but she didnt seem too worried because i was feeling ok. Now, i cant remember the last time i took one. I still feel better emotionally but i still cant do anything an i dont know why.
I want a job so badly yet i cant call to apply or randomly ask businessess about jobs by going there an asking, I'm terrible with the little money i get to the point im just eating toast for days because thats all i have. Dont want to sound ungrateful because im not but i do still live at home with my parents but we are all having problems and things are quite bad here now to the point I'm " Not aloud to eat any food i havent bought myself". Now i know that if i were in my own place i would be paying for everything myself i think its just not something you expect to hear when your struggling with life.
I've never really had much of a relationship with my parents even though i've lived with them my whole life, my dad isnt the very talkative type and my mum just doesnt really say anything to me anymore, well nothing nice anyway. I have 3 sisters aswell, all married with 3 children each lol, but because i have kept myself so secluded an dont take part in family celebrations i hardly see or hear from them anymore. We all live in the same town so its not a travel thing.
I need help finding a job and jobcenter its not there job to help you, just to make sure you are actually looking for work. I want to do a course on electronics or 3d design or something like that but even when i went to the local college to ask about courses they were quite vague and unhelpful. I need to move out to get out of this atmosphere and do things for myself but all the people i would think to ask ie family isnt really an option for me. I need help to learn how to look after my money and actually save and if im honest i need help on looking after myself cos im really not doing a good job, i smoke a lot, i dont eat enough or the right things, i'm ashamed to say my personal hygiene is terrible....I dont drink enough of anything, i dont exercise, i rarely shave and also feel really uncomfortable not wearing my hat, i wear it basically everywhere.
I'm really confused not knowing what the right thing to do is, dont really know what im doing anymore so i hope i dont sound stupid. sorry for such a long post too, i dont have anyone to talk to bout my feelings and thoughts.
Thanks for reading :)
