Reckless behaviour anyone?

[Dobbie]

Lol, I think in the past when I have self harmed I have always done it where I know I would be found out. I know that from my point of view it has always been a cry for help. So from what you are saying is that it is not true self harm. I think this is a difficult one and I know that I always regret what I have done in the past.

[Lol]

&$%+ now you say it like that I think I've said it wrong. This is such a complex debate,.. Of course you harmed yourself, so you self harmed, so when I said true self harm I phrased that really clumsily. (and might have caused offence..sorry!). I'm thinking off the top of my head and I guess I don't really know what I'm saying.

I think what I might have been trying to say is,, well I dunno.. um.. is there a clinical differentiation between self harm for the gain of release, and self harm for the gain of attention?

What you did was of course self harm, I didn't mean to belittle it in any way, not quite what I meant sorry  , could you explain, if it's not too personal and painful or even triggering for you, what your thought process was when you self harmed specifically for the gain of attention? what made you do it (emotionally not necessarily circumstancially) and what specifically did you hope might be the result?

[Dobbie]

No your okay, I am not offended. Do find it embarrassing more than anything. I don't really know why I have done these things in the past. Like I said it was more a cry for help. I think that my thought process at the time revolved around someone pitying me and then helping me overcome the depression. Of course this was never the outcome and all I did was scare and worry those around me. Looking back, these have always been very distressing times both emotionally and physically. Bad times.

[Lol]

Yes I understand. Whatever times have lead to these self expressions are never good times. You have done very well to come through them. You must think of those experiences as flags of dispair which you have sucessfully overcome. Well done.

How do you mean "my thought process at the time revolved around someone pitying me and then helping me overcome the depression" do you mean this some one was the calalyst to your self harm because they were pitying you and then helping you? or you wanted some one to pity you and then help you?

thank you for your understanding.

[Dobbie]

Yeah, I kind of wanted people to pity me and then help me. I thought that people would want to help me and feel the need to do so. If anything this ideaology backfired, friends turned their back on me. I imagine that I freaked them out quite a lot. Even my wife called me selfish. As for the catalyst, I'm not too sure. I just felt so helpless and alone I suppose I just wanted support, or someone to understand. I think people do have a problem understanding self harm, as it is really not discussed in society, it's often just swepted under the carpet so to speak.

[Lol]

Yes it is isn't it. You have really helped me thank you. If that has left you with some uncomfortable memories I'm really sorry, but sharing that has helped me and may have helped many many people also. Thank you very much.  :)

[Dobbie]

No problem, it kind of helps me to talk about it and if helps others to know that they are not alone then even better.

[cornish]

many reasons.  wont go into most of them but one of them is due to my overworking i earned a far bit, bearing in mind im an electrician and have specialist skills so i do well for my self. i also had a lot of saving before all of this. but now if i look into my bank account well its scary how little there is in there.  i know a lot has gone into private treatment and a huge amount on medication but the majority i have no idea what ive done with it.


also when i still had my soarer and had it repaired after the accident that caused all of this i was doing some VERY reckless things on the road and got into a LOT of trouble with the police, at one point i was banned from driving when it was dark and couldn't go into plymouth for a little while.  bearing in mind it was a 400 hp car and im a fairly good driver (had a motorsport license, and the test for that is bloody hard) i was intensionally getting into police chases and getting away from them.      
its not something im proud of and i do deeply regret it now, i really didn't enjoy doing it at the time but i had to get rid of the car somehow,  then a bit of ice while i was being sensible did that for me.

[Lol]

Did you have depression before all that happened to you then Cornish?

[cornish]

no i have no history before the first car accident where the idiot crashed into me and caused all of this.  its all from a mild form of brain damage and severe P.T.S.D. that then caused all of the problems i suffer from now.

[Lol]

I see, so I'm not sure I'm getting you, are you saying that spending is part of your self harming, or you were out in your soarer doing reckless things after your accident as a result of your afflictions?

[cornish]

spending so much is just reckless.   yeah i was basically driving like an idiot after the accident, to try and get banned, have the car taken off me or end up dead.  then when i was being sensible just driving home one night the car slipped on black ice.  i basically told the insurance company to crush it and i told everyone it was way beyond repair,  even though it wasn't really    was a huge relief that the car was gone. looking back now i  regret that a lot.

[Lol]

I see. You needed that car gone and you needed an excuse to stop being reckless on the road. Thanks Cornish. That helps a lot Thank you.

[lost rolex]

Good evening everyone,

not so reckless.

my condition CRPS in my lower back and legs which leaves me in pain 24/7 sometimes unable to walk most of the time i use a stick, it stems from a spinal injury, although i have no broken bones as such, i have disc problems as well, i am on

75 MG/PH fentanyl 80 times stronger than morphine,  

Arcoxia 90mg

Trazadone hydrochloride 100mg

baclofen 10 mg

halapirdol 5 mg

daizapam 10 mg

omerprazole 20 mg

and all of the above do very little

so pain management is one of my hobbies,well there's a drug out there called






these are the dogs and can have me up and walking in 5 mins, the thing is i am not allowed them because i do not have cancer.

i have got some and they are fantastic, but do be warned never take them unless you have a  Opiate tolerance of at least 50 Mc/ph they will kill you no question


anyway the reckless thing i did was to take one dissolve my pain and go shopping. i still can not remember it to this day and it was only last year, the day is a complete blank, that's the frightening part, but i walked and drove,  just doing something normal for the family


LR

[Lol]

Wow